Is it a bad idea to marry someone in the military?

my finance is in the military. My friends say it's a bad idea because every time he is with the army (once a month for three days/two nights) they tell me he is probably around a lot of girls. They say that if he gets deployed soon, he will get tired of having no contact (sexually) with a girl and he will end up cheating on me. They also tell me that since he has been gone all month out of state, (3 weeks of summer training) that they are around girls and he probably "talks" to them. That it isn't that hard to cheat. I trust my Fiancé with my life. I know he will never cheat on me. We have been together for a year and a half. We have never had problems with him and other girls. But my friends say he's just good at hiding it? Are they right? I really hope not. Like, I know he's not doing anything. I trust him with my whole life. But they keep putting thing in my head, I don't know what to think anymore. Please help...

  • They are right.
    22% (4)27% (4)24% (8)Vote
  • They are NOT right.
    33% (6)53% (8)42% (14)Vote
  • They COULD BE right?
    45% (8)20% (3)34% (11)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need new friends! Omg
    He is your fiancé. Do you think he would risk your marriage in the future for some random girl hanging around those guys? You say he's gone once a month for 3 days. I think a guy can go without sex for 3 days lol. And 3 weeks for training isn't long at all. And when he's gone, he's most likely BUSY doing army stuff. He's not on some vacation hanging around other women. He is at his job.
    If you trust him, what they say shouldn't matter.

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    • I agree. I would trust him (whi loves you) more than ur friends (who might b jealous; 1 of them even showed lack of character by trying to mess with him).

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    • Thank you so much! See this is what I wanted to hear, a sincere answer. Not a rude one like some people "well if he's in the military he might " just because he's in the military? No. My boyfriend is not like that. I've known him long enough to be sure of that. I know he loves me and I love him. In the end that's all that really matters. I will look into that support group. Thank you again!

    • No problem!
      I think people tend to focus their attention on the horror stories of ether the man cheating while he's deployed or the woman cheating because she misses affection while he's gone. Or vice versa, depends on who's gone. But you hear much less about the couples who actually don't cheat lol. And I believe those couples are the majority. I think military marriages get a bad reputation because of the people who actually screw up lol.

What Guys Said 6

  • Your friends are just making you paranoid. He is at TRAINING not the strip club. You don't have time for sex during training, and if he did there is no coed training; no girls to have the sex with. When he is deployed (what branch by the way?) he isn't meeting a sexy woman every day willing to have sex with him; he'll be on base, with mostly other guys, either fighting or doing other sorts of work, and usually without contact with any woman.
    Besides, most people in the military are scared of their partner cheating on THEM because they are gone and can't do anything. It's become such a popular trend that the Marines came up with a song, lore, and character for it. I'm sure you wouldn't cheat on him, but he is probably having the same fears you are!

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    • I know he is. We have talked about it before. Maybe I just need new "friends"

    • That's what it sounds like

  • they might b either right or wrong, but truth's there would b a serious lack of communication if he's in da military... :|

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    • But our communication is great! Sure, we don't talk as much as usual when he's out there on duty. but it's not that bad. He still makes sure to text me goodnight, and good morning. Even if I'm already or still asleep. And like, when he's around, we do everything together. He comes back this Saturday and I'm so exited! Haven't seen him in 3 1/2 weeks. I'm soooo happy. And I can tell he is too. Like of how good our relationship is, I don't know why my friends tell me this...

    • then u have some good signs, so i guess u can stay wid him i believe

  • Yea, he's in the army. What do you think he does, bang his army buddies? The army is overwhelmingly male. Sure, he'll be away a lot and you two will miss one another, but being deployed doesn't exactly give you access to a lot of women. It's a base, not a sorority house. Your friend doesn't have a clue.

