Would you find your partner keeping their last name, after marriage, offensive?

This is particularly in regards to women keeping their name obviously, so I would like to know if you would feel offended if your partner wanted to keep their own last name?

  • Yes, it's offensive / I would not like it
    5% (2)32% (19)22% (21)Vote
  • No, it's not offensive / I would not mind it
    55% (21)44% (26)48% (47)Vote
  • Indifferent
    26% (10)14% (8)19% (18)Vote
  • I would comprise (e. g. a double barrelled last name)
    14% (5)10% (6)11% (11)Vote
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Most Helpful Guy

  • For the Chinese, it is customary for the woman to keep her name, although children take the father's last name.
    For some W. African cultures, it is actually the woman's name that passes to offspring (matrilineal).
    For the intensely patriarchal Rome and all her previous holdings, it is the man's name that passes on to both wife and child.

    Anyway, it is probably what tradition you observe. I think it could be offensive to be asked to follow another one, depending on the person and the importance of their traditions.

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What Guys Said 36

  • I would be upset depending upon the reasoning. The original purpose of this in western society was to signify that the woman was now apart of her husbands family and thus part of his responsibility. So if I am, as is predominantly the case, the primary bread winner, if I am still the one responsibile for paying for dates and being "romantic", if I am the one expected to go check on the noise in the kitchen in the middle of the night (potentially to my extreme detriment) then yes I would find it outright insulting. Its the equivalent of saying "We are equals. . . except for the part where you are forced to continue perfomring all of your traditional gender roles." Kind of a load of crap. If she wants to split bills down the middle, then trade off who inspects the potentially life threatening noise in the kitchen (or any other room) then she would actually have a legitament argument. Barring that, no intolerable.

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  • I have a very big issue with it. I am modern and progressive in most areas. But that is the one thing I am very traditional. Esp if the woman has already changed her name before (if she was married at least 1x before). I think it is worse to hyphenate you name. either change it or don't but it looks so fucking stupid when they hyphenate. If it was tradition for the man to change his name I would. Either she loves me or she doesn't.

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  • This is one of the stupidest things I find that people get pissed off over I could care less what she does with her name.

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  • It wouldn't really offend me if she didn't change it, but its just one of those things that seems like you are SUPPOSED to do. I'd find it weird and be a little suspicious if she didn't want to change her name - and afterall, what reason does she have for NOT changing it? Also, it could lead to an argument if we had kids, because we would have to decide which of our names the baby would be named.

    I think it'd just be better to change it and avoid these potential problems.

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    • Not everything has to be an argument though, I think I should be able to say I want to keep my last name and it should be respected, regardless of any reasons, I shouldn't have to give reasons or have an argument over something like that.

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    • @GirlsLie
      Well it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I'll admit that I'd prefer that she changed it. Sharing a last name is just something that seems symbolic union in a marriage, so even if the tradition was backwards, I'd change my last name when i got married.

    • I just think someones feelings should come before tradition lol

  • I really don't care, well actually I prefer her to keep her last name.

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  • It wouldn't offend me, no. Although I have to admit that I'd like her to want to take my name, it's not a huge deal to me.

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  • I'd like my wife to take my last name but im sure she will :3

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  • My wife rarely uses my name: most people will write it down incorrectly while hers is always understood.

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  • Wouldn't be a big problem for me

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  • Their name is part of their identety and their family, im not her father, so i wouldn't mind if she didn't adopt my last name.

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  • If that is what she really want I won't gonna fight about it

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  • I wouldn't marry a woman who doesn't want to take my last name. I'm old fashioned like that.

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    • would you break up with her or just not get married but still be in a relationship?

    • I wouldn't stay with hee long term, that's for sure. Without the potential of marriage, at my age, a relationship is pointers.

  • I would prefer my wife take my last name. I honestly don't understand why woman nowadays are keeping their original names. It wouldn't prevent from marrying her, but I just would argue adamantly for her taking mine.

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  • Yes it's offensive, I would not like it at all

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  • Id compromise with letting her keep her name but the kids would get mine and I would be annoyed I dont like feminist bullshit.

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  • Doesn't matter at all.

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  • If we're getting married, she's taking my name, and no double-barreled last name, makes it seem as if we're divorced already.

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    • But her name is a part of who she is. I understand you want her to be closer to you and embrace your marriage fully or whatever but if ahe didn't want to would it be a big problem that you would actually get mad over?

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    • @GirlsLie

      I'd even discuss making up a completely new last name, but having two different last names points to disjointedness and disharmony. Not to mention hyphenated names look bad, are too long, and immediately point to divorce.

