Would you ever consider a polygamorous marriage?

[DancingWithDragons]

Not as in being married to multiple people, but being married to one person because you've fallen in love with them but still open honestly both of you enjoying sleeping with other people as well. (?)
For me, it's really the only marriage I would be in.

Updates

+1 y

Sex and love are two entirely different things. Sex is mechanical and chemical. Love is emotional and mental. I believe that trust is more important than monogamy. And frankly, monogamy is pretty unnatural

[BuchitaBuchys]

While there is no conclusive evidence to state whether humans should be monogamous or polygamous, I prefer monogamy. I understand that there are people who prefer polyamorous relationships, kudos to them, but it is not for me. :(
I put too much attachment to sex, for me it (cheesy, corny, etc.) but like an expression of love. I know there are other ways, but I see it as a "connect" (I guess) of souls or something. I can't explain it. Kinda like a spiritual sense. And no, this isn't like "I can make you see god" or me just screaming "oh god, oh god, oh god". But I mean like it has more attached to it for me, than just sex. And no, I am not religious. I'm atheist.
I understand that this is just me, not many people put so much attachment to sex and can easily separate it from love.

More power to the people who can find a relationship to work for them. If you and your partner are on board, then be happy and continue with that.
But I know for me, I wouldn't be able to. I prefer monogamy.

I cannot explain this attachment that I put to sex. But this picture pretty much shows what I mean. And yes, it's corny and cheesy and lame. I am also a hopeless romantic though:
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images

[DancingWithDragons]

the picture you placed is a depiction of tantric sex which happens to be how I engage also. The only difference between you an I is how many people we engage with. But more power to you, and congratulations on phrasing yourself the most clearly, constructively, and non-judgementally. My only remark would be to stop cutting yourself down in calling it cheezy. It's what feels right for you and thats awesome. Celebrate it, don't make fun of it. :)

[DancingWithDragons]

An actually, at the moment I have no partners. No one deserving near me lol. Sure that'll change soon though ;3 fingers crossed

[BuchitaBuchys]

Many people I know don't know what that means. But yes. Basically tantric sex. I love it. I have never tried a polyamorous relationship, but I don't think it'd be for me. Just cuz I don't prefer it, doesn't mean that everyone has to be like me. As long as they're consenting, and adults, feel free to include as many people as wanted. It's not my business who grown consenting adults love.

It is kinda cheesy lol But I like it. :3

Thanks for MHO :)

[BuchitaBuchys]

Awww. Neither do I :( lol It's cool though. I don't wanna be with someone right now.

Good luck :)

[DancingWithDragons]

Lol thanks girlie :) you too

[front2back]

I agree

[Danielle123]

Marriage is about choosing one life partner to share almost everything with. It's actually a beautiful thing to have that one person in the world to have sex with, come home to, have children with. You have one designated person to have sex with whenever and however you want. Having sex with multiple people is something you do before you make that convenant or what you do before you become mature enough to realize the true meaning of sex. And plus marriage is a very sacred and spiritual thing and it truly throws a dark shadow on it to welcome strangers or friends into the deepest most private parts of marriage. And if you do believe in God then it's just easier to say that adultery is a sin and that's just a complete no no according to the commandments.

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't though I grew up in a polygamous family whereby one of my uncle he has two wives. Polygamous marriage isn't something I find it bizarre but me as a semi-conservative person I don't want to share my husband with other women. It's just so unacceptable. My uncle maybe fair to each of his wives, he gave them houses, cars, everything but then love isn't something you can share (for me) in the context of marriage. There's also a bit of jealousy here and there, even the thought of you husband spending the night with other wife is also just so heart clenching.

[Scrambled]

I am with you on this one. I would love to be in a marriage (or long term commitment) with somebody who I can trust, be intimate with, love and do the whole close couple thing. But also have the open rule where we can sleep with other people and explore our fantasies. So its like a mix of the security as well as the adventure. My girl says I can have high class sex workers on the side but she is just doing it to keep me and I don't like it, I would prefer meeting a girl (like you) who sees it the same way.

[DancingWithDragons]

Why thank you *tips bolo cap* but you'd have to be cool with the fact I have sex with men, women, and abinary classes of sex and gender.

