Me and my girl have been together for almost 2 years. I proposed 5 months ago and we are waiting to finish out another year before we get married. When we first started dating she had dependency issues and PTS from her ex boyfriend who was verbally abusive and controlling. He stalked us for 6 months, showing up at our place and watching us through windows, hacking our emails, following us every time we move. She had a hard time letting him go because of her dependency issues and he would always threaten to kill himself if she didn't call him everyday. After she was able to get over all that things have been smooth. The guy left us alone after I got the cops involved, We have no problems whatsoever relationship wise, although the things he said to both of us still haunt us. He told me to never trust her and that she cheats a lot, and he told her that I was going to act like him and control her. Blah blah blah. We are both Madly in love now, engaged, living together, and things are perfect. The only thing, I fear putting my foot down because I don't want her to think I'm becoming him. a few days ago one of the girls she dated for a day in high school emailed her about how she was the best she ever had etc. I got offended...asked her to delete her or send her a message saying its rude to send an engaged friend something like that...The other week she accepted a friend request from one of her old flings (she was with him for 6 months) as a friend on MySpace. I felt uncomfortable because the guy has photos on his page where he is half naked and he looks like a male model. She sometimes tells me she missed being his friend, and I've noticed that she looks at his photos on MySpace when I'm not around. I didn't say anything because I'm chill, but yesterday he commented on one of her photos then left a message on her page asking to see her titties then talked about a birthday cake she got him when they were dating. I got really offended even if it was a joke and demanded her to delete him. I know that part of a relationship is accepting someones past, and learning to overcome small things like this, but I hate putting my foot down, and I'm wondering why she even adds these people. I bitched in a calm way, told her that we need to make a promise to not add or talk to our exes because so far, all of hers are NUTTS. My question is, am I over reacting? She agreed and deleted him, complained a little...But why? I removed my exes a long timee ago out of respect.
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This is a very complicated relationship by the sound of it, and I think the best course of action is to simply just talk it all out. Let her know how you feel and make her understand that you love her and won't do anything to hurt her.
It seems like any other relationship, its has its ups and downs, and the best course of action is probably just being straight forward and honest with her. I know it might be hard, but it sounds like she loves you and you shouldn't take that for granted (by the sound of it, I know you won't. You seem like a respectable guy.)
However, if this seems to be becoming a problem, you probably should consider outside help like a therapist or a couple's counselor. I wish you good luck and hope everything turns out right.1