Is there an age/point where you'd give up on finding someone you LOVE and settle for someone kind, attractive, intelligent, successful?

If you had looked for years and years and couldn't find anyone you actually loved?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What is love to you? Why do people always search for that lustful spark. Lust doesn't last. You know what lasts love. But love changes. It becomes a compatibility, companionship, comfort, friendship, trust, loyalty, and commitment. How do people be friends for years then suddenly realise they love each other? Some people find it straight away! Love is what you make it and how open you are to it. The sad thing is people take love for granted and use that smooth old phrase that they love someone they're just not in love anymore. If you want to be in love all the time you gotta keep dating that person, personally I believe if you open your heart you can love someone with those qualities you listed easily. It's not settling sounds to me like raising the bar from the time wasters and heart breakers

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    • Sure.. in arranged marriages sometimes people grow to love each other.

    • That's very true. I don't think there's any right or wrong way it just happens as its meant to :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • As you get older, I don't think giving up is the right words. Your priorities just change as you get older. Other things become more important. Look at older widows and widowers. It's pretty common for them to get married just for companionship in their later years. They are looking for companionship and compatibility. There is nothing saying that relationships have to be about love. There are lots of other legitimate reasons. Even with youth who are in love, there has to be more.

    Thinking of "settling" for something other than love is just a wrong way of thinking of it. Settling implies there is something wrong with it, when there is not.

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What Girls Said 9

  • If I were nearing 30-35 because of the desire to child bear and have a family.. As a female

    I'd settle possibly but hopefully that doesn't happen

    Surly not any sooner because there's still college and grad school plenty of time to meet others..
    At age 25,26, ... "Not settling"

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    • Even though realistically it's not that easy to just settle unless you come from culture where arranged marriage exist

      "I don't", so basically.. I better look hard.. Or end up alone

  • If they were kind, attractive, intelligent and successful... what's not to love?

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    • why don't you accept messages?

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    • We're both anon - feel free to explain here. :D Other people may have additional tips, too. I generally read the comments before I answer.

    • if I give you my SN will you msgm e?

  • Maybe 35 - 36?

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  • I don't think it is about giving up , I just think the older you get and more life experiences you go through it changes the criteria and the needs that you look for In finding love. Things you thought were important in your 20's maybe trivial in your 30's and so on. I don't think the desire to love and to find love ever goes away. I think you just get wiser and more careful of who you let in.

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  • I don't believe in love. I'd be okay with someone intelligent, funny and somewhat attractive if we were compatible.

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  • It usually happens when you aren't looking. Don't ever settle.

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  • 32-35
    if i didn't marry at that age i would prefer to stay single forever

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  • Nah, I would just stay single.

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  • I'm really close to that point, who wants to settle down with me?

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What Guys Said 12

  • If I settled, I'd never really be happy. At worst, I'd be angry and the relationship would go down in flames. At best, I'd just get used to it. It would be a comfort zone of feeling like crap. I'd be with someone but feel just as alone as when I was single. I'd look out the window and wish things had gone differently. I'd just get too tired to fight it, and I'd lose my inspiration to do almost anything. I'd probably just laze my way down to just drinking and playing video games. I can't settle because I don't want that kind of life, I have to do better than that to feel like I didn't lose.

    I don't want to settle but at this point I'm not sure what else I can do.

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  • I think you shouldn't have looked for someone you "loved" in the first place and settled for a kind, attractive, intelligent, successful lady. I mean, if i was given the choice, i'd accept the lady literally right now. After all, "love" won't stick around for decades to come.

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  • Not for me. I will look for love until I find it.

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  • It all depends on you and where you live. Sometimes the dating pool isn't that big an you don't want to move to another pond.

    Compatibility is more important in life than love. It is extremely rare to find true love despite what movies and media may tell you. But if you are compatible with someone your relationship has a much high chance to survive.
    even if you think you love someone if you aren't compatible then it will strain the relationship.

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    • I know it is rare. It's sad

  • How could you consider being with someone who is kind, attractive, intelligent, successful settling? Are those not the qualities that most people if not all want in someone? I thought they were.

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    • My point is... if you LIKE the person a lot but don't LOVE them.

  • i gave up 2 years ago.

    I like my single life. i feel free.

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  • Never. If I couldn't find someone I loved, I would live alone.

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  • I don't want to settle for someone who doesn't love me back.

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  • I am sad to say that's what happens in 99% of all marriages. After all true love was invented by the poets of the 19th century.

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  • Then, you end up cheating because you settled and you're miserable. Your spouse/partner will pick up on this... and may cheat on you. This is usually the path to pure fucking hell...

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    • Um, no? That's why it is a vow. An honorable person does not violate it.

    • They may not violate it, but it doesn't mean it's a good thing. My parents were married for 50 years, and it was complete hell. My mom would always say that she was "upholding her end of the deal." Kids have to live through that lie too!

  • I think I am about to get there. I have no reason to believe that I will find someone who fits your description. You are younger than I am though, there is still hope for you.

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  • I gave up at 28. I was doing fine with women, but I got so turned off with dating today that I just stopped.

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    • how so?

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    • Dude. No.

    • Why,,,

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