[Scrambled]

Ha ha, I would have absolutely no problems with what;) Hope you include me in some of these things and dont mind me having sex with other women. We would have to set rules and boundaries though so we know what we get into. To everyone who actually thumbs down this, one must remember that Will Smith has this type of set up, as well as many other famous actors.

[DancingWithDragons]

I just became an even bigger fan of will smith

[Scrambled]

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow also had this but one of them broke a set rule. Its like threesomes. A universal rule with threesomes if you with a loving partner, is to show far more affection to your loving partner or if its a FFM, the two females have more of a go with each other than the loving MF couple.

[Error_204]

This is not polygamy it's just "Open Marriage", and I would, because then that's one less issue to deal with.

[DancingWithDragons]

Well then open marriage is the best marriage

[Error_204]

It isn't. Statistically they dissolve faster. I bet you can't guess why.

[Metlahead]

Actually, statistically they not only last longer but they are happier and healthier. But We all know Error_204 you are full of it most of the time lol.

[Error_204]

You're probably referring to the study in 1996? The one that only took into account the main demographic of white middle-class swingers and the polyamrous due to the nearly impossible task of finding and actually quantifying the values of marriages that are considered "open" (with a whole of 15% or lower being the entire demographic)?

Yeah, so do these people (https://moderndirections.com/49.htm), but guess what!

It turns out (www.slate.com/.../...age_do_those_ever_work_.html) that because of how hard it is to quantify it's (surprise) never been done! The only evidence we have of open-marriages and their failure rates comes from testimonies relating to marital counselors who (again, surprise!) say it really doesn't work for most married couples (which, when we look at the 1996 study is kinda obvious with only 15% of established, middle-class, white marriages being accounted for in the whole thing) because... wait for it...

Jealousy! \o/ (www.psychologytoday.com/.../the-slippery-slope-open-marriage)

Anything else you'd like to add while you drink 64oz of water and avoid vaccines else you catch the Autism?

[Error_204]

Ignant fux... The lot of ya.

[DancingWithDragons]

^this guy xD always hot when someone calls someone out on bullshit @metlahead

[Error_204]

Knowledge is power? :p

[Metlahead]

You have neither assessed the information properly nor looked at the right information to begin with, but I am not surprised. You can do your own research, though I doubt you will go further than looking to affirm what you already know. The reality of this, however, is that it is not the type of relationship that dictates its success, it is the quality of the people involved. And it turns out, that in fact, people in polyamorous relationships tend to develop that quality in higher abundance than what monogamy typically allows. This is due to the extra amount of communication, honesty, self-reflection, and simply the amount of different relationships one can have. You learn better, faster, stronger. That is what is integral to a healthy relationship. And as it turns out, polyamoury simply creates the environment for that to happen. Do shitty people take advantage of other people? Yes. That doesn't speak for polyamoury, since its the same for monogamy too. Get your facts straight.

[Metlahead]

Also, using testimonies of couples that are in therapy is a terrible way to understanding polyamoury. I am 100% sure that for every polyamorous couple those therapists see, they see 10x more monogamous couples... who are just as jealous, are liars and cheaters just the same. You are neglecting the real issues and relying on poor information. That is your Error. Pun intended XD I am done though, good day sir.

[Error_204]

"Also, using testimonies of couples that are in therapy is a terrible way to understanding polyamoury", it's the only objective information from a third party that could even be had. Using anecdotes from forums would be equivalent to trusting you on the matter despite the fact that (like most people) instead of producing any sort of viable traceable sources you sort of just... talk.

[Scrambled]

Just adding, to the "proof" side of things. There is a book called Mating in Captivity by Esther Purell. She scientifically proves that marriage needs "something" to make it work. And many marriages have open relationships that work. She advocates swinging where the 2 married couples swap as there isn't usually jealousy in that swing set up. You have my wife, and I get yours for the night. Then my girl... she has given me consent to sleep with high class escorts because I am not happy with our sex life and she doesn't want to lose me. I am not happy with it though but she is stoked because she thinks she has solved our problems. I would rather us be a swinging couple because I want her to be more sexual too, not just me.

[Error_204]

"There is a book called Mating in Captivity by Esther Purell.", quotes, not claims.