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  • I've been in a long-distance relationship for close to nine months. It won't be until partway into next year that we're together, and I have no intention of straying. Several of my cousins are military, and despite multiple tours each there have been no issues with marital fidelity. You trust your man to stay faithful, as he'll be trusting you. You'll be fine. These friends of yours ought to be supporting you instead of trying to stick pins into your relationship.

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    • Thank you! Very very helpful!

  • Your 'friends' are nothing but trouble-makers. Your fiance is probably thinking about you the entire time he is away.

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  • trust is a big thing and if you don't trust him then you shouldn't marry him

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    • I trust him! Omg. What I'm saying is that what they are telling me is getting me paranoid. I just want to know other people's opinions. Because what they say is dumb, considering the fact that they have never seen or heard of him doing such things. And plus one of them tried to make a move at him (while drunk, which is what she tells me.) And he himself told me about it. She denied it at first but then said sorry and that she had been drunk. So I decided to forgive her.

What Girls Said 7

  • Are they saying that just because he's in the military?
    Or because they actually know and have seen/heard some stuff?
    I think it's pretty damn unfair to assume that just just because he's I'm the military.
    He's YOUR fiance.
    You should know him better than them.
    It's kinda sad how you can't trust him and you're going to marry him.
    Sounds like it'll be a problem in the future.
    If anything I personally hear of significant others cheating on their partners who are in the military because they get lonely.
    You should have a talk with your fiance.

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    • Omg I'm sorry, bit do you not know how to read? I trust him. With my life. But what they have to say gets me paranoid. I just want to know what other people have to say. He has NEVER given them a reason to say that in fact one of them tried flirting with him at a pool party and he ended up telling me the next day. Her and I got into it but I decided to forgive her, she said she was drunk, and didn't know what she was doing. And my other friend idk?

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    • Okay first of, I never said anything about stereotypes. Secondly, I wanted to hear what other people have to say. And yes I am worried, because they constantly tell me this. It gets me paranoid. I have talked to him about it. So all I was asking is for you all's opinion. Not for you to come over here and tell me stuff. So if you're gonna be like this, get off my shit. Have a good day now😊

    • My opinion is what you got.
      And you did list a stereotype.

  • if you have trust in him its cool... but personally i would go for someone who is more present than absent

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    • I know, and trust me at first I told him no. It would not work out. But I fell in love with him as I talked to him more and more. Finally we met up and now we have our own house we are planning our wedding for next year, and he's the one that incisted on us getting married. We talk all the time. We have great communication. Sure, he is gonna a lot. But I'm proud of him. For what he does. And when he's around there is never a dull moment. We laugh a lot, we go out , we go camping. It's fun. He's defenetally the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. But.. I don't know if my friends are jealous? Because I know one of them tried flirting with him at a pool party last year and he ended up telling me. And I got into it with her. But I decided to forgive her. I don't know why my other friend would tell me this though?

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    • but be very careful

    • Yes still eyes open

  • If you don't trust him, you shouldn't marry him. Period. There's this pervasive idea that all men in the military are cheaters and scumbags but it can't be true for all of them.

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    • Oh I trust him with all my heart! He is a great guy! He has never given me a reason not to trust him. It's just all they tell me is getting me paranoid. Like sometimes they say "You are going to end up pregnant. And he's gonna leave you for some whore over seas" like wtf? They're cruel! He has never done anything to show he is capable of such thing... sometimes it gets me mad. I've talked to him about it. And he tells me that weather he gets deployed or doesn't there is no other girl he would rather be than me. And I trust him.

    • Maybe you need new friends!

  • don't listen to your friends! they don't sound like they respect your fiancé. you just won't get to have sex very often due to him away a lot.

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  • If they haven't ever seen him do that, then what do they know?

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    • In the end if u trust him, follow ur gut. No regrets

    • Exactly! That's what I say. But they say it's because all guys in the army are like that

  • Ya I wouldn't do it it's honestly a 50/50 chance

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  • You need to trust your partner, your friends don't seem like they are considering your feelings. Trust your gut feeling

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