Anyone else scared of commitment/marriage?

Marriage freaks me out and I steer clear of it. My boyfriend and I have a child, own a place together and have been together over 4 years and I love him dearly. Most people think he is my husband or they call me by his last name and I have to correct them. Anyone else fine with just cohabitation/ long term without marriage?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I do not fear marriage or commitment. If you are a goarounder and living together before marriage, then of course marriage is not going to be anything special and most people will only look at the legal aspect. People who live together statistically previously to getting married are more unsatisfied with their marriage. "According to statistics gathered by US Attorney Legal Services, living together before getting married doesn't accomplish the goal that couples think that it will. A couple who does not live together prior to getting married has a 20 percent chance of being divorced within five years. If the couple has lived together beforehand, that number jumps to 49 percent."

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    • "If the couple chooses to live together as an alternative to being married at all, the likelihood that the relationship will break up within five years is 49 percent. At the 10-year mark, a married couple has a 33 percent chance of breaking up. For the unmarried couple who is living together, the likelihood of a breakup is a whopping 62 percent."

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    • A marriage does not define happiness. It doesn't mean your children will be happy, successful etc. I know plenty of married couples who need to divorce for the remaining sanity of their children. I get what you are saying but I don't let's stats get into my mind of what society places on marriage

    • One more point and I will stop bothering you. If you had the goal of marriage it would show that you value commitment. Just living together without getting married *in my opinion* displays your commitment level. easy way out

What Guys Said 7

  • very much so. vulnerability is a scary and trust is hard to give up to just anyone.. the both require strength time and lots of communication. and ps. marriage doesn't guarantee anything. u can live with someone and still be in love and has the same effect. the younger u get married the more years it gives a partner to be unfaithful. find a guy with a great family background. loves his mom a lot and has high morals. a guy who drinks too much or does drugs or has dated around a lot. red flags! they will all effect his decision making. good luck. jmo

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  • Used to, but not anymore. If I meet a girl who's honest, smart, funny, bhdbbbhjhbjjdhddjdjdhjdsb... all of that stuff that I'm attracted to (hard enough to achieve already), and can survive 3+ years in a relationship I'm all for it.

    As long as I am economically stable I see no personal reason not to do it.

    However, if I really wanted to and the other person doesn't then that's sign for trouble. As long as you are both on the same page and not give a fuck what others think, then stay as you are for the moment, nothing wrong with it if you are happy.

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    • Lol well he wants to get married and I don't. He is more traditional and I'm not

    • Exactly what I'm talking about. He is definitely going to feel bad about it and it will put pressure on you. A heck of a way to start fighting. If you would like to avoid that I'd suggest that you tell him you want that but just not feeling it at the moment, though I don't know how much true is that. Talk it over with him I guess and hint the possibility to make things smoother, I guess

  • I'll never understand why this scares people so much. Where in the world do people get the idea that two pieces of metal and a few legal pares are going to fundamentally change anything?

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    • Divorce is expensive and messy. Your partners debt also becomes your debt once you get married. It's easier just dating. If a relationship ends it just ends

    • Oh. that makes sense.

  • I am. After all, marriage is a financial deathtrap for any unsuspecting chump/sucker that wanders into it...

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  • You all should go ahead and get married

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  • If you been together that long in the eyes of the law you are already married under common law.

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    • There is no such thing as common law in Illinois. It was outlawed years ago and when we did have it it was only considered at the 7 year mark

  • Yes. Law is not fare to men. If u marry her later you need to pay with your life savings. If she divorce you then you will nearly bankrupt by paying her.
    You need to fuck in her single hole for the long life. After She reaches 40 year , you need look for another one to fuck by paying again. It is hell.

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    • Um you know once men hit 40 they go down as well right? We all will age. So being that you are an older man you wouldn't want a woman leaving you because of your age. I do agree that many states do give women more rights

    • Its depends on men but true we will go down in the mood after 40s but fade up with my life and it was spoiled by woman i married. Going through all of the pains, even i didn't get a single support for the family from her even though she is earning , only got 3 times sex per month throughout the 12 years of marriage life, not being loved as husband etc. i am not a drinker, not playboy and not a gambler. I remained same as when when we were in love.

      I searched for some one to destress my self from my work and life. There are a lot of girls out there to pour the love to you. Found a good one. I am getting every things from her but i told her not to marry just be a partner, so it won't spoil the relationship. Its going well. Life is not only for sex but the most part of it is compromising and there for each other always.

      My wife was well as her before the marriage and from my experience it has spoiled the lovely relationship and let her look for court for every single issues.

What Girls Said 5

  • Perfectly understandable for a woman with no kid.
    But you both live together, have a child, I mean that's major responsibility and your relationship probably already feels like a marriage.
    I fail to understand why you are so afraid of marriage when you already made a huge commitment by having his child.

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    • The baby was definitely unplanned but it was a good surprise. I never wanted kids or marriage. Obviously I have a child that I love dearly but never been into the whole marriage idea. We're good where we are at. I don't need to have a paper and ring. If we were to break up we can just go our own ways without a bitter divorce

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    • Mine is 5 almost 6. We have been together for 9 years.
      It's true when people would you have a kid together they expect u to be married. Some people are very traditional they don't believe in a couple having a kid first and then marriage after.
      You have to do what's right according to you

    • I meant when people would SEE you have a kid together

  • I am single and I am scared of the idea of it. I can't not be committed either but at the same time I'm scared of the thought of being bound to someone for the rest of my life... it's a big commitment.

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  • Marriage scares me a lot. I feel that if get married I will be stuck on my husband. And I hate this feeling.
    So, I would be fine with a long term relationship without marriage.

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  • I'm not as scared, but I was (no I am not married) but just took time for that one man I love to make my mind at peace about the thought of marriage.

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  • Well, as a child (technically a teen) I would find it unusual if my parents weren't married. Being real here and honest, if that child was born to unmarried parents it was born out of wedlock. A bastard, illegitimate, call it what you will. While this isn't very stigmatized anymore in our society (good or bad?) there are still some who may disagree with the idea of raising a child when the parents are unmarried. Plus, you are more likely to break up when you are dating than if you are married. Then what happens to the child? If you love him truly then marriage shouldn't be a big deal. A long term commitment not only proves your love but also guarantees your child's future happiness. Suppose you break up. Now the child has to deal with seeing its parents only some times instead of having them both together. Yes marriage doesn't guarantee you will stay together but it's more likely and more bonding. If you love this man truly then marriage should not be an issue. You had a child with him- you are already bonded to him. What is the problem with marriage?

    This is simple truth. None of what I said above was meant in a derogatory or offensive manner. May God bless you and have a wonderful day :)

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