Are men closed off to marriage these days?

I read articles saying women should get married in their 20's while they are the most attractive, but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that when men seem so against marriage these days? What is a woman supposed to do to secure a relationship with a man if men don't want to get married anymore?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Women who get married in their late teens or early 20s have the highest divorce rate, somewhere around 60%. Women who only have high school education have a high divorce rate too.
    The average divorce rate for first marriages is about 44%. The majority of the time, the wife just says she's fallen out of love, can't find a reason or anything she wants changed, but she just wants a divorce after 5 or 10 years. Men rarely file for divorce.

    Men don't find those odds tempting. Would you bet your life savings and future happiness on odds like that? Divorce can be a big financial disadvantage for a man, especially if already has children by then.
    Women brought this on themselves and it doesn't matter how much a woman claims to love a man in the beginning, it still happens.

    Here's what mostly happens, even without divorce:
    Men love women.
    Women love children.
    Children love guinea pigs.
    The guinea pig wins, no-one loves the man, and he just pays for the whole deal.

    In 50% of marriages, the wife will be turning off the physical attraction and affection at about 4 years. The sex practically stops, and that's a good barometer of the health of a marriage. A lot of those 50% will soon be cheating or divorced, or both. Women don't normally cheat until 5 years into a marriage. For men who cheat, it's more like 10 years. Only 20% of wives will be showing much physical affection to their partner at 20 years into a marriage. Some men won't even get a kiss when they leave for work or return home, and that's not what they bargained for.

    20% of all marriages in the USA are sexless (10 or less times a year), and again that's not what a man bargained for.

    If only men could determine which women are in that 20% who can stay attracted and affectionate for 20 years, more men would be tempted to marry and stay married. There is almost no way to tell, because they all look convincing at the beginning. It's probably genetic, and some family history might be a good guide.

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    • I definitely see your point. I personally don't want children, & my reason for wanting to married is to have a life companion. I don't personally believe in divorce, & if that did for some reason happen (which would be at his hands, not mine), I would not try to take things that belonged to him in the beginning. I definitely understand what you mean about falling out of love. I think many women have a warped sense of what love is, & think it is supposed to be like it is in movies. Real love is work, & it isn't always pretty. I honestly feel like I'd be a good wife & would cherish my husband, no matter how old we became or how hard life became. I have very traditional values, & I think marriage is a serious thing, not just something to jump into blindly. Thanks for your great answer.

What Guys Said 19

  • I'm not closed off to marriage but I'd have to be with someone for a long time before I'd even consider putting that on the table.. I need assurance that a woman would be ready to put years of commitment into the deal.

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  • 20s isn't bad i mean if its like mid to late 20s, but early 20s thats kinda hard in this generation unless 1 or the other or both are doing well. but i think you'll hear from most guys that it really doesn't matter. there's seriously articles about this? daaang lol.

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    • Yes, they talk about how it gets harder for women to find mates as they get older, as many men want younger women (so men in their 30's will want women in their 20's). I'd prefer to have someone my age, so I'd like to find someone in my 20's.

  • Honestly, no, but a sizable minority are.

    Many of my friends got married pretty young. Those that didn't, became in even LESS of a hurry to get married...

    I'm sad to say that when they saw how marriages actually were, it made them want it less, not more.

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    • What do you think it is about marriage that is such a turn off for men? Are you married by chance?

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    • That's odd to hear, I've heard women are at their sexual peak in their 30s & 40s... I'm going to guess the reason might actually be because they have children, & that can tire anyone out.

    • Yeah, I'd heard the old 'women peak 30's 40s' thing, but i very rarely actually see that happening in married couples. I think it's BS, lol. I think it reflects a few things:
      - once upon a time, young women were totally repressed, it took them that long to get comfortable and figure themselves out sexually. That's MUCH less true today.
      - women used to have kids earlier, so by late 30's early 40's, their kids were independent and so were they. If that's the answer, there's hope that my wife's will pick up in 5 years or so when the kids are older...
      - i think single women that age have given up on trying to act like prudes. Plus a new partner can fire up women's sex drive. So men DATING women that age find them high drive. That plus low drive women that age i suspect don't bother dating too much, because they actually have to TRY to date.

  • My teens sucked, so I'm having all my fun in my 20's.

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  • I can understand why more men nowadays are against marriage.

    1. Alimony
    2. Child Support
    3. Lose Respect - Media depiction of husbands being stupid, lazy, overweight (Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin)
    4. Less Sex
    5. Lose Friends

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    • Thanks. I find the media depiction of men very offensive & inaccurate.

