Girls, Do I have a good reason to be very angry?

Multiple times before my wife and I got married. I made it very clear that in a marriage I believe in both people having the same last name. She agreed and she said she believes in it as well. Her mom and her grandmother all did the same thing they change their last name after married. She knows it is an extremely important thing and I would never even think about marrying someone if she does not believe in changing her last name and i consider it a dealbreaker.

Now, after we are married, she tells me she changed her mind and doesn't want to change her name. I am really hurt and really angry and I feel like she tricked me.

  • Yes you have a good reason to be angry
    62% (10)
  • No you don't have a good reason to be angry
    38% (6)
And you are? I'm a GirlGuys can not vote on this poll

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9

Most Helpful Girl

  • I can fully understand why she wouldn't want to change her last name and I think that she has every right to keep her own last name. However it's not okay for her to agree with you and make the promise that she'll change her last name and then suddenly change her mind as soon as you guys are married
    I think maybe she was afraid that you wouldn't marry her if she didn't tell you she'd change her last name and that's why she lied and told you she'd do it. If that's the case I can sort of understand where she's coming from - she deserves to keep her own name if that's what she wants, but I do think you have a right to be mad because she did lie and tell you that she was going to do it. But in my opinion you both play a part in this
    You need to sit down and have a talk. Why do you want her to change her name and why does she not want to do it? Can you maybe make a compromise such as a double barrelled name? Don't be too mad at her, she probably has her reasons for doing as she did, and you need to talk as adults. Afterall, you do love each other and that's the most important thing :)

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What Girls Said 8

  • I can understand you're angry but on the other hand I hope you didn't just marry her because of your last name and I believe if you really love her you will get over it.

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  • You do have a reason to be angry. I don't like how some women think its okay to lie about something significant to the other.

    If she knew of was a dealbreaker and lied to you saying she would do it, and ended not doing it, then of course you have the right to be angry.

    Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel.

    Let her know that this might seem silly to her but it means a lot to you.

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    • What if she originally planned to do it but suddenly changed her mind. Then would i still have a good reason to be angry

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    • If it's a deal breaker then why are you still with her?

    • She can't change her mind about like that about a deal breaker

      Make it clear to her

  • Ultimately, it's her decision. I understand that you feel hurt but I don't think you should be angry.

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  • I don't understand why she has to change her last name. Ok she said she would do it before and now she's backing out, which is a little rude, but why is it so important to you? What she wanted you to cange your last name to hers and it was a deal breaker for her? And don't give answers like, "Because she's the woman". She should get to keep her last name if she wants. She picked you to be married to so that means she wants to be with YOU. Why does changing her last name validate that for you?

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  • I think I'd be irritated but at the other hand, you can't force her to do something. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

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  • If she dosent want to. she dosent have to. its not like its a law. isn't a wedding ring enough to show that she's yours?

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    • I know. But she promised that she would she she knew how important it is to me.

    • What are you gonna do?
      Divorce her just for that

  • Double barrelled name?

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  • good reason.

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