Does he or does he not want to marry me?

Hi all!

I've been dating and living with my bf for 2.5 years. We moved half way across the country together to pursue his career just a few months ago. We have two dogs together and get along really great. We've talked about marriage and are on the same page with things. However, I just found a letter he sends to his uncle who is incarcerate and skimmed through it to find out he wrote that I want a ring but he is hesitant to give it to me. I asked him about it and he said he wants to but he's scared. I just dont understand what he is scared of. I definitely am not pushing anything on him that he is not ready to do but why tell me and a few others he wants to marry me but no he's hesitating? Id like to hear what that really means from the guys and i would like to hear if I am overreacting from the girls.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 2.5 years can be a tricky time. That is around the time that even the longest lasting NRE (new relationship energy) starts to fade. For some people it fades in a couple of weeks. Usually in a couple of months. Sometimes a couple of years. But it is almost always fading by around 2, 2.5 years. NRE is that super-charged attraction at the start of a relationship. It's when the person seems perfect, when everything seems awesome. When it seems clear that this person would make the perfect husband/wife and that you can clearly see a perfect, rosey future together.

    NRE exists to artificially bond people together while real love grows slowly in the background. Real love takes years to form, so this heightened state or receptivity helps let that happen. In the perfect case, when it does fade, there is enough love that has built up underneath it that the relationship proceeds with only a little hiccup of transition. In the worst case, the NRE fades and there isn't any love there at all, and the relationship crumbles.

    The fact that he is questioning it means that the NRE has faded for him. This is both good and bad. It is good because it means that if he DOES go forward with it, it will be with 'real' and genuine emotions. What you build from this point forward will be more stable, and have less chance of crumbling. It is bad because it means he is no longer looking at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses. So it's getting close to that 'shit or get off the pot' moment.

    The fact that he is still considering it is a good sign. A very good sign. The fact that he is questioning it can also be interpreted as good, as it means he is looking at the future realistically. Which is good for long term stability. He may not have quite as much 'real' love as he was feeling with the NRE, but there is still something there. Don't rush this, let it take some time to build the love up stronger. It will last longer that way. He is transitioning into long term love.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He doesn't wanna get rejected by you.

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    • Rejected at the proposal? He knows I would never.

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    • LOL, that is very clear. However, I spill my heart out to him. We aren't the most sappy loving romantical couple but I do tell him things that are from the depth of my mind and soul. He knows how loyal and committed I am to him. He should know that I would never reject him. So I just don't see that being the case.. =(

    • I dont know but good luck

What Girls Said 1

  • I thin you really overreacting a little bit, its for me very normal, that men wants the best for the woman, which he wants to marry, Maybe he wants to fgive you a good live, but doesn't habe enough money. even to make a wedding or he is really not ready to be married. Just gibe him a break or ask him:) We can only make hypothesis

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