If you consider yourself in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage, what are your reasons for staying?

Why do you stay in a bad marriage? Do you see yourself ever leaving? If so, why? If not, why?

i'm not asking about repairing a marriage, I'm asking why do you stay in a bad one and will you ever leave and why/why not. 1/2 the answers I've received are not coming from folks that this doesn't apply to...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Soooooooooo many reasons :( . Yes I'm deeply unhappy but it's more of a case of a divorce is just so messy. I'd be letting people down or feel that I was eg my mother my family. I don't have children which is 1 good thing. I think its the saying its better the devil you know in this particular case. But mostly its the uncertanty, questions like, 1, where will I live? 2, Money - how will I pay for rent bills etc 3, who gets what. I care about him but we've both forgotton why we are married we've tried counceling but it hasn't worked. I love him but I'm not in love anymore. Yes I would rather divorce but its just not possible right now, we have friends family house car and it would all just get turned upside down, I'd have to start from scratch & I don't no where 2 start. So no I don't see me leaving in the near future, although its not working anymore.

    • So far, yours is the only answer I've received from someone it actually applies to. now you said that you don't see yourself leaving in the near future. do you see yourself w/a "breaking point" where you'd leave despite all your current reasons to stay? I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about "had all you can stand of the same". is it because you love him and hold out for the marriage to work?


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What Guys Said 1

  • "The path of excess leads to the temple of wisdom." -- William Blake

    In other words, it's best to go through the motions for as long as humanely possible so that you are utterly convinced that the whole idea of marriage and 'sticking to it' are idiotic. Be the fool for enough years and you'll be a sage by the end of it.

    • I'm not sure if I'm following you. I've heard that folks considering themselves in a "bad" marriage in their late 30s-40's who stick it out, say that ultimately it gets better in their later days... I'm not sure if it actually gets better or if they just get used to whatever was wrong...

    • Well attitude is everything. That said, you can't just change your attitude for convenience's sake. If you don't want to be with a person then it doesn't matter how much good will you have, things will always become fractious.

What Girls Said 2

  • There must be something stopping you from leaving, he must be something for you to still be sticking around.. maybe you have kids, if you really want to stay and try something new, maybe spice up the sex life, or take a vacation together.. all these could work! if you really want to stay with this man, try your best to make it work! :)

    • Again... this is not about why I'm staying or leaving. I want to know what makes others in this situation stay and if/when they'd leave, what is the reason? forget all the reasons of how to fix the marriage, I'm specifically talking about an unsalvagable marriage and why you stay and if/when you'll leave...

  • As a disclaimer, I am NOT in an unhappy marriage, which makes it a lot easier to say, I admit. But... I would hope that I WOULD stay if it were simply a matter of "fulfillment" (as opposed to abuse or infidelity, or something like that) because I really value the marital vows and the nature of a committment, especially one taken before before God. I really believe in "for better or worse" not "for as long as I feel happy and fulfilled." (The latter really isn't a committment at all.) This isn't to say though, that I wouldn't work like hell to make my marriage as strong as possible. Again, I know it's easy to say, when it isn't you, and I will allow that there are situations where divorce really may be best. But for me, it would be an absolute last resort and only after doing absolutely everything in my power to improve the situation. It would be an agonizing situation. And it goes without saying that there ARE certain deal-breakers, such as abuse, etc.

    • When I say "unhappy" or "unfulfilling", I mean a marriage that is not abusive but not working to the point of knowing that you're in a relationship you don't want to continue. I'm specifically asking those folks what is the catalyst that makes them stay and is it subject to change and why. I absolutely agree that marriage should be salvaged when possible but that's why my question is directed specifically to those that are past that point... Doesn't sound like that would include you..