Why did my wife made me wait till marriage if she's now refusing intimacy with me?

She wasn't virgin but supposely found it important and cared about doing it the right way after a few failed relationships. I had been ready since my HS years and well when I knew we were going to date a year more, it made me more sexually frustrated.

We got married by Now of last year (it was then my first time, I was already 26) but ever since April or so, our intimacy has decreased to once-twice a week (sometimes only once). Plus, she now avoids the topic of kids. She's been acting strange, as not being herself anymore and kind of distant.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • ... sit her down and talk to her. She made you wait and now she's backing out on it. NO ONE should limit your happiness like this. If it is really an issue and something you want (esp the kids) and she still won't listen, I would personally leave her. No one is stopping me from having a son in the future. If my boyfriend at some point says he doesn't want any kids, I'll just tell him he must not want me in his life anymore. Only one who can hinder my happiness is myself. Don't settle for someone who doesn't care about your happiness. I wish you well.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • And this is why you don't wait until marriage. Sexual compatibility is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to a happy long term relationship.

    I'm so sorry you had to find this out the hard way. Divorce the bitch. Now. No matter what it takes, get out. If you don't, you are condemning yourself to a life of frustrated misery... or being driven to cheat and then you get a divorce except she'll have the upper hand.

    I love how she made her past your problem like that. She had no problem giving it up for random jerks in the past but the man who was to be her husband she's frozen out.

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    • I'm hiring a PI sometimes later today and will start gathering evidence. I told my younger sister, male cousin and friend and in their opinion, they think she isn't only cheating but has been for the longest, even during the whole time I was waiting.

What Girls Said 6

  • Ok this is one thing I can't understand with women or men after they get married.
    Its not only your body no more, its also your husband and wifes. If you expect somebody to spend the rest of their life faithfully and committed and hapoy with you, then you better satisfy his/her needs, even on days when you dont feel like it

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    • But yes, couple counsellig is necessary in your case. She needs to understand how you feel and work on it

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    • And i feel like you made a mistake as well. Never wife a suspicious party girl.

    • Ok I've been thinking and i think you REALLY definitely have to get a private detective. I dont feel like she cares about you, or her marriage, maybe she even wants you to divorce her and get some cash out of it. She might even be meeting her lover every night and thats why she's out, all dressed up. But even "just" partying is a no no. I feel like she is cheating since she refuses you sexually! Im really strict with divorce but in your case, it see, s legit. And im sorry that you made a mistake and were blindly in love. Getting married taked a clear mind my friend, and if your family doesn't like her either, it should have alarmed you. Never marry unless you're 100% sure about the women you're with, but yes, shell take all of your money, if you dont get evidence that she's cheating (which im sure she is)

  • I believe this can be a two way thing. I mean, have you complimented her, thanked her for the small things? I know it sound stupid or boring, but that's how we work, we need that to keep moving, it's like motivation for us to do anything with you guys
    But I still think once a week is cool for a married couple, but since you don't have kids, yeah, it should be more maybe, but try to give more attention to her, and if you see that she doe not want kids right now, then don't push it, this is a important and hard decision that needs to be discussed and agreed by both parties.

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    • I've tried everything. I knew my first time wasn't that great and try improving each day. I still feel something isn't adding up. She keeps claiming she's tired but she doesn't seem tired for her hang-out. She's been going to parties more often since June. Right now I'm left home alone and wasn't invited.

      I have a feeling something isn't right. If it's true then this would mean my friend, cousin (both guys) and younger sister were all right. They were against my marriage and never liked her.

    • You know, sometimes we get blind in the beggining of relationships, and people from outside can see the reality. I guess you should talk to her, because this is not normal I guess. I'm not married or anything, but when I am, I want to be with my husband when I'm around my friends and things like that. Of course there are places you guys you go by yourselves, but not like, parties. I think you should talk to her.
      some women, because of society pressure, just want to get married, because all her friends are getting married and things like that. Try to work this out, and remember, divorce is never the first option man, try to fix it by talking to her openly about this. I'm sorry if I said something not so fun to read :(

    • I'm hiring one sometime later today and will be gathering evidence. I told my younger sister, male cousin and friend about it. They all think she's cheating.

  • She might just be thinking that she's not ready to have kids yet. Don't sweat man. Honestly its till healthy to have sex at least once a week

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    • It used to be every single day and she didn't use to go to parties too much. Now it's like she changed. I'm starting to feel something isn't right.

    • Just talk to her. I mean just tell her you have a feeling something is up and that you don't feel right about it and just ask her whats up cause it may just be stress from work or some family problems.

  • Once or Twice a week is a LOT!!! You should be happy with that.

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    • But she has time to partying a lot and tired for me? I'm not happy that I've waited that long, forever to even get a girl intested in me (was even a nearly 25 year-old virgin at the time), only to not only get declined for sex but now seems like doesn't sound interest in kids, her behavior has changed and she's out partying. I'm suppose to be happy about that?

    • and she's even partying around? You have already been cucked, sorry.

  • ask her. we dont know i promise.

