My husband and I both pay for our separate bills and split the other costs. I have always made more money than him and mostly paid a bigger portion of the bills. After I had our baby I was depressed going back to work so soon and leaving her at two months. I was out of the house 14 hours a day because of commuting and being away from the baby so long gave me major depression, but he kept telling me not to quit because we have lots of bills.
Finally, I left work knowing I'd get unemployment, which I have now but when I first left he was mad, thinking he'd have to support us on his own. Even if I did need his support, isn't that what a husband should want to do? I have never depended on him financially but I want to know that I can, if the time ever comes. What should I do, this bothers me.
Most Helpful Guy
What you guys had in the first place does not sound like any marriage I know of. It sounded more like two individuals sharing a place to live. What the hell is that crap about each paying their own stuff and splitting other costs? Especially with you paying most of the split stuff. When I got married I had a job and she was moving to be with me, so it was a while before she had an income. When she did, her money went into the same back account as mine and we paid the bills out of that and used money as needed from that for whatever we needed, either together or individually. It was "ours". None of the "hers" and "mine" crap. When we had our kids, she left work to care for them till they were old enough to socialize at a day care, or when we were on different shifts, we alternated being at home with our children.
So I see your biggest problem as being the concern of "whose" money it is. You two are supposed to be a team.
Next was you working a job that required such a long commute. Quality time with your children is more important than spending hours on a commute, even if the job you get pays less.
If you two cannot change the basis of your marriage, it will not last. You should probably invest in a few hours of couples counseling to straighten your relationship out.7
Most Helpful Girl
I read this and my first thought went to that of my friends who got married over a year ago. They did the same things... he paid for his bills, and she paid for hers and the only joint thing they paid for was their mortgage and never were the three finances to cross. Sure enough something happened with her health and instead of trying to help her out with the bills during that dire time, he insisted they have separate bills despite her footing some major expenses for him that he'd had when he'd been temporarily out of work. They are getting divorced now. Marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word. There is no I once you get married, its we... as in, we pay our bills together. This is never more true then when it comes to YOUR kids. You didn't have them by yourself, did you? He's their father right? At the very least, he is completely obligated to helping pay for their care which seems to have alluded his mind. It's shame you're going through this especially as you deal with depression which can be really serious. I would suggest having a really long talk about your finances, your health, your kids, the whole lot because you shouldn't be living like two single roommates living together b/c you're not.1