Husband look at pictures of naked women?
I have explained how this makes me feel and I have begged him to stop doing it. I've been open minded and told him that he can tell me why he does it and I promised not to get angry. He just shuts down and says he doesn't know why he does it. He has made endless promises to stop and he is not the sort of man to break a promise. It is tearing me apart. He is now angry because every time I see the pictures on the computer I confront him and he is angry that I don't trust him enough not to look at the history! I found the first 2 lots of pictures by accident trying to get back to a webpage I had used and since then I have checked the history. I hate myself for it. Last week he was angrier than ever and I finally promised to stop checking. Last night I was trying to do research for a meeting and needed to get back to a webpage I had used and yet again there are more pictures. I kept my promise and didn't go further back in the history and I am now waiting for him to come home from work to confront him about it again! What can I do to make him realize that he's breaking me every time he looks at them?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Ok he looks at porn because he's a dude...It doesn't change the way he feels about you at all. Guys will always be attracted to other girls and girls will always be attracted to other guys regardless of what state of relationship their in. Its just human nature. I'm pretty shore that you found yourself attracted to/ flirting with other guys. I know that it's not at the same level as what he's doing but I hope you understand my point.
I understand you feelings about it and I give you props for keeping your promise to him. However as long as he has a penis I highly doubt he will stop looking at those images. Like I said before it doesn't mean he's lost his feelings for you it just means his a guy.
The only solution I can is have a don't ask don't tell policy between you to. This way he feels less guilty and you don't get as hurt. Get your own computer, have him get himself a laptop or ask him to erase the history when he's done. I know its not much but at lest its some common ground.
If it has turned in to a full blown addiction or it's starting to effect your sex life then I recommend that both of you get in to couples counseling and he gets some help. Hope this is helpful
What Guys Said 30
To the author of this plea: I feel for you. Please know that your concerns are very valid and very correct! The majority of the responses posted here are from those who have no idea what they are saying except repeating the propaganda they've been taught. From their responses it it clear they have done no research whatsoever and are defending destructive behavior to all humans by shifting the blame from where it should be, your destructive husband, and attempting to distract by shifting the blame to the innocent, namely, yourself. Just because they allow their brains and bodies to be prey to manipulators doesn't mean you have to fall for their "sheeple" and weak character. I recognize your responses to be strongly adhering to taking personal responsibility...something which most of those that commented know nothing about. Their responses are extremely self-absorbed and have nothing to do with true human living...in fact, if they would do the research they would find how destructive it is to themselves, those near them and, in fact, the world in general. Please know that you are not alone in defending your true nature of respecting others body, mind, and soul. Even tho so many have been lazy and succumbed to even the most obvious manipulations, there are those that have not. Stay true to what you clearly know and allow those that are against true human behavior to fall by the wayside as its been clearly proven in time that they will eventually implode. Rather than risking yourself and those near you by being close to those destroyers, its wise that you remain strong and true to your clarity that respecting yourself and others is the only constructively pro-human way to live and be happy. Yes, its difficult to be hurt by those you love especially when its so clear how lost they are. The temptation is to "help". The only way they can be helped is to leave them be, remove yourself from the situation, and let them learn their own lessons. He left you because you did not agree...he desired to disrespect himself, you , and all of humanity while you chose to respect yourself and humanity...disagreement! When a relationship is in conflict or disagreement it cannot survive. Because you stayed true to agreeing to constructive human living, you will attract others that do as well and you will be happy associating with them. its sad to see anti-humans destroy themselves especially when they act like they haven't a clue or when they are unwilling to have a clue.There's nothing anyone can do for them. They need to learn at their own pace and/or implode. I'm so happy to see you choosing the intelligent path. Congratulations!
As a guy that has been in two divorces both the causer and the victim I wanted to comment on this. First, guys are very much stimulated visually. Because of that we often find ourselves in trouble when we see someone attractive to us and pay attention to them with a look. It doesn't mean that we aren't in love with the woman in our life. It's how we were programmed. Second, woman are stimulated verbally and romanticly. They need the forepaly, kissing and warmed up before they progress. That causes so much issue between a man and woman. Not that either is right or wrong. If all men are honest they will tell you that they enjoy looking at photos of attractive women and sometimes even nude women. It's not that they want to be with them, but adds to the fantasy aspect for them. With that said, it would have been the right thing for your husband to have talked with you about it or even looked at it with you to help you understand what he was doing and why. The fact that he shut down and close you out was truly the wrong way to handle it. I was once told by a person very smart in turns of relationships that we should never "check up" on our partner. This has more to do with "us" than catching the other person. This causes us to become angry and confrontational with our spouse. Thus, talking stops resentment starts and turst goes out the window followed by divorce. No man will stay in a relationship where he feels "checked up on" not trusted and consumed with restrictions. Its our programming. Good luck.