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    • Everything I have pointed out how things aren't like before and how she's been acting distant as well as our lack of intimacy, she makes excuses of being tired and now I'm imagining things or nagging too much. I'm not. I'm noticing all that. She sometimes creates arguments and it wasn't like this before.

    • its called the honeymoon stage is over and her true colors are coming out

    • I really didn't see that coming. I thought she was the right one.

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    • LOL. That's gold.

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    • true, I guess I wasn't thinking. Now I'm starting to wonder how much right was my younger sister, cousin and close friend (both guys). They would express their own dislike towards her from the beginning (they still don't like her) and I went against their wishes of marrying her.

      There is something that's also been concerning me. I'm currently now left alone while she's out partying with a couple friends. Once again, I'm wasn't invited.

    • @Asker Love makes us blind. And stubborn as hell. It's hard to believe that the person you love or think you love has flaws or in any way evil. I have no right to tell you what to do or not to do, all I can give is advice. And I say: you should reevaluate your life now while it's still early. Don't be one of those dumb shmucks who forces something that wasn't meant to be. Because something really good might pass you by while you're too busy wasting your time with someone who isn't worth it. 😊 Just some food for thought.

What Guys Said 18

  • This is why it's a bad deal to wait until marriage because if you had known about it beforehand, then you may not have married her. Intimacy problems are a huge reason people break up and why it makes sense to deal with that kind of stuff before getting married. Do I have this right: you started dating her at 18 and didn't have sex with her until 26 years old when you got married? Dude... I can't even imagine the disappointment you must be feeling right now. You can't settle for being unhappy and if your WIFE is going out partying without you, then it's a problem.

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    • i read some of your responses and wow, you need to have a serious discussion or it's time to end things. You cannot waste your time with someone who doesn't want to be intimate and have kids. You're still young enough to find another woman really quickly too.

    • No, I was single when I was 18 and I've been forever dateless, having no luck in the dating world; always was kind of shy too. She met me when I was a month shy of my 25th b-day and I lost it the following year after we got married, right on that night. That's my only secret she still doesn't know. Off course I was both happy marrying the woman I loved who was finally interested in me (so that's what I thought) and losing my v-card... it was driving me towards depression having no luck and well I always wanted to lose it in the right way.

  • Get an appointment for the two of you with a couple counselor and see if that helps. they are pretty good at helping couples find what problems exist and how to solve them.

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  • Confront her immediatley. This is unfair to you, you did as she requested and she is now refusing to uphold her end of the agreement. If she refuses to change then you should divorce her, it seems like she is using you to get what she wants and that won't end well for you. If she won't change your only choices will be to be miserable with her, or divorce her.

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    • I did and she thinks I'm imagining things, that things haven't change and I'm making a big deal out of it. She keeps giving excuses that she's tired. Now I'm left alone. She went out partying with friends again and I wasn't invited.

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    • @Blackjack_ I concurr. Marriage is suppost to be a good thing at its become less then good here.

    • Hey I found this site, maybe it might help: http://www.spyassociatesblog.com/tag/infidelity/
      Good luck.

  • You know how some dudes will lie and tell a woman they love her just so they can get in her pants?

    Yeah, it kinda sounds the opposite might have happened to you, man.

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    • I'm not feeling good at all. It's already 1:34 am and she still hasn't come home from her party hang-out. She's been lately going to parties and coming home late like at 2pm.

      I'm starting to feel something isn't right. She's tired for sex but not tired to go out and not invite me.

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    • spoke with my younger sister, male cousin and friend about it. All of them not only think she's cheating but now they're saying she probably has been from even the beginning.

    • even during the time I've waited.

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    • seriously tho, I'd divorce her before you're really trapped.

      Dude you waited until marraige fir a girl who had already had sex with other guys outside of marriage (some probably on the first date) You're the sap that waited, tool her on dates, moved in with her, bought her a ring and agreed to devote your life to her and now you're lucky if she wants to have sex with you once a week meanwhile her previous partners didn't have to do any of the things you did and probably got sex daily.

      Also the anon 36-45 male opinion owner could be right. She might get pregnant by another man and pass it off as yours.

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    • I do. She's only been working as a part-time waitress for a couple months. I don't mind if she works or not but she's not living to what she promised. During our engagement, she would say that once she was pregnant, she would become a stay-at-home mother.

    • Well this is your life not mine and to be honest I really don't feel comfortable telling you what you should do but from what I'm hearing it sounds bad. I feel like she settled for you because you offer her stability but she doesn't really find you attractive or exciting and you settled for her because you were desperate for female affection.

      if you're genuinely satisfied and trust her stay. If you're not genuinely satisfied and feel like she might cheat on you then maybe consider divorce.

  • You, my friend, have been sucked in by her false advertising.

    Divorce her. Divorce her now before kids are involved. This is not the woman you thought you were marrying.

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    • This sucks. It would mean that it all was for nothing. I was happy in the beginning when I started dating her, as she was the only woman that showed interest in me. Before her, I would always be depressed every time I would see my friends with their gfs or a couple of them with kids already.

