Why do many people choose their future spouse based on their parents and the society's preference?

By preference here is like their parents and society have certain characteristics or criterias of which man or woman who is considered as marriage material. For the women, she must get married to a man who makes more money than her, or at least can provide her everything. As for the man, as usual do not bring back a woman who has bad past (especially sexual), or doesn't dress like "Mother Teresa"

I know that's their problem but I find it kinda disturbing seeing many of them end up cheating their spouse and drag other people into their problem. When you asked them, they will give so many lame excuses, yet didn't want to admit that they actually get married for the wrong reasons. Most of the time, I have noticed that the person they are cheating with is someone who isn't even close to what their parents or society considered as "potential wife/husband"


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't care about society or my parents preferences.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Not sure i quite understand the question. Do my preferences in women match my parents (or dad to be specific)? No. My dad married my mom, who has blonde hair, is really thin, tan, has glasses, and is average height. I on the otherhand, have a preference for short brunettes, with fair skin, average-weight, curvy bodies, and glasses usually turn me off.

    So no, my preferences do not match my parents. And if you are talking about skillsets or whatever, rather than looks:

    My dad always told me "look for a woman who cooks, cleans, and carries a bible". Of course i want a Christian woman, since i am Christian myself, but i could care less wether she can cook and clean or not because i can do that myself. And as for her "background" idc that much. If she is a virgin, she is "pure", if she has had a few sexual partners, she is "experienced". Both are good in their own ways. I would be taken aback if she had slept with 20+ guys prior to going out with me, but it probably wouldn't make me lose interest (so long as she proved her loyalty to me, and was a suitable wife in most other ways).

    So do my preferences match my parents? No, absolutely not

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  • Because it's what we know. I remember a councilor in school saying that most students will become teachers because it's what they are comfortable with. They know what teachers do but aren't too sure what engineers or architects do. Sometimes people prefer the known over taking a risk.

    Of course, later on, they feel the need for something different if things are going badly or if they're in a mid life crisis and so cheat with someone who is entirely different to what they know because they feel trapped and bored by their normal and traditional life.

    Just my theory.

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  • Having family or society against you can make life unbearable or worse, and it's not always feasible for you and your unacceptable spouse to move elsewhere.

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    • I can't believe some people willing to sacrifice their whole life being unhappy for the sake of pleasing other people.

  • Not always true. My mother is the 5th of 7 daughters. Before her, the 4 daughters her senior were all set up via arranged marriages with your aforementioned criteria (ie., makes money, security, etc.). However, she met my father, whom at the time was only a bus ticket conductor and a competitive singer, at the time.

    My dad was born an orphan because he came from a poor family and his mother died before he was a teenager because she bled to death during a dental procedure in a third world country, and his father also passed when he was young. He had to support himself by working different jobs. He would often talk about how he would be laying in the field and asking the sky while addressing the message to his Father: "Why couldn't I had been born from a rich person's stomach?"

    My mother was introduced to a son of a rich family, but she didn't want to marry him, and instead, she met my father, who again was poor. When she introduced my father to her father at the time, my mother's father objected, and hated my mother and didn't talk to her until I was born. She ended up marrying my father and often says 'I married you because of your being, not your money,' because now out of all the sisters, my father is the most successful one and the one who helps my mother's siblings and family come to the United States and having jobs here.

    This is just an example, but a true story so I am very hopeful of choosing love over security because of the path that was paved before me.

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  • Well it is kinda fucked up because a woman would not marry a poor man either, I have not seen many (I have seen an old rich lady married to a much younger lad because she wanted to feel young again I guess but come on she is like one orgasm away from heaven)... Would you marry a poor man? don't lie.
    Also women with a bad history are just unreliable as much as a man with the same history because he will not respect his wife and think of her as just another vagina. But yes ladies tend to be more criticised for her sexual past but a man gets measured by the size of his wallet and popularity. I don't know what you mean by "Mother Teresa" what a gypsy?
    You are right about incompatible people being married to feed their cultural ego crap but deep down that's not what they want but they still do it like an idiot and cheat. A married woman told me her husband was not her type... bla bla bla it goes on...

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    • "Mother Terese" means dressing like a "classy lady/housewife" I admit that I won't marry a poor man, but I don't demand for a rich man either. I am a working lady and I make my own money. Let's say my parents disagree with me marrying a dude who isn't rich, I will still marry him.

    • I don't mean a beggar when I say poor I mean someone who for example works for the local supermarket rather than a flashy company. So would you marry a guy who makes less money than you? (I mean females get jobs far easier than males these days)

  • We bang hot girls and marry good girls.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Not all of us do... lol my parents preferance is somebody like them... but why would i want to put myself through more torture? ^_^ my parents are idiots... totally arrogant so... i don't want to settle for a guy like that... my parents push my confidence down just so id do what they say... they manipulate others to make it look like a "happy family" but we are as close as a lion and a hippo... lol.

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  • Now this doesn't always happen or always end in failure.

    Humans as a whole love having "familiar" things. If we are given a choice, we will go with what is most familiar as it has some association to us. Our parents are familiar correct? So why not choose someone who is familiar like our parents?

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