I recently became engaged to my girlfriend (fiancee now) who I have been with for over a year. We truly are great together, we love each other unconditionally, have been through so much together, and have always been on the same page with our goals, expectations, and communication. She really is my rock and best friend along with the love of my life.
However, we now face a problem we never did before. Our religions. I am Jewish, she is Greek-Orthodox. I come from a mixed-faith home where my mom is Roman Catholic and my dad is Jewish. At the time of their marriage, even though my mom came from a pretty religious home, religion was more important to keep for my dad- so they agreed for us to be raises Jewish but still celebrate all religious holidays. The discussion of who might officiate our wedding (which is way way down the road, 2 years+) I brought up perhaps having a priest and a rabbi - to meet both affiliations in a way that the ceremony is not overwhelmed with religion but just the right touch. She was not open to the idea, and asked how I felt about having a rabbi period. I said I would rather have a rabbi than not, but if she is not comfortable or does not want to have one then we will not. She says religion makes her uncomfortable and talking about it makes her upset. She basically shut down on me with this discussion, even though I told her I would not ever make her do something she does not want to do -especially in this context. It just worries me about how we can resolve this, and it also worries me about the future in regards to faith and raising our own family. Do we get a 3rd party involved? I feel if I approach it anymore she will continue to be upest with me. She tends to get hot-headed and not listen to me if she feels upset about something. I did not say anything wrong, I expressed how I felt and offered absolutely no pressure on the subject. But if she does not feel strongly about a religion, and I do more so,
Most Helpful Guy
I think that you should be firm in making sure that your beliefs are respected and acknowledged as well as hers. It's not fair to you if she shuts down, especially when you're trying to compromise with her.
You may want to seek third party help, many ministers recommend marriage counseling before they'll actually perform a wedding, so that might help a bit.
If she's already putting up communication barriers though, that'd be a red flag for me.
Also, as far as any children that you may have, I'd make sure that they're aware of both of your beliefs and left to choose what they want to believe for themselves.1