My husband wants a fake marriage with another woman. What do I do?

I am so tired of this problem, i don't know what to do. Me and my husband are married for little more than year, from this year he is away for six months, he left to Malaysia trying to settle there and take me to him then. The problem is that he needs visa to stay there and he didn't find any other way than to marry some malaysian girl for that :(
plus he isn't faithful and he told me about that, of course i was hurt and i said i can't stand it and he said he has it like addiction , he needs to be able to be with more than one woman. i said i can't live like this, he promised he will do his best to stop it.
he came back to me for two weeks, i saw some woman calling him many times, sending messages on his mobile, i asked who is that and he said "just someone i know".. i didn't believe that, so in the end he said its kinda "marriage thing" (he is muslim, so its allowed to have more than one wife).. but they r not married officially.. i told him he needs to make her disappear from his life if he wants me, he said "ok, i will"
Now its been 2 days he is back to Malaysia and i asked him if he wants to tell me something he didn't tell me before and be honest.. he said - his plan is still to marry someone from there, he said i dont have to worry about that or think about that, it won't mean he doesn't love me.
I told him i can't stand that, he tries to convince me its okay.. in the end after i said i will leave... he said " i can't force u to stay"
I love him so much and i know he loves me, but he can't stay in his country, he hates it, he needs to get peaceful and comfortable life. it seems even if not with me :( i don't know what to do, i love him but i feel like he use this fact and thinks i will tolerate anything he does.
I am staying in his country (we r from different countries) with his family, they treat me good, but i am thinking just to go back to my country and take a break, give him time to understand what he needs. Or should i just leave for good?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • lol this guy sounds so sleezy. But honestly, i question why you would marry someone who is muslim when you aren't muslim yourself. One of the biggest dividers in a marriage comes about when the two people are of different faiths. Now im only guessing you're not a muslim because of the way you mentioned that your husband was. But even if you are, i find this to be total bullcrap on his part. No guy has an "addiction" to needing to be with multiple women. Its a choice they make for themselves and can stop at anytime. Marrying men like this is a total mistake, because you end up enabling them. My advice to you is to take a stand and NOT put up with his crap on this issue

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    • He keeps telling me its how he used to be before we married and that he tries to change but can't do it all at once. about religion - it is only positive thing as I am close to become Muslim too, and I was like this before we met.. I know this is all crap and I won't put up with this, but I know he has good heart, that's why I tend to give it time, of course if he cares enough

What Guys Said 9

  • It sounds like an awful situation. At the same time it doesn't seem complicated.

    If you were my daughter I'd tell you to leave him, forget him and never look back. You deserve far better. Your next partner should be someone who loves and respects you enough not to cheat on you or have multiple wives--for any reason.

    I wish you the very best. :)

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  • I understand you do not have children yet , right?
    Is he worth the effort?
    What are his families opinion?
    Do you share your dreams and future plans? Did you talk openly about this?
    If he really ended up with marring a second wife, will you be fair to him and her and really try to have a good life?
    Please answer these questions to your self and MAKE your decision. Either way I advise again travelling back to your country to take this "break"as you will only end up more hurt. No one can force you to do a think you do not want, but you SHOULD want the best for you and him.

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    • He says he wants to do that, coz he sees no other way right now. He went there hoping he can get visa, but it didn't work out,,, he spent a lot of money and he can't come back having nothing. plus he hates his country and looking for any way to escape. He says its just temporary and after everything is finished and done we will be together and no other wife.

    • You are not obligated to answer to me. But I think if you did answer my questions to your self you will have a good idea of what is really happening and what is the best thing you can do.
      Good luck.

  • He sounds like a manipulative douche nozzel. I would advocate walking, because it sounds prettty clear that he isn't going to change his behaviour, and it's getting to you.

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  • Save ur phone conversation and texts for awhile documenting this, and divorce the loser, ur young enough to start over

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  • Leave him for good!!! You think he actually loves you? You are more naive than you realize!!! He says it's like an addiction, but he promises that he will stop? That won't happen on his best day!!!

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  • Well I believe you should leave him and let him life his life else were. You sound like such a caring person so I hope for the best.

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  • He is sweet talking you into staying. We are wired to like different women at the same time. Society is the one that has established to stay with one woman. If you want a faithful guy, drop him. He isn't going to change

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  • tell him to fake marry with other guy. see his reaction.

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  • You are Muslim too? Aren't you? Where do you live?

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What Girls Said 9

  • You should leave. That does not sound like a healthy or stable relationship, he clearly has a LOT of issues and you don't deserve to be cheated on (which I'm sure is what he's doing). He can try to justify his behavior as much as he wants but in the end, he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. You can't allow him to have that power over you. Don't let him talk you into doing anything you aren't comfortable with and it's quite obvious that you are not comfortable at all with this situation. I honestly think it's time for you to move on to someone who REALLY loves and respects you.

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  • I don't believe a guy can be addicted to having more than one girl unless they're not faithful and committed to one person. I don't believe you guys are right for one another even though I don't know either of you well enough. It seems like you both want different things and this difference is breaking up your relationship. He wants to live somewhere else than where you probably feel more comfortable living in. On top of that, he has different views in relationship than you do. But you seem sure that you both love one another so perhaps he does love you. Or maybe not. If I was in your shoes, I would leave. I can't stand someone who's not faithful and it seems like your husband doesn't value your relationship as much as you do because of his unfaithfulness. Personally I would leave since on top of that, he doesn't live nearby. But if you truly completely believe in your relationship and believe that you guys could work out your issues, than perhaps you could give him some time to understand what he needs

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  • Divorce him. Not only is he trying to use the other woman but he also cheated on you. You need to let this guy go.

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  • leave him.. you can never b happy with him.. and you will regret wasting your precious years..

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  • Why the? you need to take a break from him.

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  • You have different marriage values, and different lifestyle views. That could never change.

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  • Leave him. Don't overthink.

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  • You don't deserve this, you don't need to put up with this either. Dump his sorry ass.

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  • Ain't nobody got the time to read all that.

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    • Do you have time reading that I commented on your opinion?

    • ... ..

    • I suggest in future if you are unable to give a constructed and courteous comment/opinion, then please do not bother to put one at all.. Thank You.

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