Fiancé spoke to another woman sexually?

Please help I have been with my finace for 3 years and 3 months engaged for a year and a half. Last July he lost his job and was feeling really down about it and one particular night he said I wasn't supportive. Anyway he had been playing an app on his phone which is a game that people all over world play it and had been playing for a year. With the game comes and chat room and he had been speaking to people including a girl in Washington, we are in uk. I knew he had been speaking to her as it was on ipad and only ever about the game. His profile pic was of us so obv he was in a relationship. However this particular night when he lost his job he spoke with this woman in Washington sexually and in appropriately saying that it was a waste that she was a lesbian cause he could make her legs wobble when a girl couldn't do that. He also said I'm glad ur far away from me as u could get me In trouble :( he's never cheated before but I now feel that this is cheating? I co fronted him and asked him to leave and he moved out for 3 weeks. He deleted the game and says it was only banter that got out of hand and he can't justify why he did it. Does this sound like actions of a cheat? And is this cheating or unforgivable? Thanks


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's emotionally cheating, he gave another women, time, attention and affection he should only be giving you. And talking sexually with another woman is wrong on many counts, what if she was in town what would he of done?

    Now that I've said this, my man did the same. We had a little tiff, I didn't think it was a big deal at all, but apparently he did. He joined a webcam sight. He started talking to a cam whore. He says they never said anything sexual he just wanted to talk to someone who wasn't his family, his coworkers or me since he was angry at me.
    I was livid, I could barely speak, he was on his knees begging me to forgive him. Saying he'd never do it again. He even cried. He knew he had embarressed himself, that he had risked our life together for a few hours of useless chat with some girl in another country.
    It took me a few days to decide, and it took me months to fully forgive. No he didn't physically cheat, but that doesn't make it ok. Going to the very limit before cheating and coming back doesn't make you a good person. You put yourself in a position to cheat.
    I honestly can't really narrow down why I didn't leave him. I've left men before, no biggie. I can't imagine my life without him. He knows now what he will loose if he does it again, he also knows now that I am the most important thing in his life to him. And he knows he can't live without me, he won't take that risk again. He is truly sorry.

    I can't tell you what to do or what is right. You need to talk with him and decide for yourself what is best for you and what you want


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What Guys Said 2

  • It up to you if it was forgivable. The reason for you not supporting him for that night was lame. I would deem this worrisome. Its up to you if his actions to correct the problem is adequate enough to make you forget his indiscretions.

  • " I now feel that this is cheating?"
    Except it isn't.

    It's showing you his weakness. That he might succumb to temptation if there was a suitable target nearby, closer than Washington anyway.

    But he hasn't cheated on you. Don't let your desire for drama or to have a fight with him, lead you to accuse him of things he didn't do. If you're going to treat him like he cheated, when he didn't, then he will have zero incentive to avoid actual cheating in the future.


What Girls Said 1

  • To me that is cheating, but only you can decide if you want to forgive him or not. You know him personally, you've been intimate with him, you have feelings for him... no one that you speak to does, so no one can tell you to forgive or not to forgive him. I forgave a cheater that did way more than what he did, but that is at risk of my own peace of mind. I can also tell you that if you do forgive him, forgetting will not happen, so don't be little him and relive the dame events each time something goes wrong.