Is there just as many happy and successful relationships/marriage as there are bad ones?

One of my friend found out his wife was having an affair which although I'm single it scares me for the future. So I googled bout affairs (mostly as men being the victim being bias towards myself I'm sure it goes both ways if not guys cheat more statiscticly).

i wonder are modern relationship/marriage doomed to infidelity or is it that people like to talk/post stories about negative relationships instead of how great and loyal their marriage is?

  • Happy and loyal relationships are under reported
    65% (31)41% (19)53% (50)Vote
  • Marriage/relationships have a high failure rate
    17% (8)52% (24)34% (32)Vote
  • Eventually we all find some one we would never hurt
    18% (9)7% (3)13% (12)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have plenty more examples in my own life of healthy and successful relationships than unhealthy ones. I think it comes down to the people getting into the relationship, how they view relationships, and how committed they are to one another. Two emotionally unstable people getting into a relationship is a recipe for disaster. Two people getting married who really aren't ready for that kind of commitment is a recipe for failure. Two people getting together who have different ideas about what makes a relationship good is a recipe for failure. However, when two emotionally stable, mature adults enter into a relationship that is entirely of choice rather than convenience or necessity, and they choose their partner each and every day, and they have similar values and complementary personalities, THAT is when you see a successful relationship and, ultimately, a successful marriage.

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What Girls Said 11

  • It does seem to me like cheating is a very common thing... unfortunately. You should just remind yourself that not everyone is the same and not all people cheat. If you find the right person for you, they should treat you with respect and be faithful to you.

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    • My response exactly! I agree.

    • @aamina_m seems from reading a lot of people's stories. A very few first marriages last and most people's 2nd or even third are their best. Guess trial and error

    • Yes unfortunately a lot of people marry out of fear of being alone... I know most people I know married just to settle... so it's kind of sad.

  • I believe there is and my parents are my example of that but people don't want to tell you about the happy things, only the bad. However, just because there's negativity around relationships / marriage doesn't mean they are all that way because they are not. So, you just have to look for the couples who are happy and have been together awhile to show you that good successful relationships/ marriages do happen, you just have to make an effort if you want anything to actually work.

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    • Well I hope since I'm older (28 in December). I'll be much older and wiser when I get to that stage hopefully

    • Yeah. I understand this dating world is scary place but not all relationships that end were even right to start with, so don't let the negative ones make you lose sight of the good ones.

  • 50% of marriages are successful and the people are happy for the rest of their lives :)

    it's the exact same statistic as 50% of marriages end in divorce, but why do we listen to the negative side more? why is that affect your opinion of marriage more than when it is said the other way round?
    sure, some marriages don't work, perhaps because those people got married for the wrong reasons. a lot of people are stupid and i dont think the overall statistic should define what you think will happen to you... there are a lot of idiots out there...

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  • I can only talk about my tight circle of friends and what we believe to be true about our marriages. My boyfriend's ex-wife left him for another man. I'm divorced, too, but my husband and I were loyal to each other. All of my other close friends are happily married and confident that their spouses are loyal. I think wounded people just have more need to talk about their experiences than those who are happy in their relationships.

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    • The constant negative posts and stories made me think... they are all like that

  • Well, it's true that marriage and relationships have a high failure rate, but it's also because a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons and/ or before they should. Plus, marriage doesn't mean the same thing today as it did fifty years ago. Marriage used to mean financial security and a decent foundation to raise kids on. Now, we have so many single-parent families that it's become the norm and since both partners of the marriage typically work, there isn't as much of a drive to get married for those reasons. Marriage now means choosing a partner to be with for life, regardless of finances or family, and the idea of eternity scares a good number of people (myself included). If you want your marriage to last, you either have to reconcile what it truly means first and, if you already have, you need to make sure that your partner understands the same thing. You should also both continue to put effort into the relationship even after marriage. Nothing is worse than being married to someone who doesn't give two flying fucks that you dressed up for them and they just want to stay on the couch watching Netflix.

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  • People pay more attention to negative things in general.

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  • You know thats what I always thought too. My dad had an affair before and people we knew had affairs. So dometimes I would think why get into a relationship if your only going to get hurt. Like in movies they always have the perfect romance but sometines its hard for me to believe it. The only diffrence its that past generations didn't get divorced they worked it out. Also we aren't perfect.

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  • People who cheat have issues.

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  • Divorce rates are 50% so I think it's equal

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  • I was scared because everyone said it was impossible to have a happy marriage especially with my husbands career but we have an amazing relationship and I wouldn't change it for the world it can work.