You are putting way to much into consideration with the masturbation thing. mean he doesn't care, its just a little shot of pleasure that relieves stress. Pictures of naked women for guys are like shoes for women. Seriously, think of something you like to do and then imagine him being really, really offended by it, even if you have doing it since you were wee. It would seem judgemental, wouldn't it? I mean, sometimes I whack it like 6 times a day if I have nothing going on. Would you really want to have sex that often? Little 10 minute forays with no affection involved? Seems like you happen to be a bit insecure and found his looking at porn to be an act of cheating or something, when I can say its nothing more then entertainment. I care nothing for the models online, but I've loved a few girls deeply, and let me tell you, love is completely different from waken'. But, other then his apparent love of porn, I know nothing of this fellow. He could very well have been a prick.
What feelings, you learn from this experience. To tell a guy to stop looking at other naked chicks that they get paid to do online is awful. If you really cared about him you would watch it with him and take down some notes and try some of it in the bed room so he knows your there for him and want to expand ideas of what can happen. Not treat him like a little kid and make him promise to stop doing it. He's a male, we have more urges then woman and its been proven, That's why ads, and music video strip the girls to barely nothing because its not a choice its in our genes. If you don't see how your wrong then I'm really sorry for you and no offence.
Why did he leave you? Did he give you the real reason, or just sugar coat it? Or did he just avoid the fight all together and run, tale tucked firmly between his legs?
So often it is that men are criticized for the thing we do (wrong and seldom for right), but how often do women really put the shoe on the other foot and really look for the reasons for why their husband would leave? I told my wife once before-> I know my flaws and how terrible a man I think I am, and that I at least know the only thing good about me in my life is that I am a good, loving father and a loyal, good employee of the business I work for. Then I told her, when was the last time she looked into a mirror? When was the last time you did?
Copy and paste from another question virtually the same (my answer).
Porn + masturbation is different from sex.
I could quite easily be in the mood for a quick wank, without wanting sex. Masturbation is a purely selfish act that's 100% stress free. You don't have to worry about:
- Do I smell ok
- Did I brush my teeth
- I should have trimmed my pubes
- Is she enjoying this
- Am I going to fast
- Damn I should slow down
- Will this lead to a relationship talk?
And so on. You can just sit back and look at whatever fantasy you happen to like at that moment. The internet (and the porn) allows for us guys to fulfil our generally rapid fire switching of turn ons at will. For instance I might start of, say, wanting to look at Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures, and during the course of a wank, that migrates into big breasts - bouncing big breasts - jumping - skipping - jogging - girls on a beach jogging - sex on a beach. Within the space of a few minutes.
I honestly don't think the majority of girls understand that, or indeed how the male fantasies work. From what my girlfriend has told me, her fantasies when masturbating are long drawn out elaborate scenes. Her favourite is about being a saloon dancing girl in a wild west tavern and being taken by wild bill, the local bad guy. She's been masturbating to the same fantasy and imagined image for years.
All guys are different. All guys have different porn tastes and levels. I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND intently, but at the same time I still watch porn. My friend however, when he started going out with his now wife, he deleted all his porn on his computer (but did admit to watching it still online at times anyhow). Another friend of mine as more porn than the internet! (Seriously, spindles of dvds, all categorised) that he and his girlfriend watch.
Talk to your boyfriend about it, talk to him and say how it makes you feel. But in doing so, try to understand that porn to a male, and masturbation for that matter, is TOTALLY SEPARATE ENTITY to sex with a loved one. I cannot stress that enough.
well at lest he not banging other chicks or maybe he's not that in to you any more me and my girl friend of 3 years watch porn all the time lol and she has a bunch of porn on dvd so alls I can say get over it and y don't you like porn who cares he's getting his nut off to a girl that he will never meet boo hoo hope I helped you
Meaning no offence to the question asker. You can't assume that the porn lead to the break up, or that the porn caused the break up. It could have been a multitude of different reasons.
It's already been said about a thousand times but, in a nutshell.
1: Men will always masturbate and (most likely) look at porn. Even in relationships. Porn and masturbation for males is the same as Mills and Boon for females.
