Should I worry that he's gonna pop the question?

My bf and i have been together for over a year. I'm the first relationship he's had in almost 10 years (so he says) and i'm the first girlfriend he's ever dated with kids. we split up once for over a week and we got back together. (hes not the type to take women back after they split up). he's older than i am. at first (before the split up) he wasn't sure where we stood. we were just taking it a day at a time. but after our break up, his mood changed. he became a lot more loving, and caring. he didn't want kids and i didn't want anymore children (I already had one from a previous marriage), but i became pregnant and before the split up he was so harsh about it and wanted me to terminate the pregnancy but now, he's excited. when he talks about the future its always "us" or "we" never "I" anymore. and now I've noticed he started calling me his "wife" instead of girlfriend, and considers our relationship a marriage now, and he's so great with my son, he acts like a father figure to my son and always says that he thinks of my son and I first. thats his priority. he even plans on buying the dream house i've always wanted. (a house on a lake)... to be honest, he reminds me so much of my father (who died when i was 20)... should i be worried that he's gonna pop the question? I mean i love him, but i have no plans on getting married. i hate the idea, and i have told him this a lot. (I was married before, and it turned into a bad domestic violence type of marriage) so im really weary on getting married again. Its not that i have commitment issues, but i dont wanna get married again just to go through another divorce. Is he wanting to get married, or am i over thinking?


0|0
15|7

Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like an amazing person.

    He treats your son as his, he obviously loves you, he commits to you, he obviously wants a family with you now. Maybe at first he had doubts about it, or freaked out because you were pregnant, but that is normal. He is making a really big effort based on what you're saying.

    I get why you're scared, believe me. Going through divorce is painful for you, him, and your children, but when you start something already looking at the negative outcome the negative outcome is bound to come. You should stay positive. Every marriage has problems, but he sounds like a decent man who would never abuse you in any way, and you have a kid with him that decerves to have a nice united family.

    Maybe you should start seeing marriage without a negative connotation. Look at the good in him, look at what he has to offer both to you and your children. Think of how it might actually make you happy. Marriage is beautiful. Some people fuck it up anad ruin it for the rest of us, but you're obviously devoted to him, and he's obviously divoted to you.
    I say think about it. He might not even pop the question, but if he ever does, think about it. It might be the best thing in your life.

    Good luck

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • He might want to marry you, but I feel like he'll let you get used to the idea of him being around a while before he dares to do that. And it really might not be that bad of an idea, as long between the time you got back together and when he asks (if he asks) his attitude stays consistent. Don't shoot it down completely! Just make sure he stays how he is.

    3|0
    0|0
  • You are over thinking. I mean you told him you didn't want to get married, so he likely understood that.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I think the point that he completely changed since the break-up has been good for him that he appreciates you more now he's got you back after living without you. I wouldn't worry about him popping the question but if he does just say you're not ready yet because of previous experience. You say you don't want to get married again but you never know a few years down the line you may feel differently about it all.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Why worry about him asking? You can always say, "I'm not ready yet," or even, "No, I like it just the way it is now." I think you are transferring issues from your abusive relationship to this one. If so, please rethink the situation. It sounds like he loves you and your son, and for most women, that's what they're looking for.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If your worried he will you should nun away now! Don't ruin this guy for a second time. You seem very immature totbd discussing marriage

    0|0
    2|1
    • i didn't ruin him the first time. our break up was a mutual decision.

    • Show All
    • Oh sorry about that, he was never married, i was.

    • in any event... dont get married until your sure

  • It seems he id very loving and cares for u and your kids he loves i say get married cause u are overthinking way too much besides most second marrages or more sucessful and maybe ask ur kids what they think of u marry him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • oh boy that's to much for me to read!

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 14

  • Hello There:) It sounds like he took a hiatus from dating for a while because he was deeply bothered by his last girlfriend and did not want to have his heart broken again. Now that he has opened up to you, he sounds anxious and excited to embark on what he feels is a healthy and great relationship. On your part, you have done the holy matrimony routine and are reluctant to give of yourself in that way again. However, I'm sure that you know that a relationship cannot be successful if two people are not willing to trust it. You have to learn to let go of the past before you can truly enjoy the present or future. It sounds like you may not be ready for the degree or level of commitment that he is, as you are already preparing yourself for a future divorce... why is that? Has he exhibited any signs that you consider to be red flags? does he do things that remind you of your ex? if so, these may be the reasons why you are not keen on rushing down the aisle with him. Either way, talk to him about it honestly and openly. Let him know that you would prefer to take things slower, that you love him but may need some more time before you're ready for that level of commitment. If you really love him, then a compromise should be reached. Otherwise, you may damage him or yourself to future relationships. You have both been disappointed in the past which means that neither of you is really willing to fully let go but it also means that you should be able to see the relationship in a more realistic way. Just talk to him about how you feel. If you are really uncertain or uncomfortable, taking a break from things may be a wise choice. You must also consider the affects that this may have on your child so if you're not ready, don't force it. xo

    1|0
    0|0
  • It seems like he wants to get married but talk to him about it. Tell him that you aren't ready for another marriage at the moment. It seems like he really loves you and would like to talk yall's relationship a step further. Since you have told him how you feel then he should respect that but I mean he really won't be able to help how feels and what he wants.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Do you think your past is the only reason why you don't want to get married? At this point while you are pregnant that sounds reasonable but in the future that doesn't sound like a bad idea love.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It sounds to me like he is trying to prove to you that a marriage can be good. That he would be a good husband and not like ur ex. To prevent him for popping the question drop hints about a promise rong. A vow to each other that u will stay loyal and loving and whatever else you would vow at a wedding with him. He can get the feeling and a chance to convince you that he is different. And it gives u the chance to make sure he won't be like ur ex and maybe decide u wish to marry him after all.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would say you shouldn't let previous bad stuff to change your wants or affect your future like that. You should give this guy a chance with things with an open mind. He's different and he seems sooo great for you and your kids

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would not marry him. It sounds like he is proposing and trying to get you pregnant to keep you around and not because this is what he actually wants.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He might ask you... But if you're really worried about it, the best thing to do would be to sit down and talk about it. You say he is very caring and such, so you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Communication is key.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well over thinking it is good. If you two been together for that long. Y'all are definitely ready for the level of commitment.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you dont think its right, best to break it off

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he knows u dont want to be married, he'll probably won't pop the question

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think he's going to marry you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why would you NOT want to get married? You're having his baby..

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know dude, your so freaking lucky your getting everything you wanted with this guy, he loves you and your son, I can understand you are scared but what else can you ask for? You are really lucky you have a man like him, I'm also a single mother and I wished my bf did any of the things your bf is doing for you, don't be scared give yourself the chance to be happy again.

    4|1
    0|0
  • IF he pops the Q
    tell him for now you'd prefer a long resort vacation together
    IF he asks again
    tell him you want to build that perfect house first... WITH an architect leading the way
    (no way you're buying into yet another's idea of "ideal" again that leads to failure)
    IF you both make it this far & he asks again
    tell him OK-love you!
    or go to a shrink, dear

    0|1
    0|1
Loading...