I can't stand my husband's dog?

We've been married for 3 years and I'm expecting our first child. I'm currently 7 months pregnant and while I've never liked the dog, things are coming to a head now. He had the dog before we met and he has TONS of energy. Money is a tight and we can't afford a dog walker/doggie day care. The dog sheds like you wouldn't believe and has never been trained. I've been on my husband since we moved in together to train the dog, but he always half-asses it and the dog just reverts back to bad behavior (like jumping up on people, scratching and pawing at people if they don't pet him 24/7, snapping in people's faces if you push him away from you, begging, and jumping up to snatch food etc.) He's knocked me down twice so far since I've been pregnant. Once it was because I was holding hamburger meat and the second time it was because I came home and he was excited. I'm lucky it wasn't at the top of the stairs. I hate this dog and I'm sick of the constant cleaning and bad behavior. I am also allergic to it and have to take allergy meds daily to deal with the symptoms. Can I ask him to get rid of it? He's so defensive about this damn dog but doesn't work to train it and the bad behavior persists!

Updates:
It's been 3+ years and I am going to have to give him the ultimatum tonight: me or the dog. Maybe it's selfish to make him get rid of his dog, but it's selfish of him to force me to live in this nightmare for 3 years without doing anything to help.
UPDATE: He dropped the dog off at his mom's & then slammed doors & gave me the silent treatment all weekend. When I tried to explain how I feel again & talk to him about it he slammed a door in my face. I left the house &am staying with a friend.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you're allergic? omg why wouldn't your husband get rid of the dog if you're prone to allergic reactions and are pregnant? is he blind? I mean okay yeah dog is a man's best friend and people get attached but you're his wife:P and you bear his future child. whats more important... wife and child? or dog? its really not that hard. and this doesn't mean he has to get rid of the dog, simply just let another family member or friend take care of it for the time being until things are settled down with the pregnancy and everything.

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    • i'm not severely allergic. I sneeze, get a runny nose and itchy nose, and get itchy all over if I'm not proactive enough about cleaning. thank god i convinced him to stop letting the dog sleep in the bed with us years ago. that was a nightmare. I agree with you 100% but he doesn't see it as choosing the dog over my comfort/sanity. he sees it as me being unfair to his puppy. I honestly don't want the dog around at all anymore. The dog goes to stay with my husband's mother when we go on vacation and she spoils him even worse than my husband does. he comes back way worse, so if we sent him off for the time being, he'd be 10x worse when we got him back. I NEVER want this dog back, if i can finally get it out of the house.

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    • and if he's ignoring me because i'm pregnant then he's just being an asshole.

    • maybe you have to give him an ultimatum. its not worth living like how you are just because of 1 dog.

What Guys Said 5

  • Frankly, you are blaming the wrong creature. The dog is not at fault for the lack of training given by its "pack leader" and it is clear that dog needs to be ran to take care of its energy and also that it needs to learn its proper role in your family structure.

    You want the dog to behave, you yourself need to train it or, better yet, tell the person it originally belonged to, to get off their ass and do their duty. What type of a Father do you think this man will be if he can't even take care of a dog? Think about that for as long as you need because I can assure you that this dog isn't to blame. I am not some animal right's nutjob but dog's have a simple mentality and need simple care. In this circumstance, the dog is acting out for attention based on not getting any and I feel worse for the dog than I do you as you could very easily (over such a long period) have trained the dog and remedied the issue.

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    • I will add though that your child takes precedence so, due to the baby, you would be well in the right to force his hand in removing the animal to a better home for its happiness and needs. I personally wouldn't trust a hyper and untrained dog around any of my kids and neither should you.

      You both dropped the ball in training it and you expressing yourself to remedy the issue. You have two months left until birth and it's now the only time to handle this. I would suggest an honest and direct dialogue to handle this but I really.. I repeat really would consider the type of Father he will be if he can't even train a dog which takes not much time at all to do.

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    • Well I wish you the best of luck. Psychologically it doesn't make sense, however, I am not (in any manner) bringing this up to cause issue as that certainly isn't my track record and method. I am simply being honest so you can consider the big picture and hopefully cut off a plausible issue before it may rear its head.

      That said, if you feel confident with his probable parental skills than that is what matters. However, I should point out that if he truly does care for the well being of the child, he would get an unruly animal as far away as possible from his soon to be born child. The fact he hasn't raises eyebrows to say the least. As always, I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

    • Best answer

  • Might have to train the dog yourself, but even then your husband will have to do the same or it won't work. You need congruency in the household to really get results, and it's his dog. Sounds like there are some alpha issues. Something's gotta give here.

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    • I will not have time to train the dog with a new baby. and we both work full time. the dog doesn't even know "sit" and to him, the word "no" is more of a suggestion that he ignores. I have tried training him, but past house breaking him, none of it has stuck.

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    • Why did you marry him if you knew that the dog came with him? That doesn't make sense! Even worse you got pregnant with the guy. Either you love the dog or something's going down! Like a brawl! I'm betting he'll choose you over the dog though no doubt, since he's your husband and all HOWEVER, he'll probably resent you for it. If you love him, you will tolerate the dog and try to take care of it. If your husband loves you as you think he does, he'll think of a solution to either make the dog behavior better or give it up as hard as it is for him.

      ... And who knows, maybe the baby can love the dog too once it behaves better... Congrats btw.

