Should he pay Spousal support if the marriage ends in divorce and she was a stay at home mom?

My boyfriend wants to put in a prenup tbat if the marriage ends in divorce, everything before the marriage stays his and tbat he won't have to pay Spousal support. I think that would really fuck me over cause he could decide at any time to leave me and then it's like we'll good luck. I've comprised heavily on this prenup thing. I don't even want one and here I am trying to protect myself.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have mixed feelings on pre-nups. I think they're a smart thing to go into a marriage with. I've seen people (men AND women) get screwed. My gf's godmother is a wealthy corporate lawyer, and her husband was a lawyer as well. She continued in that career, while he decided to get out of it, and tried to get into real estate and a few other ill-fated business opportunities. His family has money, so it was never a problem. Now they're about to divorce, he decided to leave. He obviously plotted this, because he did some underhanded stuff with money (that I don't fully understand) but he essentially worked it so she paid the family expenses from her accounts, and he kept all his money in cash and off-the-grid. So now he's claiming he was a stay-at-home dad, and all the financial records point to that, and he's trying to burn her for 17,000 A MONTH!!! If he wins, she won't be able to retire soon as she had been planning. So it's possible to get totally jerked, and couples would be wise to sign legal documents to prevent such things.

    In your case, I would speak to an attorney about this type of thing to make sure you're protected. Honestly, I'm in favor of the idea of a spouse only being entitled to money earned DURING the marriage. If someone comes into it with a large family inheritance, I don't see any reason why the other spouse should have any entitlement to that money, they played no role in earning it. If you're a stay at home mom and/or housewife, by way of a mutual marital decision, then you ABSOLUTELY should be entitled to spousal support, based on what was earned during your time in that role. That's the point of spousal support, if your spouse ASKS YOU to not work or go to school to take care of the home and/or kids, then that was a sacrifice on your end that you should be compensated for. I just don't support the idea that people are just flatly entitled to half of the total pot, I think it should only apply to the duration of the marriage. Like the old Chris Rock stand-up bit, he says women go to court like "your honor, I'm accustomed to this, I'm accustomed to that..." "ACCUSTOMED? What the fuck is "ACCUSTOMED?" When I got to a restaurant, I'm "accustomed" to eating. But if I get up and leave, THEY DON'T OWE ME A STEAK!" I think people should be protected, but if I married a rich woman and she asked me to stay home, if she or I left, I wouldn't expect the wealthy lifestyle to continue, I would just want enough to live decent, especially since...

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    • ... I'm now fully capable of working. I think it's owed to someone to be allowed to land on their feet, but where does it end? There's not much incentive to getting married in the first place if you're the breadwinner if you have to pay this person's way the rest of your life, that's crazy.

      But it's very wise to sign an agreement that works for both of you, OR just don't get married. I'd definitely recommend you retaining a lawyer to navigate you through the process so you two can hopefully come to agreeable terms. Good luck!👍

What Guys Said 12

  • I am an attorney in Florida and I handle family law matters. In Florida (and te law is probably similar in mist other states,) prenuptial agreements generally are not upheld unless each party had independent legal advice in negotiating and understanding the terms of the agreement. When you get an attorney, he will object to certain terms and those will be negotiated between the attorneys, with the advice and consent of their clients.

    Provisions regarding no spousal support should provide that spousal support will be paid if either party becomes disabled or leaves the work force for the purpose of devoting their time to raising children, supporting the other spouse's career, or because the other spouse requested that they stop working.

    How parties handle the negotiating of a prenuptial agreement offers some insight into how they will handle conflict when they get into a marriage. If he is acting totally selfish and without regard to your well-being now. . . do you think it will get better or worse after you get married?

    What I am telling you in this post is not intended to be legal advice and you should consult an attorney; I am just explaining that you should certainly get an independent attorney to negotiate the pre-nuptial agreement and you should keep your eyes and ears open!

    @9fmeo Thanks for the "referral."

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    • Thank you. I'm in Canada so I don't know how similar the laws are

    • The process of negotiating a prenuptial agreement is probably extremely similar. You should definitely have an independent attorney represent you.

  • The idea of alimony might have made sense in the fifties when women were expected not to work.

    Nowadays women work in retail in highschool and keep it up while they go to college. The idea that women are not going to be marketable after a failed marriage is sort of bullshit. Women choose the type of life they want to live and that includes what kind of marriage. If you get dumped, the marketplace for workers is sufficient that you can get a job at restaurant, just like liberal arts majors.

    It's your marriage. It's gonna be your contract that you sign. If you really believe that you're a super genius that is going to forego a PHD in physics to cook your husbands meals, then maybe you should negotiate a better contract.