      Though I got my wish of having a woman in my life, having sex but it's like I feel empty all over again. I guess all that waiting was for nothing. Right now I'm home alone while she's out partying with a couple friends. Once again I'm wasn't invited.

    • Well... if she's out, that means there's more time for you to break the news to your family, get their support and start looking for a lawyer. It sucks dude, but you need to do what needs to be done.

  • Talk to her gently bro; a decent way of talking can open any door towards to laddies' hearts ;) <3 I hope you can resolve ur problem; marriage is difficult; anything can change after marriage, I am single; never married but as i see from marriages around me, respect and talk is the 2 mere way to solve anything :)

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  • You may be doing something that is lessening her attraction to you:
    thematinggrounds.com/what-are-women-attracted-to/

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  • So waiting until marriage really works then...

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  • she's not sexually attracted to you and she's with you to materially provide her. You are a beta provider. Eventually you'll get cheated on (if not yet) and you may end with divorce, losing 50% of material possession and possible kids.

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    • I guess. I had no luck at all in the dating world prior to her and when she gave showed interest in me, I was really surprised. Even I started started wondering what does an outgoing pretty girl sees in a shy, average in looks, computer technician.
      All I ever wanted was to lose my v-card in the right way, a woman in my life and have a child.

    • i think this perfectly captures your sitution: 3. bp. blogspot (dot) com/-8aGJN_iQu1s/VQL6jfNGYUI/AAAAAAAAANg/TKgctUQAJRQ/s1600/cartoon21. jpg

      I would like to know what is your profession and how would you describe your material and social status?

  • She traded commitment for sex (she is pretty much a prostitute) and isn't very attracted to you, a lot of women do it. I am guessing though, this may not be the case with you and her.

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    • Reading further, yes i am pretty sure she is a whore that tricked you into marriage, if you aren't financially tied, divorce her.

  • Try to talk to her about it, suggest going to couples counselling. In the mean time be extremely nice to her and start talking to your lawyer quietly, and going over your prenup. Just in case.

    Also, hire a PI, to keep tabs on her in case she is cheating. If you can check her browser history, etc. It is either something that happens to a lot of married couples and can be fixed, or she is a gold digging slut and you need to be ready to deal with her.

    I am hoping you signed a prenup? I hope that its air tight, what are the conditions? Hopefully there is some kind of infidelity clause?

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  • Sound like she tricked you into marrying her. Do you have a lot more money than her or something else that makes her life way easier?

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    • It really does sound like she's cheating on you but hopefully that's not the case.

    • I'm going to contract a PI by sometimes later today. I now seriously think she's cheating and there something isn't right.

  • She's the ultimate troll. No matter what you're ****ed for life whether you stay together or leave. Just one of the reasons I'll never get married.

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    • Even when I signed a prenup?

    • Depends on the conditions of the prenup. They are fairly easy to get invalidated nowadays.

  • I think she fooled and tricked you into marriage.. this is WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER DATE A GiRL WHO WANTS TO WAIT TILL MARRIAGE !

    She tricked you and now you sex life is suffering!
    I think you should talk to her that your sex life is not good and you want more sex..
    If she refuses to do anything about it then you should either divorce her or cheat on her.. And get sex from someone else

    Its not your fault that she tricked you... you deserve all the sex you want!

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    • And by the way she wasn't a virgin.. so she has no right to make you want to wait till marriage and now refuse you sex..

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    • Well ya do that and its a good thing you have signed a prenup... the prenup will keep you away from any financial disaster

      And never fall for shit like that again!
      you are just a atm machine for her the way she treats you..
      Find a nice, well educated girl and a girl who loves you and will sex with you before marriage..
      Dont fall for that wait for marriage crap.. ever again

    • And dont tell her that you are divorcing her... surprise her

  • She probably was never that keen on sex, waiting for marriage was an excuse, and now that you've bought the cow she's stopped milking.

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    • That would mean she wasted my time. She's tired for sex and makes excuses and yet she doesn't seem tired for her hang-outs. While I'm here home alone, she's out partying with friends and returns like at 2am.

  • People say sex starts early in the morning. You have to make her want you ever since you wake up and keep building the tension till at night

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  • That's called "getting suckered."

    She'll eventually fuck another man to get pregnant, then have sex with you to pass it off as yours. Calling it now.

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    • Wow that would be so cruel. I always wanted a woman that accepts and loves me. I waited because I thought she was the one. I guess it doesn't help too much that I had no experience in the dating world prior to meeting her.

    • Just read your conversation with Blackjack.

      Dude, you are getting played big time. Parties out with friends? She's out looking for hookups, and her friends are all encouraging her along--they know what's happening and you're being played a fool.

      Obviously you don't have evidence, but do yourself a favor. Just end things. You don't need to put yourself through this crap.

    • If you want, Do hire a PI so you can bring evidence to a divorce, it may cost you less in the long run, on second thought.

      DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER. Can't emphasize that enough. If she gets pregnant, you will have a slam dunk case against her. (and plus, she will use it to manipulate you).

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