Guys.. how would you feel if your wife / fiance did not want to take your name?

Be honest. no judgement...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm getting married this month and I am legally keeping my name. I never thought I'd be a woman that did so, but after talking it out, it made more sense to do so and we are both on board with it. This is why:
    1) All of my professional documents and reputation (large part of my career) are built around my maiden name, thus it is a big hassle to re-establish it all with another name.
    2) I only have sisters so my dad's name ends with us. We come from a locally well-known family (founders of the small town) so it would be a shame if the name died out. We have agreed I get to give a second son my last name to carry it on.
    3) His family is very well known on a much large scale, so it is convenient for us to be able to use my name to keep some anonymity when desired.

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    • what if you don't have sons

    • Well then a daughter that get's my name is going to have to make this same decision in 3-4 decades.

What Guys Said 101

  • To me, marriage isn't necessary to have a successful relationship... BUT, I'm not completely against the idea of being married either. But in order for me to marry, not only would me and the girl have to be highly compatible AND have a strong emotional connection, but she would have to believe what I believe about marriage, which is the full, traditional, literally-til-death-do-us-part concept, and that also includes taking my last name.

    Either she's ALL in, or I'm not in. Again, I'm happy to be in a long-term, committed relationship without marriage, but I have zero interest in a "partial marriage" where certain aspects are discarded. To me, that means you aren't serious about it in the first place.

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  • I'm a traditionalist in that way, so I'd want her to take my name. Actually, in a perfect world I'd want her to WANT to take my name. I have a cool surname anyway, so I hope it's never a problem.

    Also, I really want my kids to carry my last name, because I'm the torch-bearer of it. If I don't have kids or they didn't take my last name, then the DodgersGM line would end.

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    • Well obviously I can see the kids.. but her.. why?

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    • but what if my surname is way more noble and sexy than any man i've ever met?

    • @COCOCHANEL hold out for the sexiest man, of course! :-)

  • I would rather her not take my name. There is no reason for her to take it. She already has a name, and why go through the paperwork to get it changed. I would never make someone or be upset for someone to not change their name.

    Or maybe I'll take her name and she takes mine. Or we hyphenate both our names, not just her adding mine but me adding hers as well.

    People say a women is being difficult and argumentative for not wanting to take his name. All she does is say no, he is the one that's being difficult. There is no logical reason anyone can come up with, for her to take his name. It's all preference and you can't force preference. If a woman tells a man to take her name and he says no. Does anyone say the man is being difficult and argumentative? No, they would still give those to the woman. In 100 years these types of conversations will be complete nonsense and laughed at.

    Not that I'm saying your question is nonsense. It's a good question. Everyone should read all these answer and wonder why they hold onto so many emotions of such a ridiculous concept. I hope you find some good answers. I would love to hear your view if you're open to sharing.

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  • I would have a very serious issue with it. it is tradition and the way things have been. While I am very progressive in most areas, this is something I would have an issue with. IF the tradition was the man takes the woman name, then I would have done it.
    Now, if she really has a valid reason to not take my name maybe I can understand. And I can't stand when women use a hyphen. If you don't love him enough to take his name, just use yours.
    HOWEVER... if she had changed her name for any other reason, but then decided she would not take mine, It would probably be a deal breaker. For instance, when I got married my (ex) wife had already changed her name from her fathers last name to her step dad's last name. So she cannot give me the bullshit argument that "it is my name... yada..." so if she changed it for a man she is not blood related to, then she can change it to mine.
    Now that I am divorced (not something I wanted) and I am dating again...
    If I meet someone and eventually want to get married, then it will depend on if she changed her name previously. If she was married before and never changed her name, even the first time, then I think I will be ok with her keeping her last name.
    But if she changed it when she was married the first time, then changed it back to her maiden name, I will have a serious issue and will have to decide if she is someone I want to marry or not. If she did it before she is not doing it on any kind of principle that she can't give up her family name.

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  • It would make me a little sad because my family is Hell bent on global domination and the only way we can do that is through marrying. There's a lot of guys in my family so we have the resources to do so.
    In all honesty though, I can understand why women keep it more often now. It makes the divorce process easier. If she has a good reason for keeping it (or at leastjoing our names), I'd let her.