  • I dont know about other guys, but I am looking forward to getting married and having kids at some point in the future. (im 21)

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  • I've been really against marriage for a long time but if i ever think i found the one then id probably ask her to marry me

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  • Ya they are still focusing on scoring 200+ cuties before settling down. If u dont wanna be one of our sex toyz, i suggest u wait alil longer ;3

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  • im not super keen on it myself. I would have to wait until I'm a lot older than i am now to consider it. I definitely don't plan on getting married in my 20's.

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    • So you'd like to get married in your 30's or 40's?

    • i may consider it. But I've had more opportunity to see what marriage looks like, especially from a male perspective, and it doesn't exactly inspire confidence in me to take the leap. Just being honest

    • Thank you for your honesty :)

  • I definitely want to get married, just preferably not until both my girlfriend and I are >30 years old. I feel life experience changes you, and I'm not sure if I could make such a big decision in my 20's.

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  • so you need to stay pretty until they are ready for it.

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  • Plan to get married in my 20s !!!

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  • Marriage? Not interested
    Children? Not interested

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    • Do you think you'll feel differently about marriage when you get older, & start to desire a life companion? Thanks

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    • Do you prefer to just have a relationship & sex, but never get married, or do you not have relations with women either. If you don't mind me asking.

    • Just friends with benefits thats all. Maybe go to dinner and see a movie things of that sort every once in a while.

  • I want to but not in my 20's that is young. 30's yes !

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    • Alright, thank you, Will you be open to dating women in their 30's when you are in your 30's? Just curious.

    • I'm 29 at the moment my girlfriend is 31 :)

    • Thank you

  • It's true that a lot fewer men are interested in marriage today. It's not a smart move for most men considering all the pitfalls they face in marriage now. It's not like it used to be.

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    • Are you talking about how a man might lose his house & kids? I wonder why more men don't get a prenuptial agreement before getting married, that would seem to handle a lot of discrimination that happens to men if they get divorced.

    • That's part of it, but there are other reasons too. It's very difficult to find a good woman who doesn't have that entitled attitude most have today. Being married to that is just not appealing.

      Prenups don't cover kids.

  • Men are generally turned off to marriage now. Marriage is a great deal for women and a bad deal for men these days, which is why more and more women want to get married and fewer and fewer men do. Most men are just weighing the pros and cons to marriage and deciding against it.

    www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/11/24/war-on-men/

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    • What do you think could be done so men feel better about marriage?

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    • Thank you :)

    • No problem. Best of luck to you! :)

  • Why would a man want to get married? Marriage is not an equal partnership between the genders, because women end up wielding most of the power. You become his only source of sex, and can use it like a weapon. Or he can stay single and have women constantly have sex with him, in order to try and snag a husband. Anyway that a man can take power over a woman, has been regulated under law to strip him of that possibility. There is nothing in marriage for men, except being a woman's servant. That is why men constantly warn other men not to get married. Those guys aren't joking when they try to talk young men out of marriage.

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    • So where does that leave women, if they want companionship? I have no desire to wield power over my husband or or use sex like a weapon. I believe partners should take care of each other's needs.

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    • There are a lot of guys that want to be married, but are afraid to end up like so many married men they know. You would need to find a man that wants to be married, and then calm his fears about you trying to control and change him.

    • Thank you

  • Many men are closed off to marriage these days.

    But some aren't. So it's those guys that are being referred to when someone says you're most attractive in your 20's. To the guys who are closed off to marriage, of course it's irrelevant how attractive you are.

    Also guys are least cynical in their early 20's

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    • How can a girl tell if a guy is for or against marriage?

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    • I guess you could ask "What do you see in your future ten years from now?" That's a no-pressure question.

    • Thank you

  • I want to marry the first girl i go out with and will not go out with a girl unless i deem her marriage material. I want to married as soon as i meet the right girl and have kids asap so i'm not old like my dad was when he brought me up, i want to be able to play with my kids and do sports with my son

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    • You seem great, good luck in finding that "special" girl :)

    • ha well I think i already have, we shall see ;)

What Girls Said 2

  • No I know many people who have married in their 20s or plan to -including men too

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  • What article are you reading? That's ridiculous. Married in your 20s just because you'll get ugly in your 30s? Does that not seem like a stupid reason to you? But I guess if you're taking that seriously, it doesn't make you the brightest...

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    • Actually I've read article after article regarding this. I don't want that to be true, but there are websites actually dedicated to telling men they shouldn't date women over a certain age. There are some that say the rudest & most cruel things you'll ever hear. And they will have tons of commentators supporting what the article wrote. It's really sad actually.

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