2: If you are uncomfortable with this, for pits sake talk to your partner about it, not bottle it up and ask questions online.
3: However, don't expect them to just stop 100%. That's not going to happen, and not fair.
4: Porn does NOT negate love for a male. They are completely unrelated in our eyes.
5: Masturbation is not the same as sex. Sometimes I want sex, sometimes I want a wank. They serve different functions and the mindset is different.
I love my girlfriend. I love her because she's beautiful, because she's funny, because she treats me great 75% of the time, and 25% of the time she nags me gently. I also love her because she seems to understand male sexuality. We have a good sex life, but we also both have private time. If she sees me looking at girl on TV she knows it in no way reflects upon my love for her. And I dare say it's probably because I make a habit of telling her I love her. (6yrs into the relationship).
Communication is your friend here.
Nothing destroys love's initial infatuation faster than the realization that our partner's energies, especially sexual, are/have been focused in a direction other than us. In that moment you want to yell, "Hey, What am I, chopped liver?!" Then of course, you ask, "What if I am chopped liver?"
Well, off of the top of my head I can think of a few reasons why we have to vent our sexual energies in directions other than our partners. If you think of more, please let me know:
-Too much sexual energy and their partner can't handle it all.
-Too much sexual energy and their partner doesn't know how or want to manage it all.
-One is upset with their partner and doesn't want to be with them at a moment of coincidental lust.
-Partner is unsatisfying in some way, appearance, performance, respectability.
-One has been tainted by the taste of variety and/or better quality and is greedy. For what ever reason, you’ve been settled for. This last excuse may be a reason. It may be the reason almost all relationships are doomed. I sure hope not though.
At any rate, the person left unfocused on feels betrayed, insufficient, and disrespected since they had been sending all of their energies in the direction of their partner while their partner was directing their sexual energies elsewhere. What may follow? Hardly anything good. The betrayed person may feel entitled to focus their sexual energies elsewhere also. Hence, the relationship breakdown begins to cycle.
I realize I’m much too late to be of any help but I couldn't resist putting in my opinion. This topic has evolved past the intentions of the host and gone on to be a debate about masturbation and pornography.
Health Benefits for Men
Research summarized in a 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that masturbation helps men by:
Improving his immune system’s functioning.
Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.
Making for a healthier prostate.
Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Health Benefits for Females
When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring serves her well by:
Building her resistance to yeast infections.
Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.
Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.
Health Benefits for Both Sexes
Masturbation rewards both men and women because it’s:
The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.
A great form of stress relief.
A mood booster in releasing endorphins.
A natural sleep sedative.
A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.
A natural energetic pick-me-up.
Once we get over our sociological ways of thinking you have to realize masturbation is a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do. Self-pleasuring is the second most common human sex act.
As for pornography; it’s part of being human.
Pornography is one form or another has been around sense the dawn of man. Ancient civilizations from all around the world divulged in the knowledge that sex was a beautiful thing and depicted in many forms from encryptions on walls to paintings and statues. If given today’s technology, yesterday, they would have done no different.
Ancient civilizations may have been to slack with sex having it a common public occurrence but today’s society is much too strict as if it’s a forbidden fruit even in the privacy of your own home. Sooner or later the cloud of ignorance will fade and the mass will accept human nature for what it is.
Pornography is a tool to get your jollies; nothing more. Without visual stimulation reaching a climax can take hours and really, who has hours to spend masturbating? There is not ethically wrong with it.
MY opinion, not yours.
Men look at naked women's pictures because they are beautiful and we enjoy them. Other people may enjoy looking at pictures of flowers because they are beautiful they enjoy seeing them. I like naked females and flowers. :)
A better question might have been "Why do I have this irrational need to control what my husband looks at?" It would seem you have a real problem with insecurity. You would be well advised to get some help with your insecurities and to stop wasting time trying to control your husband. He is a free male, supposedly able to make his own personal choices.
My wife is a nut for watching CSI programs. I do not like them at all, but I have no right to impose my choices on her, so she watches them any time she likes and I watch what I enjoy. If you try to control someone too much, they will often look for a means to escape. Maybe keep that in mind next time you are deciding what your husband can do or look at.
get over it, guys look at porn, that's the way it is. he's not doing anything with the porn star in real life and probably wouldn't even if given a chance. the idea of porn is that its imaginary, its not real, doesn't really happen (do you get the point?) guys look at porn and that's never going to change. it doesn't matter how long you have been married, some times you just have to get off on something and porn is so easy to do that. he still loves you, still does things with you...so why would you care if he looks at porn? have you ever just been horny and wanted to do something about it? cause that's all he's doing.guys get horny and jerk it asap
sometimes its easier to think of someone as a sex symbol when you don't know them. when you get to know them and they become real to you, they become a real person you relate too and not an imaginary f*** bucket. I don't mean to be crude but the point is porn means nothing. love is the greatest turn on of all, that's why its qualitively different to wank fodder.
