Scared to get married?

I am hitting my mid 20s and religious. I thought by now I would be married. Many girls my age are.

But I am so scared. The older I get the more scared I get. My last relationships were both men who were jerks and didn't respect me. After the first I still had hope but after the second I really lost faith in love because he betrayed my trust and I don't want to make myself vulnerable again.

Also my last bf was divorced and an ass. Made me think what if my husband is like him and is a jerk and divorced me like he did to his wife. I see so many people get divorced. And so many unhappy people in marriages.

I am terrified of being with the wrong person. Being miserable in a relationship. My parents are married and don't seem very happy and the idea of being like my mom makes me shudder I would rather be alone.

I just broke up w my bf a month ago. Before him I used to always want to be with someone and I lowered my standards. Now I feel for first time in my life that I enjoy being by myself and making myself happy. For the first time I don't feel like a relationship or a husband is the road to happiness because being with a miserable partner is horrid and much more misery inflicting than being alone.

I don't even want a boyfriend now. I just want to be alone. The idea of commitment makes my heart race and not in a good way.

Am I just grieving my relationship or does this mean I should be alone? I don't truly want to be alone but I am terrified.

Updates:
I started counseling. Also this is the first time in my life i feel I can be happy just as myself and single. I feel more at ease and happy with myself than I did in relationships. But this is also the first time I don't feel a desire to be with a man beyond sexual desire. My libido has been low too.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you do get involved and its your choice whether or not you want to date - date somebody you like - not somebody you settled for. If you can't find a man who is good enough (many of them are taken) - then stay single. I want a guy who obeys God's commandments perfectly - does not have sex before marriage, does not lie to get sex, does not get jealous of people, is classy and modest etc... I am single. Have a good career. When you have a good career - guys chase you like butterflies.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to. If someone can never be happy by themselves they will never be happy period. Another person can never make you truly happy. Just do what YOU want, not what all the miserable people around you want you to do. Ever heard the quote "misery loves company"?

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  • You have to climb the apple tree to get the best kind of apples. anywhooo...
    http://memecreator.eu/media/created/y7o0if.jpg

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  • Maybe date a guy for a limited amount of time, like four months.. If you can't see it working move on until you find the right guy. You just haven't found him yet, he is looking for you too.

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  • The secret to getting married to to learn to not be selfish. Be a giver...

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    • Read atlas shrugged.

    • Show All
    • Well there are always monsters in the world that will take advantage when it's presented to them, but if you shut down, go cold, and become guarded then the one's that are ready to love you will back off...

      You have to always be ready to love and to give... Just don't be afraid to rip someone's head off either. :p Feel it out, that's all I'm saying and do right that do right by you.

    • do right to people that do right by you...

What Girls Said 5

  • If you've never been alone and always in a relationship then maybe being alone for a while is a really good idea for you. You have to know who you are outside of a relationship to know how you want to be in one and who you want to be in one with. If you take some time to know yourself hopefully you will become a better 'picker' and recognize early on those undesirable traits and you won't stay in a bad relationship because you are scared of being alone. That's what jerks like that feed on.

    In my early midtwenties I went through a string of bad relationships and realized the pattern was me so decided to take time off to focus on who I am, what I'm bringing to the relationship and what I should expect in return.

    That said now I am much more abele to spot trouble behavior in in guys and get out. So more short relationships but the ones that last are with better partners. I also hold myself accountable for my own behavior and make sure I'm treating my partners (even the jerks) with the level of respect and thoughtfulness I'm expecting back. Just don't take too much time off because the dating pool does get smaller and you become out of practice.

    I think once you are ready for that level of commitment and meet the right partner it becomes less scary because you know early on that the person is special in the right way for you. Give the relationship a couple years to make sure and by that time it will simply be a matter of making what you already knew for a long time official. I hope this helps. Best

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  • Don't worry about it. Don't let yourself feel pressured into thinking you have to get married in your twenties - you don't!! And settling for some jerk just because you're "at that age" is a terrible idea and you'll just be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.

    Just enjoy your life and have fun in your twenties. Don't even think about marriage until and unless you meet a guy who you honestly WANT to spend your life with.

    Marriage isn't a must, and even if it is something you truly want for yourself, you've got lots of time to find the RIGHT partner. Don't settle, and don't let anyone make you feel like some kind of failure for not being married. That's bullshit.

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  • Try talking to a counsellor maybe - what is holding you back, why are you scared etc?

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  • Nothing wrong with being a female George Clooney. One day you'll find your male Amal.

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  • I wish I could message you on this. When you say religious, do you mean Christian? If you do, remember God has a plan for you. It isn't in your hands, it is in His. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. Don't worry about it. Just focus on other things that make you happy and have some faith.

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