[Metlahead]

www.livescience.com/...lyamory-myths-debunked.html
www.livescience.com/...ory-good-relationships.html
www.academia.edu/.../Not_Monogamous_Not_a_Problem_A_Quantitative_Analysis_of_the_Prevalence_of_Polyamory
www.drkarenruskin.com/.../

[Error_204]

The first source: None of the "myths" are being discussed. No one said it was a matter of primaries, bad for children, exhausting, they were unsatisfied or commitment-phobic.

Second Source: "That means little is yet known about who participates in consensual nonmonogamy and why. Research is largely limited to self-report and surveys, in which people can be tempted to present themselves in a positive light." , "While there are no national statistics on consensual nonmonogamy, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley has estimated that about 5 percent of Americans are in one of these types of relationships at any given time.", but I already said that and knew that.

3rd source: It's also, just like the second, non-sequitur. I'm not sure what you're trying to prove since 1+2 counter 3 which isn't even completed since there's no conclusion and the study in 2011 and apparently not ever updated with only 50 people in it as stated in it's limitations.

[Error_204]

The fourth: It's not that the person isn't a proper authority it's a guide on how to make it work NOT whether it works or not in real-time. Non-sequitur.

Not sure what you wanted to prove other than it isn't really studied which 3 of the 4 sources pretty much outright state due to the lack of references to cite because it's not studied. -shrug-

[Metlahead]

Again you are looking at the wrong information, K I am bored, goodnight.

[Error_204]

Stupid is stupid. It can't be helped.

[Metlahead]

Yeah, stupid is predictable. You did exactly what I said you would: re-affirm what you already "know." I'm too lazy to hand feed it to you, when you are probably too narcissistic and arrogant to come grip with reality anyway, probably the same reason "no comment" is the state of your relationships, I'm sure you've heard it before, so be a grumpy jaded man you obviously love yourself! Tomorrow is another day with new questions, lets just agree to disagree. I know you need the last word so go on... Bite! Hehe

[Error_204]

Holy fuck I thought you were gone.

[musicbrain5]

It's not for me. Why bother getting married if you're just going to sleep with other people or be in a polyamorous relationship? I don't see the point.

[musicbrain5]

I don't really care what people do though. Everybody has a different definition of what a relationship is and that's fine.

I wish the down voter would tell me why they disagree.

[latina28]

Might as well not get married if that's the case. You save yourself the money for the wedding, the hassle, and stress of the preparation. I am not interested in getting involved in something like this. Marriage is for two and both should stay committed and faithful; that's my opinion.

[Metlahead]

This is the only kind of relationship that is real to me. I don't want marriage at all, but polyamoury is the only way to go. So essentially, yes, not only would I, I wouldn't have it any other way! Bravo to you too!

[Metlahead]

Hehe, oh, it's you!

[DancingWithDragons]

Lol yea. I don't want to ever actually get married cuz it's really just a contract you make with someone so you can get half their stuff if you get decide for whatever reason you don't want to be with them, but I am all for having a badass celebration with friends, cake, good food, good tunes, beer, and obnoxious optional costuming shit in lieu of an anniversary dinner date and a culture dictating gift giving ceremony. I think that'd be the way to do it

[Metlahead]

I wholeheartedly agree.
I asked this question a long time ago and got similar answers, I think 99% of them just don't understand it and are "stuck" in social conventions and expectations. I have dated several girls who were "monogamous" and I opened them to the world of polyamoury. While only about 50% of them remained poly, ALL of them thought the experience was amazing and taught them a lot.

The real question, and the irony of it all, is that most of these people are probably cheaters and bad partners haha. Oh well, c'est la vie.

[DancingWithDragons]

YES!! Ooh the irony. All the poly partners I've had know what they're doing and are genuinely more relaxed and capable of being chill cuz they're not tied up in the blue ball paradox. And they're the BEST lovers! All the mono just suck cuz they're convinced they can only be with one person at a time so they have less practice and have had less partners and less experience and they try to convince you into doing stuff you don't want to do because they feel they have to have sex with you and only you and they want sex you don't want and then there's more fighting and stupid pointless drama when there could be this simple conversation, "hey Hun I'm going out with Paulie tonight." "You sleeping together?" "Yup" "that's cool, she seems like she'd be good in bed. You should ask if she'd be into a three way some time." "I shall ask" "okay have fun, don't forget to pick up some orange juice on your way back" "Kay"
SIMPLE!!! Everyone's just guilted in to being monogamous for no logical reason

[DancingWithDragons]

So when you say poly, do you mean you're in to multiple relationships at once, or one base relationship and multiple sex partners? Or like a triangonship where all three (or potentially more) are dating each other exclusively/ basely with multiple outside sex partners?