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  • Prenups were designed for wealthy people to keep from getting taken to the cleaners by gold diggers. Not for the common person. Is your fiancee wealthy, would je fear you may only love his money and not him? If this isn't the case, I agree with the sentiment of end it before you need it.

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  • If you were/are a stayathome mom, especially, I'd think so, because it would, I assume, be partially because of him, right?

    and getting back into the employed world is really hard. You were a couple and I know that sometimes paying alimony or other forms of financial support are just habitual and not really necessary, but I think if a married couple splits, leaving one guy untethered and probably still with a job, and a woman who's a stay at home mom... I think he should accept the responsibility that he may need to help you through it. You deserve that I believe.

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    • Thanks so much. If he can't comprimise on this than I think this will be the thing that ends us

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    • Yeah. I tried explaining to him that I would need it but he won't budge. He thinks spousal support is wrong

    • Huh. Well if he just thinks it's wrong, no matter what, it sounds more like he's being stubborn than listening to your reasoning, I mean, he might disagree with it but I'd think any decent guy would understand how hard that would make your life if he left you.

  • Here in Belgium, you must pay Spousal support up to such an amount that your former husband or wife can maintain the same standard of life.
    Who will own the goods bought during the marriage depends on if you had a wedding contract. If not, everything bought once married goes 50/50. All you owned before marriage remains yours.
    In the contract - for people who have one - you can decide who gets what after marriage. From everything in common to everything separated.

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  • If I were you I wouldn't sign the prenup. Spousal support was created FOR stay at home moms not to be fucked over in divorce.

    I would seek some legal advice about this if I were you.

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  • That's why I hate prenups, because it shows the mentality that you are thinking the marriage will end in divorce, not until death do you apart.

    I'd think that this is the beginning of the end. Expidite it and leave him. This mentality is exactly why marriages fail.

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    • Well over half of marriages end in divorce and over 70% of those divorces are initiated by the woman

  • At least your boyfriend is not a total idiot. Too bad you won't be able to screw him over though when you divorce him, cupcake. Long live the Confederacy.

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  • Don't sign it... It sounds like he intends to leave you if something better comes along and wants to just be able to chuck you out and replace you. Leave now and tell him to wipe his arse on the prenup...

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  • Do *NOT* sign the PRENUP under any circumstances!

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  • wow what a nasty piece of work. Don't marry such a guy! Please! Marry me instead

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  • First off, alimony is fucking bullshit.

    That said, a prenup should protect both parties. You both should have your own lawyer negotiating terms on your behalf (and eliminating spousal support is common--because why the fuck should someone have to pay that? Get a job.)

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    • My reason for supporting this is not just that it's the man supporting the woman--it's because she's a stay at home mom. Getting a job means a) she already needs a chunk of money to get her kids into daycare or hire a babysitter if they aren't old enough, and it means a lot of sudden lifestyle changes that could potentially drive them into poverty. Perhaps not permanent support, though, I'll add that to my original comment and see, maybe support for a period of time is also an idea.

    • @GlamFelix
      No, I'm not playing the "but she's a stay at home mom" and "it's hard paying for daycare" bullshit.

      Get. A. Fucking. Job.

      This isn't the 1950s, it's 2015. I fucking expect a woman to be employed and to be able to pull her weight.

    • I agree with you on the working end. It is, however, generally more difficult for a woman to re-enter the workforce after a period as a stay-at-home parent so temporary alimony can be helpful.

What Girls Said 4

  • I think it's only fair what he came in to the marriage with he leaves with, everything accululated together thereafter split between you both. If there are disagreements, then to sell the items and split the money from the sale (s). Why should you get his grandmother's antique dresser if you two split! Just an example. And remember you're only talking about "what if" stuff. If you don't have reason to divorce, none of this matters. About alimony, protecting yourself means build yourself a nest egg and have a career plan. No guy should have to pay alimony in 2015 unless his spouse was a stay at home mom and she continued to raise the children after separation. Alimony is an old fashioned system that was put in place because women weren't expected to work once upon a time. I'd sign the prenup with your own stipulations added to it. That's how you really protect yourself.

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  • You might want to retain your own lawyer to go over this on your behalf. It would be better than asking random people on the internet. (Except perhaps @OlderAndWiser who has mentioned that he is a divorce attorney).

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  • NO make him split EVERYTHING with you cuz its only fair.

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  • I wouldn't sign it if he makes a bigger tax bracket than u do then buy law if u have been married for so long he has to pay u alimony and rightly so in my opinion also if u have children he should have to pay child support to the fullest potential that the law allows I have been fucked over buy men an its not right so yeah get what u can out of it if he decides to leave u not fair for him to get out Scott free

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