Is this expectation reasonable?

I am 28, boyfriend is 33. We've been together for a year and a few months but have been living together for close to 5 months. I am a grad student, he's a professional. I am an international student, he's not. Anyways I graduate at the end of next year. I can possibly stay here, but it will be hard and extremely stressful with visa applications and restrictons. I have been up front and honest with him about these restrictions, and the possiblity I could have to leave either a few months of graduating or the end of the first year.

I have a bad back, really bad. I will need surgery at some point in my life. After I have surgery my pain will decrease but I won't be able to have a child. This is new information to me, and something I always avoiding asking about because having a child is a life long dream for me. At my appointment this morning, I asked what was reasonable in terms of length of time to hold surgery off. He said a few years.

I know that marriage is abotu love, not immigration, and not (will not only about) having children. I get that. But I wondered if the following was reasonable...

* Telling my boyfriend how upset this back surgery issue makes me and that I may not have a lot of child bearing years left.

* Telling him that I don't expect I guarentee, and I know he won't know a time line. But I wondered if he could spend the next few months thinking about whether or not he wants to spend his life with me. As of October we will have lived together for 8 months and I feel like he should at least have an idea? If he doesn't or can't say he feels like that's a possibility, it will hurt me. I could live without him, I just really really really don't want too. But I'll get overi t...

Here's my question, after living together for 8 months is it reasonable that he should have some idea as to if he sees a future with me as possible or not?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, he should be able to know, but now you are basically saying you want to get married and have a kid right away. This would make me hesitant. I understand your situation is terrible, but I would not be ready for those big steps after only a year or so.

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    • Thanks, I more just want an idea. Or a thought of progression. or even to have a talk about another way to have a kid. I get what I am saying, I think I'll maybe stress that its just an idea I am looking for. Because I want those things one day. Its worth the wait, if I feel its coming.

    • Most guys with any common sense want to be with someone who has a career and can contribute to the relationship financially. Starting a family will be expensive and require big financial commitments like a house and car for sure. He probably has no problem having a life with a family with you, but he may want you to finish school and get a career first. I know this path is in conflict with your goals of having a family. I really hope you two can work this out.

What Guys Said 3

  • He should know by now if your the one but as long as he has all the facts about your situation.

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  • I think so,. He should have an idea by now.

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  • yes, it's reasonable. you sound like a very mature-thinking and nice lady

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yes that is reasonable

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  • I would think he should have knew by now like come on its almost a year...

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