Is it selfish to have the wedding day be MY day as opposed to OUR day?

I'm getting married in August - yay!

Is it selfish to want it to be MY day and not OURS or HIS?

My fiance's name is Kody. Our entire relationship has been the Kody show - guest starring me. Which is perfectly fine. I'm fine with being in the background most of the time. I am his support system. Everyone notices his acomplishments and celebrates them with enthusiasm. My acomplishments (Graduating HS/College/getting my bachelors degree and masters degree, first real job...etc.) have all gone rather unnoticed. His achievements of the same successes have been spot lighted by his family and friends.

This is fine. I don't need the attention.

I know that after our wedding it's going to be the Kody show again. I'll go back to sort of being in the background. There, but not anywhere near the center of attention. If we have kids, I know his family and friends are going to congratulate him on his good job having a kid and I know the most I'll get is a passing, "Good work." Which is fine.

BUT....I have to admit...I want my wedding day to be the Alyssa show. I want that day to be all about me. Even typing this I think it sounds selfish.

Is it selfish? Like, I want to plan it all, get 95% of the attention (5% can go to him since, you know, he'll be there) and I want all the focus to be on me. Just for that day.

I know weddings are supposed to be about the couple and I also know that my wedding will end up with the focus on both of us...but I want MOST of the focus to be on me.

Selfish?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was gonna say it is selfish after reading your title, but now that I've read everything, I am gonna take that back. It's understandable that you'd like to have your wedding day as yours solely considering everything else seems to revolve around Kody.

    Can I ask, though, if you've ever spoken to Kody about how you feel regarding all of this? Not so much the fact that you want the wedding to be all about you, but more about how you sometimes feel like everything you do feels insignificant?

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What Guys Said 9

  • You just sound like you're fighting for the attention of others and that he somehow wins these "battles" that are going on in the background. On top of that, I think it's a pretty young age to get married as it is. I foresee a marriage that has the potential to get ugly with a divorce months later. These are such silly things to be arguing over when you're not even married yet. This sounds like the marriage of 2 narcissists who are gonna rip each other's hair out after.

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  • Sorry. Yes, it is selfish. Your relationship is supposed to be about you and him, not about how much attention OTHER PEOPLE give either of you about your relationship.

    A woman's wedding should be the happiest day of her life. It is that because she is being married to a person she loves and fulfills her. If he does not do that, you are marrying the wrong person, and if he does do that then this day is JUST AS IMPORTANT to him as it is to you, and you should want to share it, not make him a "guest star" for the biggest day of YOUR COMBINED lives.

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  • The two of you have maturity issues. Why are you struggling with each other over who gets to stand in the spotlight? Your marriage can't last long if this continues.

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  • I'd say it's pretty fucking selfish but if you feel like you're sacrificing more then he is go ahead and feel entitled I don't really care.

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  • I don't think it's selfish if you've been sitting in the background the whole time.

    One question though... are YOUR family and friends giving Kody all the attention? Or is it just his peeps that are doing it? If the latter, maybe they just don't really know you that well, and thus are hesitant to shower you with praise? And if that's the case, I doubt your wedding is going to turn into the 'celebration of you' that you want it be.

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    • We've been together for 5 years. And my family gets caught up with praising him as well. He can do no wrong in their eyes.

      Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy... he just commands all the attention all the time and I'd like for just one day to be about me lol but everyone else says it's selfish so maybe I'll take the backseat on that day too.

    • Meh. Nothing really wrong with being a bridezilla. You'll just get called a bridezilla. Anyway sounds like you've got your work cut out for you making it about you if he commands attention so easily. Try not to blame him if he unintentionally steals the spotlight.

  • "Marriage-- The legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman as partners in a relationship."

    50/50, c'mon now.

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  • Such a woman is exactly what a bridezilla is.

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  • No you are not being selfish at all. Why does he has to always have the spotlight on him? But in my opinion. It should be some balance.

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  • I think your fiancé might have made a terrible mistake.

    Yes, selfish to the core.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Are you even old enough to be getting married? Yes it is selfish, and you don't only sound selfish you sound crazy. The wedding is about BOTH of you and your SHARED love. It's celebrating that. Not just you. Honestly.

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  • My question is are you sure you want to marry him? Are you 100% sure you can live as a guest star on the Kody show? I hate to be the devils advocate but you should really think about it. It never hurts to make sure. As for your question yes it does kinda sound selfish/bridezillaish but if it is always about him then you should shine just as much as him. It's human nature to care about ourselves, it's called our id. Our superego is what makes use put everyone and thing above us. Our ego is what helps keep a balance. So make sure to keep all that in balance.

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  • It seems like it is going to be a solo show, unless BOTH of you change before you walk down the aisle. I hate to say it, but unless both of you are willing to share the relationship, and the wedding, both of you will wind up alone.

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