Listen to what 'Nymphoman' said and also other people who argued along the same line. It's not the end of the world for you and him. So please don't make it as if it is. It is a great embarrasment for him if the marriage failed because of some porn. But I will lose all respect for you if a wife left a husband because of some porn. Because of some porn?! Please, don't we already have better concern in the world today? Imagine what he is feeling now that you come to this site to ask for opinion and advice from any Tom, Dick and Harry? Actually, it's more like you're CONFIDING in us, you're seeking comfort from us strangers. How would he feel? Imagine this is not a virtual place. Imagine this is some dark alley somewhere in the outskirt. You need someone to talk with. Fine! We can cry with you. Then we f*** you. There's over 20 of us here. It's a gangbang! I do you first, I insist. Now imagine what he's feeling that you're coming to us? WOMAN, THINK BEYOND YOUR SELFISH REASONING!
Check out the book Every Man's Battle link
Porn can be more addictive than the hardest drugs for some guys. Without help, it can be a very frustrating and demoralizing process to try and cut the habbit. If he really wants to stop, he needs accountability from someone other than you and possibly some professional help.
I am a married man, my wife KNOWS I look at porn, does she care, no, do I still shut the pages down when she comes into the room, yes.
You confronting him is embarrassing to him, of course he will get angry because its the only way a man can get out of embarrassment.
I don't see why you get upset really, it's not as if he is doing anything physically with these women and newsflash dear, he doesn't find them as potential next wife or a bit on the side, I'm sorry to be blunt but it's just for a good old classic masturbation time.
Men are turned on by porn, it's natural and when some guy scoffs at porn "oh I don't need that sort of thing" I respond with a resounding "yeh right" because its bull.
ALL straight men look at porn from the very basic to the bizarre and the taboo, we look at women in the street when your not looking, we fancy the neighbour across the street, don't be surprised to know we fancy your sister or your friends, we deny it but trust me, its what we do.
Now then, the difference is, do we act on it, that is the thing that separates the loyal from the cheaters, if you are scared that he will eventually take out his lustful fantasies in real life by having an affair then believe me, no amount of censoring him will prevent that from happening, if a man will cheat then he will do so porn or not.
Also if that is your fear then wouldn't you rather like my wife have the knowledge that no matter how many busty ladies I see being bent into awkward positions and entered by 3 men at a time that I lay next to her at night and the only woman I love and have sex with is her.
At the end of the day your man is a hot blooded male, he needs to masturbate as we men folk do and porn or not he is doing so and its a little unfair for you to prevent him from doing so, in the long run he is with you, he loves you and knows how to separate the tarts on the screen who he couldn't recognise in a line up because they are just objects of sexual entertainment from the woman he loves and cares about;
Be a dear, leave him alone, if you don't want to know but will leave him be then tell him to download ccleaner to clear his history to prevent you from obsessing over controlling his need to toss off, stop embarrassing him, women don't realise that men actually need to masturbate otherwise they become agitated, aggressive and annoying.
They aren't real to him, you are and have nothing to worry about.
take it easy. it don't reflect on you. its probably more a case of fantasizing about emotional freedom then comparing you to them. look at it this way he has invested his life with you, with them he has invested 3 minutes and a hanky. most guys are polyogamous to a degree and its so innocuous compared to an affair or otherwise. big him up in bed. tell him you mss his wild side etc. but don't compete with a wank puppet. its silly. it means nothing to him, unlike you telling him what he can and can't do which will p*ss him off.
With some guys, it is because we want to get ourselves off. It's nice sometimes getting off one extra time during the day, and it hurts no one. And some of those guys use porn during these occasions.
With other guys it could be their way of keeping the jive alive with their wife without cheating.
And some just can't stand their own wives so they have nothing better to do.
But why are you checking his history? You know he does it, you don't need proof.
This is very usual for many men, and it doesn't mean that he likes 'them' more than you, this is just a behaviour that he got into, probably for a pretty long time ago.