    • well we never lived together before we got married, and I didn't know exactly how horrible the dog is. Also, the dog has gotten worse since we've been married because my husband is busier and doesn't have as much time for the dog. I married him because i love him. that should be obvious. and I don't know what else to do at this point. Sure he might resent me for making him send the dog to live with his mother, but I already resent him for not keeping his word when he's told me he'll work on the dog's behavior. I resent him for making me clean up its hair 3-4x a week. i resent him for letting the dog rule our lives and i resent him for thinking i'm being "mean" or "too harsh" for trying to discipline the dog. i resent him now. It has nothing to do with "if you love me." I could say the same thing to him. "if you love me, you'll deal with your damned dog!" I HAVE been tolerating this dog for 3 years and I am DONE. I HAVE been taking care of the dog!

  • It's quite simple. Make an ultimatum. Not the dog or you. Either your husband gets rid of the dog or you do. Your situation is totally not acceptable. Give him two weeks to find a new home for the dog, period. If he doesn't, then you do it.

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  • Can't believe your husband doesn't care. Best thing at the moment is to move the dog or yourself to a different place until you conceive.

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    • I'm already 7 months pregnant. His family is all local and mine is all out of state. I could stay in a hotel, but money is really tight. I'm going to ask for the dog to go, and if he picks the dog, we will have to separate. The house was bought 1/2 by us, and 1/2 as a wedding present from my family. I think I'm allowed to stay and the dog has to go.

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    • okay 1) you don't seem to understand what the word "conceiving" means. it means to get pregnant. As i have stated numerous times, I am already 7 months pregnant
      2) i have had issues with this dog for 3 years. I have been pregnant for 7 months. Blaming my anger and frustration on pregnancy hormones is irresponsible, rude, and dismissive. 3) the dog has stayed with my mother in law before and always comes back even worse. she spoils him more than even my husband. if the dog leaves, he'll only be that much worse if he returns.

    • Well im sorry i misunderstood the word "conceiving" . All i meant was till the baby is born.
      Secondly i am not blaming you or the hormones. I was just assuming that since you are pregnant and feeling the effects of the same that might be one of the reasons that your patience has run out.
      Thirdly You should be worried about the dog going rather than returning back worse at some point. This will buy you time to recover and plan the next course of action.
      Lastly, I really think it is difficult for a woman to get on alone while she is pregnant ' so its your call !!!

  • If a woman made that ultimatum I would choose the dog. Ultimatums don't work. They just cause the other person to dig their heels in or resent the other person.

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    • well it looks like we both have to resent each other now. I've been resenting him for keeping that dog and not training it for three years already.

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe try to train the dog yourself? I'm sure that's the last thing you feel like doing while you're pregnant, but it doesn't have to be anything major. Just small things, on a daily basis, that the dog will gradually get used to. I know dogs with lots of energy can be difficult to deal with at times, but it's completely possible to train them to be well-behaved.

    When our dog behaved poorly, we would reprimand him verbally and use a small water bottle to squirt him. Now if he ever misbehaves, and we reach for the bottle, he sees it and knows to stop and calm down.

    Some people recommend tapping the dog on the face when you tell it "no" - please don't do this. It seems harmless and non-violent, but it is damaging to the dog. You can always tell when a dog has been hit or trained to fear being touched in the face, by the way it flinches when someone goes to pet it. There are plenty of ways to train dogs without doing things like that.

    And of course, reward good behavior when it happens.
    Maybe if your husband sees your efforts, he will feel more motivated to help out. Not sure how much you've talked to him about this, but it can't hurt to voice your feelings again.

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    • I have been trying to do basic training (sit, stay, no, heel) for two years. the only thing he's learned are tricks like "shake" because he only is asked to do that when my husband is about to give him a treat. I am 7 months pregnant, exhausted, work full time, and do not want to spend any more time with this damned dog than I already have to just by living with it. the water bottle thing works when we're eating or sitting on the couch and I dont' want him constantly scratching me and snapping to get attention. He whimpers when he gets sprayed and retreats with his tail between his legs for like two minutes and then is back at it. my husband feels bad for the dog when I do this, but it's the ONLY way i get any peace and quiet. He was a rescue, so I dont' know how he was trained before, but the only punishment my husband will allow is to put him out in the backyard for a bit.

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    • Ah, good luck. Sorry it had to come to such extremes! And let us know how things go or if you need any more help.

    • he dropped the dog off with his mom and then pouted and refused to talk to me all weekend. He was storming around and slamming doors and slammed one in my face. I left and am staying with a friend.

  • You're going to have a baby in the house soon. Tell your husband that if nothing else, he needs to seriously train your dog to be more well-behaved for the kid's sake. If not, then you just don't feel comfortable having the dog in the house. So it's either train the dog, or give him away. I love dogs, but you can't let them behave any way they want.

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    • he treats it like a child. he "feels bad" if he tells the dog no. If he's jumping up on you, if you move out of the way, he'll keep doing it and when he rakes his claws down you, if you pick up his paws and gently drop him back down to the floor, he sometimes yelps like you've just stepped on his tail. I don't understand it, but that behavior and the pathetic whining and scratching that he does when we put him out of the room to eat or to sleep etc. makes my husband feel bad and then lets the dog go back to scratching, pawing, begging and snapping. He has NO backbone when it comes to the dog and pouts instead.

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    • Well, good luck. It sucks that he's not taking your concerns seriously and being more understanding. Let us know how it goes.

    • he dropped the dog off with his mom and then pouted and refused to talk to me all weekend. He was storming around and slamming doors and slammed one in my face. I left and am staying with a friend.

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