Was the old way of doing things right?

In olden times, at least in asia, marriages were often arranged with the help of the extended family. I notice that today, even with all the education and information, we seem terrible at choosing a mate, particularly for our own selves. Was the old way of doing things better? It sure did seem to work better than this (present state of affairs).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Probably because older people are a lot wiser than young people so they can tell who is good for you or not. Except for the parents who want to keep their grown kids there baby and not let them move on then the parents should not choose.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I mean in keeping a long marriage yeah it was successful. But they were not in love and if they did fall in love that's great. But for those that didn't it was a loveless marriage with the only point being for them to reproduce. And it wasn't like the women could leave because they really had no rights , male superiority. And men, why would they leave it might have brought shame or they were content with the sex and having a women tend to his needs. Which I believe still happens today in some Asian cultures. Male superiority.

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    • if you think the majority of them were not in love you would be mistaken

      pretty much every woman was a virgin in those days the second a man takes a woman's virginity she instanty has a connection and the added part of giving birth also helps and sure most of these marraiges probally would end up loveless but most people died so early back then it worked out quite nicely

      and actually male superiority exists in every part of the world except EU and US

      women being treated as equals is deffinitely the minority still throughout the world

    • If that were true the guy every girl slept with first should be their first love.. That's not practical and then you said that many were loveless so that's kind of contradictory. And she loves the child and yes she would love him for giving her a child but doesn't mean it was a I'm in love with you kind of way. If so married people with kids should all still be together. And yes I realize that but he said Asian culture so I was talking solely about the Asian culture. I've noticed.

    • well girls don't always fall in love with the first guy they sleep with because of how women now days treat sex... since the advent of birth control the social dynamics of sex have greatly changed

      reread what i said about the loveless part you didn't understand what i said

      also again reread what i said about the being married and kids

      also now days most women who give birth have had a few different sexual partners and there are many studies that show the more promiscuous a woman is the more likely she is to fail in long term relationships

  • I don't believe so. I feel like the arranged marriage seemed like it worked because the women were supposed to marry for honor amongst other things. They were supposed to obey their husbands and stay with them no matter what.

    To me it seems like now we find someone we are attracted to and see how it works. Sometimes we think it's real and rush into things. But I personally rather be happy for a while with one person I choose, rather than have someone pick someone I have no feelings for.

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    • I think, with all due respect, you're mixing up European history with the question. Yes, monogamy was an ordained part of Christendom but other parts of the world, like some parts of the East, have had traditional marriages and divorce co-existing for thousands of years.

      Secondly, the parents helping one choose does not necessarily mean that a girl has to be forced to accept it. Its a mutual decision very often, and generally speaking, not one imposed on an unwilling bride.

  • Neither way is especially better. Too many people romanticize past era relationships. The reality is that some were good and some were bad. I've definitely seen long lasting marriages where the couple were miserable, mean, cold, etc.

    Skills like two way communication, conflict resolution, respect for the self and others, handling emotions, etc probably make more of a difference than how people get together.

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What Guys Said 4

  • There's part of the old days that I believe are doing write, while there are definitely some that needs changes

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  • Marriage should be for life, but I think people should have lovers along the way. Especially women. Cuckolding and male chasity devices make a lot of sense to me since as we age, the male sex drive decreases but females can continue to have a strong libido.

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  • No, before there was societal pressure not to separate. Now there isn't.

    What hasn't changed is that no one is taught how to be successful in a relationship, and that people are extraordinarily selfish. Address those two things in education, and you'll see these problems dissipate.

    Except that won't happen, because parents think they know best for their children, and instead start teaching kids things such as the fucking stork, not to trust x-race or y-religion, that sex doesn't exist, believe in God, etc.

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  • well it was nice because it didn't give us the false idea that we'd find the "perfect" mate

    the idea that if you date 5 people that 5th one will just be Perfect! is BS... if you stick around anyone who is up to your standards you will eventually fall in love and there are tons and tons of those people for everyone

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    • great answer. Its so sad that we are just not willing to stick around for each other.

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