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  • Probably rethink the relationship.

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    • Not that her not taking my last name is a big deal but / it just raises ball busting red flags.

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    • But if you stay unmarried she won't have your name either, so what about that?

    • I would probably look for someone else.

  • While I think sharing a name does promote unity and I hope she'd want to take my last name, ultimately it's her decision and I don't care enough about that to get into a heated debate over it with her.

    What I will say is that, if she wants to keep her name, I prefer she do it and not hyphenate my name unto hers. I hate it when people start over hyphenating, so if she wants to keep her name, keep it. I'll keep mine and we can flip a coin on the kids last name because I'm not hyphenating their last name lol. (My friend has 4 hyphenated last names and is always pissed about it). So our kids could take her or my last name.

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  • I don't know, I would want her to take it I think. I wouldn';t be so bummed out or something or take it as a sleight at me. It would suck to have to sign more than 2 names though lol. I would probably sign my hyphenated last name and triple underline my, last name lol

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  • That she did not love me enough to set aside her proud feelings and submit to tradition. She is literally saying her own proud ideals trump what means I am to care for her, love her, and be there for her, in such an intimate was, as she takes my name for the rest of her life.

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    • And by you expexting these thing you are none of these.. oh ok

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    • You are calling me a feminist like it's supposed to insult me.. it's like calling someone you anti racism! or anti slavery! lol... it's more of a compliment.. so thank you. you uneducated dick..

    • Feminists used to call attention to the justified inequality between men and women.

      The only thing feminism has done that is any good, is call attention to how men often treat women as second class citizens in their own homes, when I believe a mate should be our everything, and put first in everything, loved, adored, and selflessly cared for as our best friend and lover. In fact, you feminists seem to screech about every injustice BUT that one any more.

      So please, before calling ME uneducated, take an honest look at what feminism is REALLY about these days.

  • My grandfather once told me before he passed away that he wants me to continue the family name, so for that reason it would be an issue for me. That coupled with the fact I think its just a bit petty when woman keep there own names.

    However its no deal breaker, I would just not like it.

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  • In my situation, it would be HIGHLY dishonorable for a wife, not taking her husbands name. And i agree with this. My wife will have my namr, otherwise i will not even think of proposing to her.

    In our culture, when man and woman become married. Their families become 1 aswell. When we kurds want to know from which familie she is from, we call it by the name of the OLDEST man's HOUSE, for instance: she is from *mala haci Agit* house of Haci Agit. This person does not have to be the husband. But the oldest in the house.

    Or we will ask for the parents of both partners. So when i marry. My wife has to take my name. It is cultural and i can't help but agree.

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  • If she absolutely refused, I'm not sure. I would only accept it if she was a celebrity and her name was part of her career. I want us to have the same last name. And, do you want a guy that took your last name? If you say yes, I would have a hard time believing you.

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  • I'd prefer if she had my last name. But I'm willing to compromise based on her reasoning.
    Why I feel like that?
    I just like tradition, in a lot of ways I'm old fashion (gentleman, proposal, paying for dates etc..)

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    • Ah I see .. But with the word compromise you sound like you are doing her a favor

    • I am doing her a favor by changing my views... what else would you call it?

      I don't get how girls want the "traditional" guy and yet want to change the traditional rules when it suits them. This isn't supposed to be a sexist remark just an observation that I notice.

  • It would be very confusing, because my last name sounds great with female first names and isn't goofy in any way.

    This would only be an issue if we ever had kids. The kids are having my last name.

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    • Yes the kids obviously but hers I don't understand

  • I'd go Jack White on their ass and take THEIR last name.

    Somebody's gotta steal a name!

    isfunny.net/.../Funny-Jack-White-memes.jpg

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  • Can we pick a new one together then?
    Cause I'm not a fan of my family name anyway lol

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    • Lol like Mr and Mrs awesome

      #howimetyourmotherrefrence

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    • ooh!! I like this even better. I've always thought why nit make a portmanteau out of mine and my future husbands name! :D

    • @DodgersGM
      Yeah!
      Why stay in the past , it’s a new life. Time to carve out a new road.
      Thousands of year before someone decided to call his family by that name , well it's my turn!

