I want no kids at the wedding and now my fiance is mad and his mom acted like I killed someone?

My fiance's family is nice when they're on their good side. They are the stereotypical church family with each their own liquor cabinets that turn around and criticize others for drinking. One top of that too, they don't have etiquette. For example, at our engagement party his mother didn't call my mom about who to invite and it was all his side at the party. On top of that too, no one sat with us but on the opposite side of the room instead and talk over us during games.

Due to our budget and me doing all the wedding planning myself, I wanted a formal gathering with only adults and no kids. Due to I don't want children running around at a nice venue, secondly their is alcohol, and thirdly I don't have the space.

After the invitations are sent out his whole family yells at my fiance for feeling insulted by the adult only invite and in turn he yells at me. Later his mom texts me saying "just wanted to let you know I'm beyond hurt this time..." acting as if I murdered someone. I didn't bother to text back and I feel she owes me an apology.

I'm going to be a stepmom with a six and three year old and they are the flower girl and ring bearer. Thus because he has kids then kids need to be there too. I disagree and think they can last four hours without them.

Now I'm upset and I don't know how to handle it. He wants kids and I don't even though I'm doing 98% of the work. Who's in the right?

Updates:
I'm doing all the work because he doesn't want to do any of it and the kids decision was decided before his family started yelling at him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he had his ideas on how he wanted the wedding, maybe he should of helped out more with the planning. Too late now, no kids, oh well.

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What Guys Said 5

  • "at our engagement party his mother didn't call my mom about who to invite and it was all his side at the party." That isn't an etiquette problem. That is just downright rude and intentionally leaving your family and friends out of what should be something for both sides. She does not like you. People at the engagement party ignoring the engaged couple is plain rude, So it looks like your fiancé's family and friends feel the same as his mother.

    "After the invitations are sent out his whole family yells at my fiance for feeling insulted by the adult only invite and in turn he yells at me" The fact that you are doing 98% of the work does not mean it is your wedding alone. Your fiancé is half of the marriage and should have been consulted before you finalized any decisions. I think your desire to not have kids at the reception is reasonable, but that must be a joint decision and you left him out. And couples who want to have a good marriage involve both families in decisions about the wedding.

    As for you doing 98% of the work, I am wondering why your family, his family, and your fiancé himself have not been involved. If it is because you wanted to do it all yourself and make all the decisions, it is coming back to hit you.

    Sounds like war is going on and you are fighting both your fiancé and his family, and the rigors of marriage, as well as taking on two kids that are not your own, are likely to make it a short marriage. You have problems with his family that surely are not new, his opinion is the same as his family's and you are on the outs with him, you were controlling on the wedding planning, etc. You should really rethink your marriage.

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  • I think it should have been thoroughly discussed before hand, but I don't know the circumstance to how the wedding was planned. As the most helpful person was chosen for their statement saying that he probably didn't participate. If this is true, then you're in the right.
    I myself wouldn't mind if kids were are my wedding, but this isn't "my" wedding. nor it is your mother in law, but it's both you and your fiances wedding. That being said, all mother in laws are evil and should be ignored. Kidding of course, but the best mini vacation. Is driving your mother in law to the airport.

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  • If you people are getting married because you love each other. Wouldn't you want the other person to be HAPPY at the wedding?
    It is supposed to be one of the most joyful days of your life.

    Furthermore with this attitude the wedding won't last very long.

    To conclude, if you organized it and didn't take into account his wishes you poorly organized it in my opinion.

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  • Don't want kids at your wedding? You sound like a real joy.

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  • Neither of you is right or wrong when it comes to the kid thing, but you all sound a bit annoying to me, including you. For what it's worth, I would want the kids there. But that's just me and I would be willing to compromise if it was important to her.

    It does concern me that you two are having this sort of problem before you even walk down the aisle. Just sayin.

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    • By the way, I know brides feel very entitled when it comes to their wedding days, but just because you are doing "98% of the work" does not make this wedding 98% yours. That attitude is asking for trouble when you're only just beginning your life together. His feelings are important, as are his family's. Marriage is all about teamwork and compromise. Might as well start getting used to that idea now or you are fucked before you even start.

What Girls Said 6

  • No one is really right or wrong. Maybe the children can come to the ceremony but have someone take them home around 7pm to be watched by a babysitter. I remember when I was a kid I went to a wedding but only until a certain time. At least this way everyone gets what they want.

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  • damn! your mom in law is very conservative that's why she is acting in such a dramatic way like that lol

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  • I don't want kids at my future wedding either. However my rule is that only the people who are actually in the bridal party may bring their kids if they have any. Lol @ your step mom. I think your day should be however you want it to be. Was your fiancé ok with this before everyone started yelling at him? If he only changed his mind because of them, then he needs to stand his ground and stop looking for everyone's approval. The invitations are already sent. Oh well.

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    • That's the thing, he was fine with it before people started yelling at him.

    • Oh ok. Then like I said, he needs to stand his ground.

  • It's down to personal preference, I think you could compromise with only having some children at the wedding, although I understand your desire to not have them there

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  • If he has kids then yes kids should be allowed to attend.

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  • Neither of you are. It should have been discussed before marriage what you expected from each other.

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    • Read it wrong!! It should be a balance but I get why you don't want kids. This is your day, but if he wants kids there, maybe you could compromise on something.

    • I told them they can come to the ceremony but not the reception.

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