[Metlahead]

I definitely like having a partner in crime with lovers on the side the most. Some shared, some not, or none shared is ok too. But yeah, one partner in crime is my ideal.

[DancingWithDragons]

Ha, that sounds like something is say

[DancingWithDragons]

I'd*
Fucking autoincorrect

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Not trying to be combative, why even get married? Why not casually date? What does marriage afford you?

[DancingWithDragons]

Celebrating your commitment to one another. Why does everyone think you can only love someone if they're the only one you're sleeping with:P

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Right, but a traditional marriage vow implies you forsake all others. Why is the ceremony important if you are eschewing the basic tenets?

[DancingWithDragons]

Actually traditional marriage had nothing to do with loyalty and was based on a man collecting wives and owning them as property

[DancingWithDragons]

And who said anything about a ceremony. If I got married of do it at the courthouse and then I'd throw a party with my partner

[DancingWithDragons]

Yknow like in celebration of our love and not in archaic payment process of trading livestock for the hand of a daughter in marriage like traditional marriage :P

[Dakota_The_Rota]

"Actually traditional marriage had nothing to do with loyalty and was based on a man collecting wives and owning them as property" Ohhhh, I see you are one THOSE women. Okay.

[DancingWithDragons]

The kind that reads?

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, not ever. I'm far too jealous and if I am going to marry someone, I should be the only one they are being sexual with, otherwise, it's cheating and I'm obviously not okay with that. In my opinion, if someone wants to sleep with numerous other people, they shouldn't get married in the first place.

[Metlahead]

It isn't cheating if it is consensual. And jealousy is an issue regardless of how many partners you have lololol

[xHoneyxBeex]

@metalhead I said it is still cheating because I would never consensually "allow" a boyfriend or husband to be sexual with other women. And no, jealousy in and of itself is actually not an issue and it wouldn't be an issue for me as long as the guy is being faithful. Which obviously would not be the case in an open relationship as the Asker here suggested.

[DancingWithDragons]

All my partners and boyfriends/girlfriends ARE faithful. "Faithful" doesn't necessarily mean "monogamous" it means someone you can TRUST. And "allow" ? Are you fucking kidding me? Would he have to ask you for permission to go to the strip club with his buddies too? Would he have a curfew?

[xHoneyxBeex]

@Asker If you actually read the dialogue here, I used the term "allow" and put it in quotation marks because MethalHead used the term "consensual" in his comment to me. And to yes, to me, faithful does mean monogamous. If I trust someone, they shouldn't be out fucking other people. Look, you asked for opinions here, so no need to get pissy and hostile just because I don't agree with you.

[Anonymous]

There are kingdoms in the middle east, where the king still has multiple wives. I personally don't want to get married buttttt if I did, I probably would try a polygamous marriage. Truly don't think humans were meant to be married to just one person. That's a societal thing forced on us

[Metlahead]

Humans weren't *meant* to be married at all, lol. Humans were around a lot longer than marriage. And polygamy is different from polyamoury, I approve of the later, not of the former. But yeah, I agree with you in principle.

[DancingWithDragons]

I agree. I think marriage as a whole is pretty much complete bullshit, which is why I essentially said the only chance in me ever getting married is if it were polyamorous

[FlyingTurtle]

Never ever ever. I plan on giving myself fully and only to my husband, and I expect him to do the same for me. Knowing he was sleeping with other girls would break me. And the idea of letting another man besides him touch me sexually makes me sick.
I disagree with you full-heartedly on the idea sex and love are two completely different things. They go hand in hand.

[nert73]

Oh... one person in my bed. And a cat or two or more. But one man. That's all. One husband is plenty. I couldn't marry more than one man. It would be dreadful for everyone.

[JackKerouac77]

I don't think I could do it, no. I'd just rather not get married if that's the case.

