I worry that my boyfriend and I don't work on the same timeline and I can't waste years being tied down in my prime years?

In my culture we are very marriage oriented. He is from a similar background but was not raised with strong ties to the culture like I was.

been together three months and he does talk of a future but in a vague sense. don't want to spend an entire year with someone who doesn't want to at least seriously consider the next step after a year of a relationship.

He had a divorce. No kids but says he wants a family and would get married when he is ready. It cost him a lot to get divorced and he has a job with upward potential but I know things aren't great right now financially. He says they will improve and he always treats me Which I know is a nice thing. But I know he is in a tight place now.

I also fear that even though he says he wants what I want-marriage and family, he will get cold feet. I fear that I am more serious about having a family within the next few years than he is. I want marriage and pregnancy within 2-3 years. He talks about it like "could you see yourself marrying me one day" but never a time frame.

He talks about being together long time. Asks how I would raise kids. But he also talks about getting a new place down the road and it seems he wants to do that before marriage. I fear he would wait years before proposing and I am hitting 24 and in my culture it's prime time for me. I don't want to waste my best years. Especially when there are other men with my cultural values who have less prior baggage never been married and want to find a wife soon.

The honeymoon is over and I care for him. I would never demand or push him for marriage. I know he had a bad first one and I don't want him to hurt. I want him to be happy.

But I fear that if I stay and don't discuss this with him soon I will sacrifice my own happiness.

I like him but not enough to stay if he doesn't want to get engaged in less than 2 year. I have nagging feelings to date others and not tie myself down.

Help?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You've been dating for 3 months and you expect him to marry you? Well sure it's a societal expectation, but so is a 50% divorce rate. You shouldn't be marrying someone unless you've been able to date them for a year, and you sound like the type that gets bored of guys long before that.

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    • I agree you need to date longer. To me it's more that after a few months I get these strong feelings that he is not the right guy for me. It's like I am dreading the relationship and not looking forward to the future.

What Girls Said 1

  • You should be clear with him about your intentions. It's your right to want family when you're still young. You don't wanna waste time if your life plans are different than his, or if his experience with marriage made him indecisive.

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