      @thewanderingme
      Time to get the creativity juicrs flowing eh

  • I'd prefer she take my last name because of tradition and also so guys would know that she's married to me, but she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. Hell, I'd probably be too happy about actually finding a girl worth marrying to even care if she takes my last name haha

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  • If this was the only issue, honestly it wouldn't be an issue, especially if we weren't going to have any kids. My biggest thing is commitment, so long as she is committed to me, the taking or not taking of my last name is not a big deal for me.

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  • I don't care, actually I was planning on getting her last name too, since my last name is Spanish, and it's tough for Americans to pronounce, and if I have kids I want them to have an American last name.

    I know I may get shit from my family, but I don't care, it's what I want.

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    • What's your last name (if you don't mind)

    • Jimenez. I know it's not to difficult to pronounce, but if I have a kid, I don't want her to be named like "Ellie Jimenez" it just doesn't sound good.
      I like English names, and combining them with a Spanish last name, doesn't sound good.

  • It would depend on what the reason was I suppose. If the reason were not a good one then she would not have to concern herself with a name change that involved me , I would move on

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    • Fair enough... thanks :))

  • No problem with it at all really. On a Tangent we have a family bible which follows one side of our family back 800 years. And the name died last year with my grand father after they all had daughters so I can see the point of keeping the name. besides in this day and age each to their own

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    • Well if the girls keep their name and give it to the kids I don't see how the family name would die out... this is another reason why I don't understand the concept and if you look back at why this "tradition " starred it's quite appalling

  • Well, I'm not gonna lie. I think I'd be a little hurt. I mean, I'd have to know why she didn't want to take it in order to give you my completely honest opinion, but I mean, it just kind of feels like she doesn't want be associated with me... married or not. Stupid, I know, but still the truth. That's what it feels like to me.

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  • The name taking part of marriage is a vestige of its roots in property exchange between the father and husband when women were viewed as lesser humans. It's part of why I don't believe in marriage.

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  • I would not mind at all. I love my last name because it is my mothers maiden name, my grandmas name and my great grandma's name. If she has a reason to keep it no matted how small I'd want her to keep it. All who I love very dearly as these were the women who gave me the life I live each day, and helped raise me.

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    • This is amazing.. I'm sure they would be very proud of you :))..

  • I am fine with that, its not uncommon for women who get published in school actually. But the kids will have my name, no hyphen or anything. I am the last male of my family name.

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  • hahhah i'd not give a SHIT about it. so what? we're not in middle-ages

    in fact i'd insist she MUST keep her name... otherwise i'd feel like an old-fashioned relic

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  • For me, I've always envisioned my wife having the same name as mine. I don't want to be one of those couple called Mr. (My name) and Mrs. (Her name). It should be the same. Plus, the kids will have my name so it'll be a complete family if we all share it. Plus, inwards, it also makes me feel as if our relationship would be closer, at least for me. Besides, there's bound to be some visa issues if we don't have the same name. That's the case for us Asians.

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  • I honestly wouldn't care. It's her choice. She's the one that would have to go through the hassle of changing her name EVERYWHERE!! I'd understand. Besides she's is my property once I marry her. She can keep her last name or take mine. But not both! I hate hyphenated names! I curse those!! :p

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  • I would be pretty pissed off, i can't think of a good enough reason to not change it. To me it doesn't really seem like you're true close family (parents, spouse siblings) unless you have the same last name. I know I'm young for this question but thats my opinion :p

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  • Although a bit early in age to say... for my current ideology I'd be fine. I dont stick on old stereotypes and such. Men and women have the same rights. If your relationship is healthy and you are sure about her, that is. If you aren't sure about it... probably raises red flag.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 29

  • i think my sister and i are the last ones to have this name... mind. blown.
    oh well, still taking hubby's name. #sorrydad

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  • Actually I feel honored to be taking my fiancé's Sir-Name. Not taking or hyphenated Sir-Names probably came about as a way to carry on a family name when there was no son to do so. I have two brothers who can do that job if they choose.

