Engagement ring together?

Should a couple go together to choose a ring, is they strange?
or should the woman not know until the actual proposal.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My husband and I went and looked at rings before we got engaged so that he could get a sense for what I liked, then several months later, he went shopping on his own to pick out a ring. He actually ended up having one custom designed based on all of the things that I mentioned I liked. It is the most beautiful ring in the world, and I love wearing it everyday. We did go together to pick out the wedding bands (for him and myself), and the final look of the engagement ring with the wedding band is stunning! In my opinion, shopping together for the actual ring kind of takes the magic out of it. Just know what she loves, and keep that in mind as you shop. At the end of the day, she will love it because of what it symbolizes. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 13

  • I think a surprise, if the (usually) man has a good idea that his girlfriend will say "yes" is great. I think an awesome idea is to get some sort of cheaper ring, and just use it as the symbol, explaining you can shop together for the real one.

    or... shopping in general for jewelry and having a good idea of what she'd want is even better.

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  • I really think it should be a together thing. The only reason to do a surprise proposal is if you are afraid they will say no so you bet on the heat of the moment. If you really want to be married then you both know that's what you want. And shopping together is a good first step to the idea of two becoming one.

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  • Shopping for a ring together has its pros and cons.

    The pros are that she will get the ring she wants. Assuming the couple are both on the same page, this also eliminates the possibility of a rejection during the proposal.

    The cons are that there is no surprise, and you may select the wrong ring size or a design she does not like.

    Smart men will know this in advance and prepare for it.
    In my case, when I started dating my wife, I casually inquired what kind of ring she liked. For example, if her girlfriend got engaged, I would simply ask some questions. Like how large was the diamond and what she thought of it. What was the design? Was the stone round, princess, emerald, heart cut? Does she like it, or what does she prefer? Or mention that a white gold ring looks good, rather than gold color and see if she agrees.

    I basically establish the engagement ring she liked in the first 4 months of dating, although I did not propose until 3 years later. The only thing I had problems on was the ring size. Luckily, I studied the fatness of her metacarpals and compared them with girl friends with similar finger fatness.

    I ended up getting the ring at the perfect size and design she wanted. However, I was so edgy about the whole thing on the proposal day, my nervousness alerted her that something funny was going on. She suspected I might propose and I ended up not surprising her, despite all the effort.

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  • I agree with shopping together since this symbol is supposed to on her forever, so long as a firm budget is in place... otherwise breaking the budget sets a dangerous precedent = always broke, always working overtime to catch up with bills = no time for romance

    The old way was for her hint overtly what she likes, what she's seen, what her friends have, then he has the dilemma of what he can afford, bargains... weighed against her potential disappointment in the ring = no, thanks bud.. move along... NEXT!

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  • I don't think there's any "should" here. Some couples talk about marriage a lot, plan for it together, and get the ring that both she and he really want. Some couples have an engagement ring that's a family heirloom, then buy a wedding ring together. Some couples date until he surprises her with a proposal as though it was a big secret.

    Just do what works for you. Or, let other couples do what works for them. Or hey, figure out how to treat people on your own, I'm not your boss. ;)

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    • its not me, I was just curious on some other people's opinions.

    • Show All
    • It's a ring that's been in the family for a long time.

    • oh i never knew that :)

  • We went and got our ring together, it was a nice thing to do as a couple. As far as people talking about engagement rings for her and him, its a nice idea if you want to go that way, but in our case it made more sense to just spend the same money on one really nice ring for her, because she likes wearing jewellry and I hate in. Don't even wear my wedding ring or a watch because I hate having stuff round my wrists and fingers.

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  • Personally, I'd rather no go with a ring. Back in the old days, people didn't have the concept of ring. People didn't spend 3000 dollars on a piece of stone whenever they wanted to get married. it wasn't until the advertising companies advertised it worldwide stating "that if you truly love her, you would get her a ring" did people start buying rings. To me, marriage is about agreeing that you will stay with each other through thick and thin, aka the wedding vows. Wedding rings don't represent that. it's just a stone from the advertising market. Still the idea of buying a ring was so forced into your culture that it looks silly if you propose without a ring. so i personally would not choose a ring together because i want to surprise her. I think that look on her face will be one of the memories id like the treasure forever.

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  • My wife and I bought our engagement and wedding rings together. We wanted to make sure we would be happy with our choices.

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  • Together. Otherwise, the dude's going to get you a piece of crap you'd never wear. You kidding?

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  • I dont understand why I have to buy two rings. Seems suspicious.

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  • Depends: does the girl like surprises?

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  • Not really.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Personally I think they should go together to look at rings and so the girl (or guy I guess) can pick out the one they want or at least allow their partner to get an idea of the type of ring they're interested in. I then think the one doing the proposing should go back alone at a later date and purchase the ring without the other's knowledge and surprise them with the proposal.

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  • I think proposals are disrespectful. The last thing a person should be surprised about is how they are spending the rest of their life... And the person proposing has months or years to plan it the person getting priposed has like one minute to say yes or no... It's as if the only life that is taken seriously is that of the proposer , and the peoepsee is just supposed to stop everything and follow. Or be dumped.

    And as far as choosing a ring there's no reason two people shouldn't choose it... though engagement ring are pointless if both people don't ahve one.

    Engagement rings for women only, is based on a time when women were not allowed to. Approach guys. so the purpose of the ring was for men to know not to approach the woman. She's "taken"

    These days everyone gets approached by any sex... so there is no less reason for men to wear than than there is women. Or no more reason for women to wear them than men... Whichever way you want to look at it.

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  • It's not strange at all. It's common for couples to pick out rings, they'll pick it out and the guy will still put on proposal later. It's all up to what the couple likes

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  • That's totally up to the couple. If you're both cool with it, why not? I personally feel awkward choosing a gift, but I wouldn't be against giving recommendations on the styles I like.

    I don't think the woman should "not know" until the proposal per say, it's cool if she doesn't know WHEN it's happening but generally I think two people usually consent to wanting to marry one another before someone drops cash on a ring.

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  • I think it's way cuter when the soon-to-be-fiance/husband goes ring shopping by himself or/and one of your family members like a sister, mom. And also when the proposal is a surprise

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  • I think it's sweet. and why not get 2 rings, one for each of you to each show you're engaged.

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  • I think for practical reasons it is much better to go to choose the ring with the person proposing. Otherwise he might spend $1000 - $8000 on something that doesn't fit you!!!

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  • That's not strange. Almost everyone does that

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  • In my opinion it depends. Like if the guy wants it to be a surprise he is not going to buy the ring with his girl.. But if they have talked a lot about it and "already feel like engaged" i dont see why they shouldn't go together.
    I think its nicer if the man buys it secretly and its a surprise for the woman.

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  • Its up to them entirely. I've made to clear to my boyfriend from the beginning that if we ever made it to the point where he wants to ask me, I don't want to know its coming and want it to be a surprise. He has his parents rings that he got when they died years and years ago and I've seen them and they're perfect for us. So there won't be ring shopping with us.

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  • I think shopping together would be awkward and pricing being an issue - I would rather he picked for me and at the end of the day, you rarely get ugly rings!

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  • I would like to be surprised but for the wedding ring I don't care if I see that before or not.

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  • I would want to be surprised.. in my opinion. the person I marry would know me well enough to know that the ring would be perfect for me.

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  • should be a surprise

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  • make it surprises , it better

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  • I think the guy should do it himself and the girl can have a surprise

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  • Unless the guy has already asked you To marry him I don't see why there would be any confusion. Men are pretty straightforward about things like that. The fact that there is confusion and communication between you and your boyfriend is a red flag to me

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