Peer and family pressure about getting married?

As An Asian women who come from traditional minded family, I was expected to be married at the age of early twenties.
Now that my cousin is getting married and so does most of my peers, it feels like I'm getting left behind because I don't or never have a exclusive relationship.
My closest form of being in a relationship was 2 years ago when I got friend zoned by my college mate.
I don't know how to be in a relationship, I think it would take too much effort and commitment to work things out, and I certainly not ready for it.

When I tell people that I'm single they don't believe me, even if they do, they will assume that because I'm too picky, while in fact there's literally no one ever asked me out. Lol

I don't even know how to start relationship, how?
And how to cope with peer pressure of getting married?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm also Asian and in a traditional Asian country.

    Two years ago when i turned thirty i had a lot of 'when are you going to invite us (to your wedding)?' question. The first few months i tried to dodge the answer by joking but it made them think that i'm not taking life seriously (the nerves!). After that i turned to the more hostile answer of 'mind your own business'. Is it rude? Yes. Then why do i do it? Because them trying to control how i live my life is also rude. "I've never cheated on anyone ever; not a drug addict; not an alcoholic; productive; never done time; and not in any financial debt (except maybe credit card bill). Why is that not enough?" This is my justification for my rudeness. I'm a caring friend, loving uncle, adorable brother, and helpful son. What more do you want?

    If they go the 'but a wife will make you better' route, i'd say 'or make me worse'. Both statements are true.

    As for starting a relationship. It involves another person and asking them whether they're interested in a relationship. :D

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    • the first indonesian guy i met here. well hello there ! it's obvious we face the same problem, indonesian people are so KEPO. lol

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    • Well yeah, I do want to get into relationship, but I'm super shy and awkward lol.
      What kinda move you suggest to approach uhmm... Let say my co worker?

    • If you're sure he's single then go straight to asking him out to watch movies. If he says yes without asking you whether it'll be just the two of you then there is a good chance he is interested in you. You can message me for details.

Most Helpful Girl

  • tell them to leave you alone.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Well, at the end of the day coping with the pressure of being married is something you have to figure out. It's your life and only you can live it, no one else, no matter how much they care or want to help, can live your life for you. You have to find solace in the decision you make. If your unhappy about your relationship situations then it is up to you to make the decision today to improve on that aspect of your life. But, if your happy being single and want to focus on other parts of life then that's fine too. The key is that regardless of what you do it should be something you do for yourself and because you want to to do it, not because of what your friends or family say or even what anyone here says (including @Macklin91, yeah I just mentioned myself lol). My mom really wants grandkids and is waiting on her hands and knees for my brother or I to give her one, but I've remained in my stance that I won't be able to do that for her until I finish school. It's my life and that's the way I want it to go, and that won't change no matter how much she brings it up. I hope this works and whatever you decide just trust your own judgement and relax, your only 23 like me and I'm in no hurry to have a family and stuff yet (I still gotta at least go skydiving before that!).

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  • Wow, you are super cute!

    Don't get married just because other people are doing it, or because your family thinks you should be married. If people ask, just say you haven't met the right guy. That's enough. If they keep pushing just keep repeating the same answer.

    Get married when you are asked by someone you want to marry. A bad marriage leads to great unhappiness.

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  • you can tell you parents that you're already married and get a platonic friend of yours to act as your husband... that is what I'm planning to do if my parents will bug me with marriage, ofcourse I will get my friend or girlfriend to act as my wife...

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