But it seems like he is addicted to this, and there is actually help for it, just like for drugs and gambling etc... there is help for all kind addictions.
Ofcourse, this kind of things can embarress most men and probably he dislikes the idea, but it could be necessarily to start seeing someone that can help him to lose this behaviour
What Girls Said 34
I feel very conflicted on this topic because I get both sides of it...the husband and the wife. As a wife, I felt very insecure about what he was viewing online and in magazines (all of which he tried to hide from me of course and I understand why...it's private and he knew it would piss me off!). I have to preface this by saying that some kinds of images bothered me and others did not. I was bothered at the images of beautiful bikini clad models. I was not bothered by real p*rn, showing people having sex. With the former, these images threatened me. I did not look like these women and could not compete with that and it made me feel less and like I was not what he REALLY wanted...it made me feel like he preferred these women (these images of highly sexualized and perfect looking very young women) over me. Keep in mind, I'm not a bad looking woman and definitely not prudish, far from, but I am not 20 that's for sure. We had looked at p*rn together and I didn't and don't feel like that is abnormal or immoral. I don't feel threatened by this kind of imagery...only the imagery of what I mentioned above...the sexy pin up type models not "having sex", just showing themselves in a sexual way. I also get this is natural and beautiful and don't find there is something wrong with a man (or woman) who enjoys it. One of the reasons it was an issue for me was that there were things terribly wrong in other areas of the marriage and this just added and spoke to those other things. He always found a way to "check out" or blame me for everything, even if he was the guilty party. When I told him this bothered me, it was MY fault..not his. He didn't try to understand or respect it and he certainly didn't try to stop because he knew there was an issue there...he only hid it better. Now that the marriage is beyond repair (for so many other reasons than this topic), he is way more blatant about it and doesn't even try to hide it that well. I just discovered all sorts of cut outs from magazines of bikini clad women pasted inside the cupboard doors in his "man cave". I opened them looking for some duct tape and there they were. Pissed me off but all I thought of was, "Is this guy f***ing 16 years old?" Just pathetic for a man of 51, I think. Anyway, I don't feel like a husband should be so insistent on having to plaster this sh*t up to look at in the home he shares with his wife...I think it IS disrespectful to me, especially if he knows it bugs me. I also think that's a little different than trolling around online...it's just so pervasive there. Whatever, look at it and have your little wank and then get out and keep it private! Don't put up these pictures in the house, even if it is in your man cave! And boys...at least try to understand how we may feel a bit threatened, especially if you're generally dismissive to the woman no matter what the conflict is.
Wow just reading this and it scares the sh*t out of me cause I too think this is a problem and my guy told me he would not do it and I am afraid to look in the history just for the simple fact He is the one who told me he would stop and if I look I might find what I don't want to. I don't want to get myself into this to much but I feel if you make it clear to your partner how you feel and he still does it then yeah he don't respect your feelings. I'm giving my guy the benefit of doubt that he has stopped but It something All guys do and its just a matter of how much am I willing to deal with it. If this guy does it and the next guy does it and the next guy maybe I should find security with my man now cause beyond the looking at pictures he is the best thing to me.. I can't be home all the time and I guess men have bigger needs than to wait.. Honestly it don't make a lot of sense to me why they do it either but its what they do. The world has made it so easy to be tempted and everything is right there with the click of a button.. Good luck to you and me to find and be with men who respect feeling ...