    Taking his Sir-Name alone (for me) says that I am his (as he is mine) not in a property sense but relationally. It says that I love him enough to set aside my former life and begin a new life together with him. (I didn't say former self, I don't expect him to either.) Then again, I'm pretty traditional and old fashioned in some of my views. Marriage being one of the biggest.

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  • I don't think I'm changing my name. I've been writing it my entire life. Signing it. I wish guys could imagine having to change it and write something completely different for the rest of you life. Its like when the years change, writing 2014 instead of 2015 for the first couple of months, but imagine you've been writing 2014 your entire life.
    Plus, the girl only took the mans last name back in the day because she was now seen as the mans property. Fuck that noise. I will havethe name I was born with for the rest of my life.
    I think male children should get the mans last name and the girls should get the mothers last name. Why not? How about he take my last name?

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  • IF i get married i would happily take his name 🙊😳🙈☺️ i think i would probably feel like i'm officially a part of his life... maybe lol 😳🙊

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    • How will he go about feeling officially part of your life?

    • Hmm i haven't thought about it that yet lol i think if i take his name he also could feel that he is officially a part of my life.
      But if not i will change my bank account to joint account and add him as another account holder lol 😛

      I think me taking his last name would be enough for him to feel the same way. @mrf284212

    • I think him taking your name would help him feel officially part of your life, and you will feel the same for him if he would do that for you.

  • I got married and now I have my husband's last name. Our future children will have his name. I understand why some women want to keep their last names in some way, but I'm not particularly attached to my maiden name. It's a fairly common Russian name and I have 4 brothers who can keep it alive. It's no big loss to me.

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  • letting go of my last name would be really hard for me. it fits my first name so well... and my dad only had daughters, no sons. i think i would prefer to hyphenate with his last name... but I don't know, that also complicates things. honestly, it depends on his last name. if it went well with my first name.

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    • Do people actually drop their names completely? For example my mom just made her maiden name into sort of a middle name without the hyphen. It's not like you're losing your name.

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    • Just ignore him if you don't bother replying then he'll get bored. If you reply he gets his kick and whatever thrill I'm guessing he wants from your reactions.

    • @zorro8888 i agree. i just block and move on now :)

  • That would suck! 😢
    Aww schucks! *imagining about having his last name* heheh *i'm going to go hide now*

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  • I want to keep my last name. There's only a handful of people with it left in the world. I'd rather not let it die out.

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  • Well. IF I was going to marry I would ask him to take my name. If he said no bc he wants to keep his name, Id stay and we'd both keep our names. If he said no bc he thinks I'm supposed to take his name Id leave bc that's no less arbitrary thsn him taking mine. Except that it's been so many years since any of the women on my line have been remembered by their name I think it would be a nice gesture in their honor.

    Plus if I had a daughter it'd be nice if she grew up feeling just as Important a member of the family as her friends brothers. I can only imagine how negative an impact sons passing down family name must have on girls. If she plans to marry she literally has to wait till she's married to know who she is. Like as if she's not even a full person.

    I think if people take on their partners name it should be discussed and agreed upon who's it will be. Not just assumed it will be the guy. Families begin with the the mother giving birth. there's no reason it should be the dads name getting passed around. I suppose the eldest or youngest or whoever name is pulled out if a hat can carry the name regrardless of sex. that way names dont get lost and iits not sexist. Course if two eldest marry they will have to flip a coin :)

    If he wanted to keep my name, id stay and appreciate his flexibility respect love and lack of hysteria at the request, let alone agreeing to do it. :-)

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  • I would wonder why he married her.

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  • Just a little fact, not that anyone cares but,
    The idea of women taking their husband's names came from when men would go to war. By taking their name it assured some sense of belonging or loyalty, or a piece of them to hold onto.
    I guess it carried on.

