I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Our anniversary was this past July, and I was expecting a proposal. We have talked about marriage a lot. We're both 28 and he has known for years that I want to start a family at 30 and we even went ring shopping two years ago! I though he was going to propose soon after we went shopping (he didn't actually buy anything in front of me) but when we found the one I loved, he said "okay, this is it!" Anyway, a year ago, I brought up marriage again because it had been a year since we went ring shopping. he told me he'd propose by our 4th anniversary. HE gave the timeline, not me. It came and went and nothing happened. When I asked about it, he gave a new timeline: after he gets his promotion that he's been working for for two years. That's fair, so I waited again. He got promoted 4 months ago. When I asked again, he said for sure by our 5th anniversary. That didn't happen either. Our lease on our apartment is up at the end of September and I've decided to move out and move on. I told him last night and he's furious with me. He says that I'm being selfish and unsupportive of him and that I'm trying to make our relationship all about what I want. He said that he's glad he didn't propose because he doesn't want to spend his life with a bitch like me. I can't believe it. He acted like a completely different person. I'm very glad that I chose not to wait any longer. He strung me along for two years creating timelines for himself that he never met! I'm dreading living with him for another month. Why is he being so cruel? Should I try to move out before the end of the month and just pay him my part of the rent? He's also furious that I'm "Forcing him to move apartments so soon after his promotion" (that was 4 months ago). I understand that he's upset that our 5 year relationship is over, but I would never be so hateful towards him. I just couldn't wait any longer for a proposal that's been two years coming and never came.
Most Helpful Guy
Look at it from his point of view - you're throwing away a 5 year commitment he already made, because he's not jumping through your hoops.
That's his perspective. Even though he set the timelines, as you keep pointing out, as a guy I can tell you he did that just to shut down the argument.
This is a guy who never wanted to get married. And the best way to avoid the confrontation was to stall, and make promises which he never had any intention of keeping.
He's angry now, mostly at you, because you stood up to him and demanded what you said you always wanted. But he's also mad at himself, in a way, for not dealing with this properly.
He was obviously never as honest with you, as you were with him, regarding what he actually truly wanted in the future. He wanted you (or someone like you) but no legally binding ties.
If you want to try and salvage this, find out why he's so scared of marriage. If it's the financial penalties of divorce, you could tell him you'd sign a pre-nup. Work to assuage his crippling fear.
If he's not interested in working through his issues regarding marriage, then you're just as well leaving.3
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