for those that can't understand why this bothers a woman... it is bothersome because we want to be the one whom our man directs all his attention and affection towards. we want to be his image of the 'perfect woman'. we don't care if his friends or family think we are the hottest thing on earth, but we do care if he does. when a husband looks at other women for sexual fulfillment, it is a crushing blow to the wife's self-esteem BUT even more-so it is a blow to the foundation of the relationship. as the woman goes about her day thinking of the husband and missing him and thinking of ways to please him (not just sexually, but overall just to make him happy), and then she finds that rather than him thinking about her in return and ways to make her happy- he is instead too infatuated with big boobs and air-brushed vaginas to even give his wife a second thought. then, yes it bothers any normal woman! it's also proven that p*rn releases a chemical in the brain that is the same as drug addiction and every time of looking at p*rn, desensitizes the person more and more until they need more vulgar images to get it off the next time they are looking at it. sex is an expression that should be shared between two people, not one person and a computer screen or magazine poster. for those that think masturbation is a requirement, then fine but the person can think of their spouse during that time... not some girl who wouldn't give you the time of day unless you were paying her by the minute! think about that when looking at the pics and then tell us how turned on you really feel. the way I see it, is if you want someone who looks and acts like a hoe on a magazine then go find them instead of wasting someone else's time and instead of pretending that person was everything you ever wanted. another thing when you are 'wacking it' to these images is to remember that 99.9% of these women wouldn't be standing up there nude if they weren't sexually abused growing up. so, as you look at these women- picture yourself as an abuser cause at that moment as dumb as she is for taking her clothes off for the camera- she is still a victim. she doesn't know anything else except to be a victim and what does that make you? you guessed it- you are the abuser. does that thought make you wanna go masterbate? well, if so then you have even bigger problems than you know. either way- to the guys that think p*rn is cool and everyone should be OK with it- why don't you all just meet up somewhere and take pics of each other in thongs and high heels. sounds to me like you are about that desperate and it would save any woman from getting suckered into thinking she is the one for you, only to find out she will never, ever measure up to your masterbation requirements. yeah, looking at it is embarrassing and shameful for a reason- because it's GROSS to be so desperate that you can't even make an honest connection to another living person, but instead you have to make love to your own hand!
Because you are pushing him. He needs some space, and maybe some things are bothering him.
I used to do that when my girlfriend was here, now she's away in Italy for a month, and I've totally lots interest in that. I miss her (in a painful way).
Could also be that he is doing that to make it easier to stay with you - maybe that's his way of having his "space" or makes him feel like he's single, something he misses or longs for for some reason. Please don't take this bad, I'm being frank with you, but I think it's rather the 1rst explanation I gave - lack of space - and that's not physical space.
Good luck, and I hope you don't go into the "addiction" thing and start calling him an addict, etc... that's just ugly. There is no such thing as p*rnography addiction being a big problem, otherwise the majority of guys are in serious trouble. I have read a study that says that most (it was like over 80% - forgot the exact numbers ) guys watch p*rn several times a week. It was made in canada - so don't worry.
Im so sorry. I hope everything goes well for you in the future. I hope you find someone who respects your feelings and communicates what is really going on before there is heartbreak. Best of luck. Always look into your gut feelings I would next time advise you to talk to a counslor next time a problem like this persists she or he may have a better understanding about what's really going on in his brain whether its just a surface thing like masterbation or a deeper issue.
I'm sorry that he did that to you... and the fact that he left you over it just goes to show that you are better off without him... if he can not take your feelings into consideration forget about it...he was not worth your time, and the fact that you asked him over and over again to stop and he didn't is absolutely unacceptable if he truly appreciated you he would value your concerns and try to change... I hope that this whole ordeal is an eye opener for you and that you can find a good man that will not treat you that way... and when you do you can give him naked pictures of yourself so that you won't have a repeat problem in the future :)
Why should he have to explain it and why is it so odd to you? Speaking from the perspective of a grown woman, I expect it to be human nature for a man to look at pictures of women. They are photographs, not real people. He's not cheating on you by looking online or at a magazine. At the end of the day, you are the one he shares his bed and feelings with. Why make someone feel guilty for their human hormonal tendencies? Of course he's going to shut down, it's embarrassing. It's healthy to let your man have a fantasy outlet, as long as it remains a fantasy. Unless he's running around with other women, you shouldn't feel threatened at all. It doesn't mean you aren't enough. This is only destructive if you put it in your mind that it is. You are just going to end up driving him away by preventing him from being who he is. Unless you want it to go from pictures to other women, I'd let it go. If you notice anything pertaining to phone calls to your house you don't recognize or legitimate cheating behavior, then you can be worried. This sounds like a personal insecurity on your part and not a problem on his. Have you never once had a fantasy about another man? It doesn't mean you are any less in love with your husband, it's just human nature and isn't meant to be acted upon in any other way. Find a way to compromise or learn to let this one go.
i would be upset if my boyfriend or husband looked at other naked women.
i'd find it disrespectful
if he continues, I would seriously consider getting him to see a counsellor
if he knows it doesn't make sense and he still does it, well, he should learn to have more control
i am picky when it comes to guys
but seriously talk to him face to face and then just say it's our relationship on the line.
i am black and white when it comes to things like this
men love to look at naked women. Why? I have no idea, I don't know why I and I'm sure many women like the sight of a well toned fella on the beach. If you try and supress human nature you end up with unhappy humans. I do not believe that your opression of your ex's desire to look at naked women is the reason he left, but perhaps your harping on about it didn't help. When we human beings learn and accept human behaviour and needs we will all live happier lives.