    Personally, I don't think a guy should make a big deal if I don't want to take his name. Love isn't about ownership. But in the same way, I will still be committed to him. I'd want to keep my own/family name though. And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

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  • I've always thought about this, I wouldn't mind taking his name (as long as it wasn't something awful) but I've always remembered my dads face when he told me he was upset that he never had a boy child and that he is the end of the line for our family tree (he's the only boy in his family) So I've also had this side of me that's wanted to keep my name to keep our family tree going for him

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    • See... this is good.. and if keeping the family name alive is in your hands then defiantly

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    • Yeah I guess, lol.

  • It's tradition in my family to take the husband's last name always and for a lot of other families out there. I just hope when I marry I move up higher in the alphabet than my last name Williams XD Being the last one on attendance sheets really urked me a lot when I was younger XD Or I might wind up marrying my boyfriend one day, and maybe move up to M lol

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  • I don't see why that should be a big deal.

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    • Ya but just wanting several different opinions on the topic...

  • I told my fiance I want to keep my last name because of the history and sentimental value of it. Of course he tripped so I agreed I'd do the hyphen thing. You know, my last name - his last name. Or he can get mine but he said that's weird. I don't care.

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    • If you don't want to don't do it.. and he tripped thats immature..

  • i intend to keep my last name and add his to it. i just can't ditch my last name. it's the best last name ever.

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  • I'm not getting married, first off. But hypothetically speaking if I were to get married I'd keep my last name, as I'm the last one in my family with it. So. Yeah.

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  • I am a girl and my little brother just got married and she did not take his name. My brother, and me and my family were very bothered by it. She didn't hyphenate or anything. We all talked about it a lot. I don't know if this helps at all. It is just a bit difficult to feel like she wants to feel part of our family.

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  • I'm most likely going to keep my last name hyphen then my future husband's last name. I'm also keeping my middle name because I know some people's last name become their middle name when they do the hyphen thing.

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    • Cool thanks for toy answer :))

  • I accepted him as my husband, and I accepted his name. It's just how I believe it should be done.

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  • If I was a guy, I'd probably be a insulated.

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  • It shoudktn make a difference what she wants to do withHER last name

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  • I can understand why a woman would not want to change her last name.
    I'm the only one that has my last name in my family, the rest are girls that are married now, but I really do not like that side of my family. I might suggest to my husband that we combine our last names if possible.

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  • I think it depends on the situation.

    I've always been a firm believer of taking your partners surname. However, I realised it wouldn't be a simple decision for me to take my boyfriends surname. The reason being, I was raped by a friend who had broken up with someone who had the same first name as myself. If I take my boyfriends surname, I would have her surname as well as first name. They are now back together, so for me it would feel extremely wrong.
    When I told him he laughed it off and said it didn't matter. The truth is, I'd love to take his name, and hyphenating our names together would be very odd. So it's something I need to overcome myself.

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    • Hopefully the guy that did that to you in jail. For a long time. Sorry it happened to you.

    • No I never reported it... I couldn't be sure that it was him. I was drugged with rohypnol but it could have been someone else and he just took advantage. I just gave us a lot of space. He moved onto the same street as me and I moved in with my boyfriend. It happened before we got together but I refuse to let my boyfriend meet said person because he will hit him.
      I just see it as part of my enormous past that I want to forget. I'm in two minds if I'll be able to that if I take his surname though...

  • I'd rather keep it, me and my younger sister are the last ones to have this name, I don't to leave it , à
    It's also a pretty rare name

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  • I don't want to take my fiancés name. I like my name... It's mine! Why should I change my name? It feels very much like I'm leaving my family and joining his when I'm actually part of both. Doesn't make sense to me in this day and age. Id be very sad to have to lose my family name.

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  • i would feel hurt!

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  • Honestly don't like my bfs name but we haven't gotten that close yet but I'd be willing to take it I just wouldn't love it. I just really like my last name more:p I know that's selfish

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    • How is that selfish but not when he does it? Just wondering

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    • Ok respond tomorrow lol

    • It kinda is selfish. But males are considered more dominant since females are ultimately weaker. So it makes sense why you would take his name. But really if you don't take that into consideration it does seem a little selfish for the guy to keep his name 4ever while yours gets put away

  • Is it becuz of respect?

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