We're Engaged. My family is happy. His is not?

What would you do in this situation?

We were HS sweethearts who met in 9th grade. We dated all 4 years of HS. We dated all 4 years of college. We're graduating in May.

He completely surprised me with a proposal on Saturday and we are beyond excited to begin our lives. At least... we were.

We were home for that weekend visiting our families and he took me to the place we went on our first date and popped the question.

We told my parents when he dropped me off and my dad shook his hand, and my mom gave him a half hug. They weren't ecstatic like I was hoping, but compared to how his family reacted?

We went to his family for lunch the next day and announced our engagement and, are you ready for this?

His mom said, "Oh. Really? Why?"

His dad looked at him and said, "Are you sure you want to do this so soon?"

No hug. No congratulations. They didn't even try to fake it.

So... um... now it's kind of awkward. Seeing as it was a lukewarm celebration at best from my folks and a... nothing, from his.

When his sisters each got engaged his parents were over the moon and went out and celebrated. With us? Nope. Nada.

It's so awkward now. We've been together for 8 years and have been going to each other's family and holiday celebrations for the past 7. It's not like our future in-laws don't know us.

I'm confused. We both feel like as soon as we decided to "make it serious" our families shut down and rejected our relationship.

We're very confused about their reactions.

Anyone have any ideas on why they responded this way?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear Girl,
    I am sorry that you got this lukewarm reception from your future in laws, but you are not alone in this situation.

    When I told my folks I was getting married (40+ years ago), we got a similar muted response from my parents, even though we had been dating a mere 4 years. My fiancé was in nursing school, and I had already finished college and had a job. Yet they weren't too keen on our engagement.

    Over the years I learned that I, being an only child, leaving the roost for good was giving my folks a dose of what's called 'empty nest' syndrome. This is what may be happening to his parents. (And maybe they were just glad to get his sisters out of the house!)

    I am banking on this initial chill to thaw once they realize that this is what you both really want. Give it some time. Be happy that you are in love! I am happy for you! 😂

    Most important;
    If you are in truly in Love with this young man whom you've known for a better part of your life, then NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!! Marry him and the rest will take care of itself!
    Bless You Both!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Because it's a bad idea to get married before 25 and having been settled in your second or third job.

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    • You should stay in a relationship, but don't upgrade until you have traveled, lived life, and are settled in a stable job in a place your want to live.

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    • I was just sort of echoing my father's advice. In his opinion, you shouldn't get married until you are stable in a job in a place you want to live and have traveled the world. Usually that's late-twenties, but you seem to be ahead of the game, so I guess you can go right ahead and explain that to your parents.

    • But you know what, talk to your parents about it. See what they think and why.

  • Your age is listed as 18 to 24, from 18 to about 20 some people might think that's a little young. Also employment might be the issue, if neither of you are stable / have your own place they might be thinking about your financial situation.

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    • We're 23, and while I agree that we're still rather young, his sisters both got married when they were 21 and both dated their husbands for 2 years and have been married for 7 and 4 years.

      So his parents reactions are very strange to me.

    • FYI: I was 22 and my wife was 20 when we were wed. Still married after 40 years (to each other!)
      They have been dating since 9'th grade.
      I'd say it's a GO!

  • Probably because you and your guy are so young... he thinks u guys are rushing things!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Regardless of being together for such a long time, they may still feel like y'all are too young to be trying to settle down. It didn't seem like your family was too excited either with the hand shake and a half hug. You may need to ask your parents their views on the half-happiness. Their reasoning could be relatively close to his parents reasoning. Have you and your fiance ever had a lot of problems (arguments/breakups?) If so, this may be the reason. They may feel you're both still not fully mature to get married yet.

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    • No. We have always had a very mature, loving relationship.

    • Hmm, it may just be the age thing then. They may still feel you both are too young to get married and begin your lives. Are you both financially stable? If you're both happy, then don't worry about their reactions. They will come around by the time the wedding happens.

    • Nah! Empty Nest Syndrome.

  • I don't think they are opposed to the wedding but they are probably worried that their son is trying to start a family at such a young age. If he is only 22 - 24 they may think he is not completely ready to start a family and that starting things too early could be bad for him.

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    • I have a hunch they will forgo any additions for a while after the wedding. After dating for 9+ years I would say 'It's time for a wedding'

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