How can you tell if a guy doesn't like you or he is just shy?

There is this guy I like and I can tell that he is very attracted to me... so much so that I think I kind of make him nervous. We also connect on an intellectual level as well. I decided that I would ask him out because he is older and it might be weird if he asked me out. He said that going out would be fun, so I let him know when I am free and he never got back to me. I sent him an email and told him merry Christmas and he never replied... I know he is very busy at work right now so I am not sure if it is that or if he is really nervous and maybe I should have just set a time and seen if it worked for him... or maybe he doesn't really want to go out. I am not sure what to do. Do I wait for him to say something to me and kind of ignore him for a while? Do I just send him and email and say hey what about we do something together Friday and go from there?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd give it a little time to see if he responds, usually though it would be a bit odd to start a message with specifics like times or days. The first message is to get a feel for if he is interested in seeing you in some way (be that as friends or on a date). If you've already sent 2 messages I'd leave it a week. Then if there's nothing coming your way you might want to either A. leave it (probably for the best) of B. send another message to try and get a response or catch him in person and pose the question casually then.

    • Thanks! Do you think he might have expected me to set a time and day... since he is nervous? I am not sure what to think... I figure I'll wait a couple weeks and if he doesn't say anything I'll send him an email a couple days and advance and say remember that coffee... what about friday or something like that!

    • I wouldn't have thought he'd expect a set time and date in the original message no.What you are suggesting there would be fine to move forward with though, if you get nothing back from that email then he is definitely not worth worrying that much about. If he comes back to you fine, he's showing an interest of sorts and you can judge that as you see fit.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I agree what lushnight responded with. Also, if you have his number don't be afraid to call him! He might have seen your email, but forgot to reply to it (since you mentioned he's busy with work). Just don't overdue it with text messages or emails...he might begin to think that you're stalkerish when you really aren't and you don't want to build that kind of image if you really like him.

    Good luck with future endeavors! - link

    • Thats what I was thinking! I wasn't sure what to do because I don't want him to think I am trying to hard! I just like him and want to hang out, but I don't want to bother him! lol...


  • he might just be busy, or he is shy or not interested. hard to tell.

    try proposing a time and place to do something and see what he says.

    do it in person if possible. I am not sure in what context you see this guy, but maybe act excited to plan something next time you see him.

    • Good Advice! Thanks! I figure I will wait awhile to see if he contacts me and then if not I will try to set something up and see where it goes from there! lol

What Girls Said 2

  • hun you seem more eager to meet him thna he is to you. I don't want you to pursue him lay low for a bit not give him the cold shoulder but look at your horizon , be more male friendly lol meaning friends in college I guess nothing dirty let him pursue you.

    • Thanks!! I just heard he has an ex that keeps trying to pursue him and he keeps trying to brush her off and she is not taking the hint so I think that might be why he is hot and cold... I don't know tho

  • I think you have the right to go ahead or call him definitely. Given that you have already asked him out and he accepted - it's totally ok for you to follow that up with a phone call (don't text) and ask "so what about that date..." He has already sort of committed to going out with you. I know a guy exactly like this - and he may be so into a girl he just doesn't know what to do. He always waits for her to make the move and he can frequently be quite confusing in exactly the same way you describe here. Talk to him - don't text, and give it a chance.