[misupanda]

Absolutely not. Sex for me is much more than just "something to do". I can't imagine having sex with anyone that I don't love. I absolutely could not do it and would not want to anyway.

[DancingWithDragons]

I didn't say it's just "something to do" all I said is it's mechanical and separate from love and romance. I don't think it's like "there's nothing on tv, I'm gonna go blink my neighbor" :P

[misupanda]

No, no, I didn't mean you personally! Sorry if that came off that way. xD I mean, it's not really a physical response for me. I literally can't get turned on by something physical. So it's not like "oh, I feel horny, I need a release". There has to be some sort of emotional connection (love) that provokes it. Obviously I've been turned on/aroused before, but it's usually due to an extreme emotional reaction (love). Plus, I'm weird in the sense that I don't think it's boring to have one sex partner. I actually find the thought of being with only one person and only sleeping with one person to be romantic and arousing in itself. Maybe that's a bit weird.. xD

[DancingWithDragons]

OH!! Lol okey dokey then. I can respect a greysexual :) sorry for mistaking your message

[ChaosKilledTheDinos]

I don't think you mean polygamous marriage but actually an open marriage / relationship? The two are different. I definitely would not ever want to be in a polygamous marriage and I'm 99% sure I'd never want to be in an open relationship.

[Sigma88]

I'll never understand the concept of being in a relationship, saying you love someone, while sleeping with other people. It really doesn't make sense to me. If I wanted to sleep with whomever I wanted, I'd have just stayed single. I wonder if this is a similar thought process cheaters have. But no matter; to each their own, just not for me.

[DancingWithDragons]

I'm not a cheater. I don't have a "cheater" mentality. I have a logical mentality that's able to distinguish the difference between bullshit social mores and realistic approaches to life based on our genetic makeup and biology

[Sigma88]

Sounds more like excuses to me, to do what you want, with whomever you want, while claiming the benefits of a relationship... like a cheater. Spin it however you like, but I know bullshit when I hear. Do you, but don't get butthurt when the majority of people don't agree with you. & FYI, monogamy is natural as well, as it's been shown in nature. The biology angle doesn't work. Play on, playa.

[Scrambled]

Lets say nature shows monogamy. Nature also shows homosexual examples as well as animals screwing everything (my dog humps the couch even). So the point is @Sigma88 that its not excuses or anything, its a valid, logical life choice and its not an excuse for cheating. Its just another style of living. Its only cheating if the partner doesn't agree to it, which wouldn't happen in open relationships. So its different from cheater mentality. Its more like promiscuous mentality. But I am team promiscuity! I think staying with one partner is like not travelling.

[Sigma88]

@Scrambled As I said, to each their own. I simply expressed what it looked like & that it wasn't for me.

[Scrambled]

Asker and myself can both agree you did mention more then "to each their own". But not a problem, you are correct, to each their own and you showed your point of view. Im sure you will an awesome girl.

[Sigma88]

She is pretty amazing, actually. Godspeed.

[FistSlaminElite]

I would never ever EVER consider something like that. Like I would leave instantly if that was suggested

[BassistForever]

NO FUCKING WAY.

Sex and love might be two different things but if you're sleeping with other people, you don't love me.

[kangy]

Whats the point of marriage then
Might as well engage in casual sex which is low cost and objective met

[DancingWithDragons]

You are so entirely vapid. Casual sex isn't the same at all to an open relationship

[kangy]

I am not vapid
I don't want std

[Artistic_Soul]

I prefer to have only one man :)
If he ever tried to have others I'd kick his balls into his eye sockets xD

[MysteriousFlower]

Being married means commitment to one another, its not a gateway to have affairs! :)

[DancingWithDragons]

It's only an affair if your monogamous

[MysteriousFlower]

Ok.. then its not a gateway to have sex with other people! ;)

[Kris85]

Hellllll naaaa. If I EVER got married again there would be no sharing of any kind. Period.

[LaDouleurExquise]

yup yup thats how it is with me and angel. she gets the lesbian girls i get the straight girls and we split the bi girls. thats why dating bi girls is the best, instead of cheating you just bring her home and share her with your wife :)

[chadsten]

Skip the hassle of marriage and just have an open relationship.