I think you have focused on this irrelevant issue and blamed his need to look at naked women as the reason the relationship fell apart but really it was just an excuse to ignore other more important issues that you were un willing to deal with. Relationships do need work, both of you need to put it in, it's not fair to be blaming it on him and a normal desire in humans to see naked, attractive flesh. I'm sure he's a d*** for what ever reasons but it's nothing to do with looking at naked women.
if you want to try and save your relationship you have to be honest with yourself and ask why it went wrong and try and fix it, if you really want to, if you don't then just move on.
Well, as you found out, this isn't about naked pictures, this is about communication, respect and trust. I personally do not have an issue with my man looking at pornography. Never have, never will. I like it too. No biggie. But, the part about him having the nerve to get angry at you for checking up on him is ridiculous. You obviously had a gut instinct he was not keeping his promise to you and you were right. On top of it all the underlying fact that obviously there was no healthy communication going on or he would have been honest with you and debated this topic instead of just pretending like he was going to stop. In the end, when we meet each other as a couple with anger instead of the ability to debate and communicate, it is the start of the end of the road for the relationship. It could take years, could take less time, but when two people cannot respect each other and work things out, even if it is to agree to disagree, they will eventually not love each other.
He left because he never loved you, it is another issue. If in the future you meet a man who loves you, the best thing you can do is to let him be. If you porn discusts you, it is ok, but don't impose on him, to lose him because of that is stupid. You see you ask to take into consideration the feelings of the people around you, do the same thing i.e. take into consideration the Nature of the people around you.
Geez- no offense, but I think you need to lighten up-he's not cheating on you, he still loves you- and so I hate to say it but responding like this is really not going to help your case...how about instead of acting like this about it, accept it and try and improve your sexual relationship with him, so he won't have to watch porn so much...but even still, men who are dating incredibly attractive women will still enjoy looking at other women, will fantasise about being with other women etc. because men function a little differently from women when it comes to sex and are more inclided to have ploygamous desires. But getting that angry about it really isn't going to help anyone, least of all you and having looekd at your updates that's somethign you might want to consuder in your next relationship. xxxxxxxxxx
I seriously HATE guys for saying "hes a man. men do that". If he's your husband and he loves you and respects you he wouldn't need to look at them because he has you and loves you. It really seems like his respect for you really goes down the toilet... obviously he sees how much this hurts you but he still continues to do it. If He promises to never do it again then there shouldnt be a problem with you looking at the history nor should he get angry at you for doing it... If he can't fix it all together you might want to rethink your marraige if all he's gonna do is lie to you...
If I were you I'd let him enjoy the pictures. Men are polygamous, women tend to be monogamous. If you trust him, and show him that you love him no matter what, he will feel good in your presence and he will not stray. If you try to control him, he will search for what he needs elsewhere. Hope this helps.
Look everyman is going to look my husband is an ass man I know this I would never say babe you can't look at another woman's ass its what they do as long as he comes home to you and you know he loves you let him do it. Ok here's how you keep his attention the main thing men love is a certain part of their woman's body let him see you naked what attracted him to you in the first place let him look at you naked let him touch you if your not comfy with your body that's not what matters men love beyond looks yes its important but he loves you for a reason here's what I do ten years later 30 pounds extra he loves me I'm comfy with my body I know he loves my booty so I put the kids to bed get in the shower invite him with me or join him let him see me all of me when we get out he puts lotion on me I lotion him then I let him see my body as he wants to any outfit any thing he wants I give as he does for me its how to keep his mind from wondering. Try it girl
tlk to him...let him kno of ur deep deep love for him...and here's an idea...maybe there isn't enough excitement...a womans body is a beautiful thing...theres nothing wrong with looking but all about the motive of looking...maybe you could get creative and get nude pics...if you comfortable wit tha...by a special photographer tha you would trust...amke a calendar or something fo ur man as a gift and let him kno tha you want him to enjoy himself with you and tha you want to fufill his need and want...tha the otha pics cannt make him happy but you can be thur and if he want to look there they r...of u...get a little freaky...do some fun pics...u kno the kind tha would turn him on...let him enjoy the pics...lol..maybe tha is an idea...but hey not every gurl is up to tha...and you kno? he may see tha therou the effort you are showing him how babdly you need his trust and all of his attention lov and desire...
All men like to look at naked women pictures that doesn't mean that they have anything to do with them. its gross to you but its natural they re just penises walking around US women.
