Walked away from my boyfriend of 5 years?

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Our anniversary was this past July, and I was expecting a proposal. We have talked about marriage a lot. We're both 28 and he has known for years that I want to start a family at 30 and we even went ring shopping two years ago! I though he was going to propose soon after we went shopping (he didn't actually buy anything in front of me) but when we found the one I loved, he said "okay, this is it!" Anyway, a year ago, I brought up marriage again because it had been a year since we went ring shopping. he told me he'd propose by our 4th anniversary. HE gave the timeline, not me. It came and went and nothing happened. When I asked about it, he gave a new timeline: after he gets his promotion that he's been working for for two years. That's fair, so I waited again. He got promoted 4 months ago. When I asked again, he said for sure by our 5th anniversary. That didn't happen either. Our lease on our apartment is up at the end of September and I've decided to move out and move on. I told him last night and he's furious with me. He says that I'm being selfish and unsupportive of him and that I'm trying to make our relationship all about what I want. He said that he's glad he didn't propose because he doesn't want to spend his life with a bitch like me. I can't believe it. He acted like a completely different person. I'm very glad that I chose not to wait any longer. He strung me along for two years creating timelines for himself that he never met! I'm dreading living with him for another month. Why is he being so cruel? Should I try to move out before the end of the month and just pay him my part of the rent? He's also furious that I'm "Forcing him to move apartments so soon after his promotion" (that was 4 months ago). I understand that he's upset that our 5 year relationship is over, but I would never be so hateful towards him. I just couldn't wait any longer for a proposal that's been two years coming and never came.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look at it from his point of view - you're throwing away a 5 year commitment he already made, because he's not jumping through your hoops.

    That's his perspective. Even though he set the timelines, as you keep pointing out, as a guy I can tell you he did that just to shut down the argument.

    This is a guy who never wanted to get married. And the best way to avoid the confrontation was to stall, and make promises which he never had any intention of keeping.

    He's angry now, mostly at you, because you stood up to him and demanded what you said you always wanted. But he's also mad at himself, in a way, for not dealing with this properly.

    He was obviously never as honest with you, as you were with him, regarding what he actually truly wanted in the future. He wanted you (or someone like you) but no legally binding ties.

    If you want to try and salvage this, find out why he's so scared of marriage. If it's the financial penalties of divorce, you could tell him you'd sign a pre-nup. Work to assuage his crippling fear.

    If he's not interested in working through his issues regarding marriage, then you're just as well leaving.

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    • My hoops? I want to get married and have kids. He has been telling me for years that that's what he wants too. He keeps giving timelines. HE DOES. on his own. Then he does't meet them. that's him failing to jump through HIS OWN hoops. If he gave timelines just to shut me down then that's HORRIBLE communication and he should have been honest. He doesn't get to not be straight with me AND be annoyed that I don't like that. He can't have it ALL ways. You're defending a guy who by your own admission has been avoiding and stalling for two years, and I'm somehow the one throwing something away? that's BS. and he's shown me a horrible side of himself. He's actually made it much easier for me to walk away without looking back.
      By the way, he knows I'm all in favor of a pre-nup and I have more in savings and family money than he does... so BS on that too. I'm not working with him on this now. if he wanted to work on it he shouldnt' have lied for two years.

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    • ah, i see. any woman upset and angry and pissed off about being strung along for two years is just crazy. thanks for mansplaining that for me. you're a peach. name calling is classy. I just had a hard life lesson so excuse me if my emotions are running a little high. what's your excuse?

    • Lol upvote the exchange

What Guys Said 4

  • I'm glad your not my girlfriend as you would have split 2 years ago. I agree that he made a mistake making and missing deadlines he set but I think to break an otherwise good relationship over that is kinda stupid. But I'm a guy. I don't see a proposal as a big thing. It's just a piece of metal around your finger that is more of a social status than anything else. I have wanted to marry but gf for the past 3 years but things came up. We had our first child together, we then wanted to get a family van, then I helped with the student loans after she graduated and we had to work on a down payment for our home. She playfully jokes that by year 10 she is leaving if she doesn't have the ring but I know she is joking. She loves me, I love her that's all that really matters. The marriage will come in due time. Better late than never. You've earned yourself the never (in this relationship).

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    • well you and I fundamentally disagree on what marriage means. My boyfriend said that he felt the same way about it as me. I also won't have kids out of wedlock and he doesn't want that either. we talked about what we wanted and he swore up and down two years ago that we were on the same page. haha you say that I've earned myself the never? That's a good thing to me. He told me he wants what i want. If that's not true, then he's a liar. either way we're not capable of giving each other what we want. I want a husband and a family and a future. apparently he just wants a live in girlfriend who will play wife to him forever.

    • Fair enough it just wasn't meant to be then.

  • You're horrible. You must be hot. Good luck shopping it though.

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  • Sorry, but he's probably trying to look for another woman.

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  • One thing I can advise on is, never ever make deadlines in a relationship. Its very disrespectful and shows leverage. When the time is right, then things will happen. That's why I divorced my wife. She pressured me. In more ways than one.

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    • well the only deadlines made were ones that he made for himself.

    • I know. I'm just speaking in general.

What Girls Said 1

  • You did the right thing, finally. I wouldn't have even hung on that long. As they say, money talks, BS walks - talk is cheap and it's easy to make promises. Stay firm on your needs, since all this time, you were concerned with his. He wasn't too thrilled to please you, it seems. Glad you walked away.

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    • "Money talks"... ofc you would say this.

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    • You two should move in together and get a ton of cats.

    • Oh get lost, will ya? We'll be fine, and spending our time with GOOD men who aren't selfish, simple.

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