      We disagree, but something tells me we weren't gonna marry anyways, so I don' think it matters much ;p

    • I've always thought that making a new last name would be a great idea honestly lol

  • I will take on her last name.

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  • I would have no problem taking a wife's last name
    instead of her taking mine..

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  • It is customary in my culture to for women to take the husband's name. I would not marry a woman who would not take my name.

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  • I don't really believe in marriage, but I wouldn't feel offended about it

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  • In less it's part of a prenuptial or important business name or logo, I would think my bride would be honored to share my name

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  • It's not a huge deal, because it's an enormous inconvenience to them, but it's better if they keep it sort of as like another last name (i. e. Wilson-Smith) or something if they want to keep their last name

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  • More of an issue is what surname the children would take. Interesting court case for a judge who tells a man whose kids refuse to bear his name that he should pay alimony to their mother...

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  • It shows (in the guys view) that you aren't fully committed. Ik girls may find this stupid but I was just answering the question truthfully

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    • So what if you've been together for years, she's completely loyal to you, has never cheated or gave you reason to doubt her, which is why you should marry her in the first place but none of that comes into consideration when a last name comes into the picture? Honestly I wouldn't marry a man who couldn't respect me and my loyalty without me having to take his last name, it's one of the most ridiculous and childish things i've ever heard of and men who think like that shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

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    • That's right @TheNewJanie, being loving, caring, supporting and loyal isn't enough for a man since more women file for divorce then men, he got you there.

    • Well. #1 dudeman said it exactly. A committment means nothing now days. And to answer girlslie... I can't respond to that. Cause I've never had a girl do me that way... she always gives me doubt. But she's getting better. Just got to have patience... she has a good heart... Just doesn't get stuff... If you know what I mean. But I really wouldn't care if she kept her last name... though I don't think she wants to lol... she don't like her family much. They mistreat her a little bit

  • err does it really matter? :/

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  • If age is but a number your name is but a moniker.

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  • While I'm not married, I don't think that would be an issue for me.

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  • I wouldn't be offended. If anything I would prefer that

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    • why would you prefer it?

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    • And I'm not a traditional relationship style kind of a person either.

    • Hmm fair enough, that is a point I have never thought of before

  • They can do whatever they want.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Meh, not really. What was it that Juliet said? "A rose with any other name would still smell as sweet" or in other words who gives a f*ck

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  • My boyfriend wants me to take his name when we get married. I flip flop on whether or not I will on pretty much a daily basis though :p

    I like my last name a lot and it would be very difficult personally for me to change it. But we shall see. I have a few years.

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    • The women that I have seen wrestle with this have concluded that they want to have the same name as a family including the children somthey are one. The thought is to get it done now early in life and then not have to deal with it all their life.

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    • So... there's that. I like my name a lot. It's silly to say in this day and age, but it means something where I come from. IF I had children I'd give them his last name, obviously, but I'm not so sure about my own. I don't like change at all so it'd be like pulling teeth. It's like pulling teeth to get me to order something different when we go out to eat, so you can imagine how difficult it'd be to straight up change my name.

  • I would probably only change my name if his was cooler than mine.

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  • I'm not changing my last name and I wouldn't marry a guy who had an issue with me keeping my own name because it just goes to show that he wouldn't be able to handle me having my own opinion in other areas of the relationship as well.

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    • Would you stay in a relationship with him if he had a problem with it, or would you ultimately end it?

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    • I answer questions. Thats kinda what this is sbout.

    • Well that's what I was doing before you analyzed my personality and tried to drag me into your feminist hating bullshit over wanting to keep my last name lol

  • I would always change my name unless there were no boys in my generation to keep the name going and if that was the case I would do the "double barrelled" last name.

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  • A teacher of mine kept her name because she didn't like her husband's name.

    Another kept hers because she didn't have any brothers and her died died. She wanted her family's name to live on.

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  • I understand it so I wouldn't mind it.

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  • Its not that i wouldn't be loyal to the husband I might have one day (because 'Im too young to get married rite now) but i have always loved my last name for many reasons and already decided that if i ever got married I wouldn't change my last name. But honestly, i wouldn't marry a guy who didn't respect that so other girls might think differently.

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  • I want to keep my last name because I like feeling like an individual. Also I just like the way my name sounds

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  • I'm different. But I won't change my last name if I get married one day lol

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  • I'd most likely go with the double barrelled last name.

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  • Well, I prefer to keep my name, if my "husband" got mad about it, then he can file for divorce or he doesn't have to marry me in the first place. Or i can he can take the second option... which would be that he take my last name and i can take his. Anyway I am marrying a person cause of love not cause of the name after all.. right?

    The kids can have both of our last names

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