If I was in your shoes I would tell him not to hide it from me I wouldn't ask him why because its obvious why he does it.. I would actually sit with him and look at hot pictures with him and perhaps show him some hot guys too maybe that would let him know why it p*sses me off. if he doesn't get the idea then watch porn together..
He needs to hear your words. you two are married and he should be only looking at you in a sexual way. Thi is not ok becaue it is affecting you and your relationship between eachother. He is looking at porn and it can only get worst because porn is too an addiction. Sit him down and set it straight. he needs to quit it cause it is not going to be acceptable in this house. You are ofcourse going to check because he is not being open and honest with you. He should not be on the computer looking at other women when he has a woman at home. yes, I would check the history, not because I don't trust him but because I care and want this behavior to stop.
I say you start looking at your own websites. hey what's cool for him is cool for you right? maybe he won't like feeling second best and stop. who cares if it's human nature, if it's bothering you and it's that dumb and cheesy he should just respect you and not do it. I bet he wouldn't like if you were a stripper flashing your body around for men to go home and fantasize too. I feel you 100% it is filthy and disgusting and he should spend more time tryin to please you and make you happy then lookin at some trashy low life women on the computer. tell him to make his own dinner tonight, you have to go to your second job lol. ;)
well I would say that about 88% of the male population masturbates and looks up porn. I think they do it to please themselves but yes it is very hurtful to women because it makes us feel like we are not good enough or hot enough so I understand your pain. Some people have a very serious problem because it is a very addicting thing
Husband? You are being immature. There's nothing wrong with him checking out naked girls. You are making it so much worse by bitching about it. Next he'll be chatting online with babes.
If porn is interfering with daily life,your relationship,work,family and that is all he can do an think about,then he may have an addiction
Look,you sound jealous and insecure
Porn is porn.It's made for entertainment and to help get people off.It doesn't mean he doesn't love you,isn't attracted to you or that his feelings have changed for you
You're only going to push him away,cause you're turning something that is normal and healthy(if done every once in a while) into something embarrassing and a problem
Hmm. Idk, I thought it was normal for men to look at porn. I don't think that his looking at porn means that he loves you any less or thinks you're unattractive or inadequate. It would be different if he was obsessed with the stuff though and was unfaithful. Do you feel that this is an issue because your husband is addicted to porn, or because his looking at porn unsettles you? If you don't suspect your husband of having an addiction, do you think it's fair for you to ask him to stop looking at porn?
You know, you'd be suprised how many men look at these sites. All men are like animals, they want to explore, so for him it may be a safe way online. If you asked in a survey to a guy do you look at porn regularly the result may be 80%! My mum even told my own dad off for viewing pages like this and programs late at night, so he removed the programs. But I checked history and there was all these dirty sites listed. But after that I checked every day and nothing, either he deletes the history or he stopped viwing these pages. But in your case I think you could can settle this situation. Why don't you suprise him once in a while, put on some sexy lingerie and show him what he's missing. If he still continues why don't you ask him to try out these things he sees online on you! watch it together then you will be on fire! lol
That's a toughie. My husband looked at porn as well, all the time. The first time I found it was right after we were married. He was ordering it on demand after I'd go to bed at night. His excuse was "Well you were asleep, and I was horny". I told him how it made me feel unwanted and very unappreciated. I eventually tried to be ok with it, especially while he was deployed. Yeah, didn't work out. Just about a month or so ago, he was listening to a video of it, and I lost it. I told him that I did my part on trying to be ok with it, and now he needed to try to stop looking at it. I spent two years trying to be ok with it, and I just can't be. So now he's no longer looking at it or ordering it (and he doesn't hook his laptop up to the internet at home or even use it so he's gotta use my computer and I know he's not looking at it). And I get the cable bill sent to me in my e-mail so I can pay it so I keep track of what's ordered.
For some people it's that easy to overcome. I really can't tell you what to do about it. Everyone is different and reacts differently to confrontation. My husband isn't the type to immediately get defensive, so it's a little easier for me. The last time I promised him that if those women were so important to him that he just HAD to look at them, then he was done with sex with me. That might have done it, especially after being deployed and sexually deprived for a year. For now we're doing ok with it. But porn is an addiction, and if he decides to stop, and really tries but falls back once in a while, be graceful with it. Addicts sometimes go back to old habits when it gets tough, no matter how hard they try. It's when those fall backs become less and less and farther apart do you know your making real progress :)