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  • I think they are under reported. People who have time to post about their negative relationships are either newly single or not spending that extra time as quality time with their partner.

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What Guys Said 16

  • My first marriage failed for two reasons.
    - I chose poorly.
    - She cheated on me.

    But...

    That I'd not the whole story...

    The week my divorce became final, I joined eHarmony. Seven months later, I met a lovely woman. She is my perfect match, exactly who I need a mate to be. We were married 9 years ago in June. These have been, unquestionably, the happiest years of my life.

    So...

    Is my story sad because my first marriage ended in infidelity?

    Or...

    Is my story happy because I found the love of my life?

    Standards are high for marriage in the modern era. People rely on their spouses for much of their emotional and social support. Having such high standards produces wonderful marriages like my second one. Having high standards also does not allow me to tolerate bad bahavior that may have been overlooked in times past.

    The high quality marriages today are as good if not better than marriages have ever been. The desire and expectation of such marriages results in a marginally higher marriage failure rate. As in all things on the Internet, YMMV.

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    • I'm sorry and I'm happy your doing great. I've never been cheated on so I'm glad I've never felt that sad feeling of anguish

  • I know how you feel (I have a cousin who was cheated on and a coworker who was cheated on, both men) I would say that its common to hear because people need to talk about it and I think its more common now because of the whole "sexual revolution" idea that sex is just sex and there is no reason to hold back/be ashamed of anything mentality that our society has created. That however does not necessarily mean its common just more so then previously (the fact that there is no consequence for it legally or socially as there was before doesn't help).

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  • I think it depends on where you live. I'm from croatia, but i live in america and i can tell you all the shit every country says about americans being dimwits is true. Majority of them are ignorant and cheating is very common. (at least in my generation) but my parents and all my aunts and uncles have all been happily married for like 20 years+. maybe its not the location, but just the newer generations. anyway it scares me too. divorce is one of my biggest fears

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    • Yeah it's just well as a man "bread winner" all that time, money and effort wiped away due to infidelity/divorce

  • People always report the negative. It gets ratings and viewers and attention. No one glorifies doing what you should do, because it is what you should be doing. I mean, just watch the news for 20 minutes, you would think the world is gonna end. Yeah, a good portion of marriages fail. Why? Because people don't take relationships seriously anymore.

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  • What are the benefits of marriage for men? Why get married? You can be in a relationship; if she cheats, stick to your constitution ( AKA grow some balls) and dump that bitch! Ideally, when you are successful and confident, women will flock towards you.

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    • A lot of men have kids and don't want to either not see them as often or not have their mother around

  • most marriages are going to be bad ones. just using simple mathematics we can do this right now. so 50% of marriages lead to divorce. so right there its 50 50 now if you think the other 50% are good marriages then that's silly likely there are some of those marriages that are dysfunctional and have good liars. so there is obviously less good marriages formed then bad ones.

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  • Problems get attention, things that are working get ignored.

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  • Just be polyamorous like me :)

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  • There is more unhappy marriages than there are happy ones, certainly.
    That should not stop you from trying if you believe in something like that though.
    But I would expect at least one divorce in life, per average.

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  • 70% of marriages end in divorce. 75% of divorces are initiated by women.

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    • Scale down your numbers there, buddy. It's 40-50 percent. More of a coin toss than anything.

  • divorce rate is 50/50, not all divorced marriages are as bad as they seem and not all lasting marriages are as good as they seem, it's a conscious decision to make marriage work because attractions do fade, it's really what you make of it

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    • What I've heard is to always date your wife. Treat her as your always dating and not get complacent

  • Eventually we all find some one we would never hurt ;)

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  • There are sharks in the ocean as well as fish.

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  • I guess so. Personally, I do not believe in monogamy.

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    • In marriage or relationships?

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    • I have nieces and nephews in your age group. All of them (8) have married. Two of those have divorced. Of those two, one has remarried.

      Eight happy marriages in 10 attempts is not a bad average.

    • Math error...

      7 happy marriages in 9 attempts is not a bad average.

  • I see marriage like a video game. The good games aren't necessarily the ones with happy endings they're the ones that are enjoyed the most. I think we put far to much emphasis on staying together instead of enjoying each other. I also think many have a problem with prespective in general. For example if I had a fun time on a date but never get to go on a second date people would treat the whole experience as a failure but it wasn't. That would be like saying Disneyland was crap because you only got to go there once. This culture we live in that praises the long lasting as successful in my opinion is doing more harm than good. So infidelity is a risk of long relationships but it doesn't have to be such a fear inducing experience. Why not simply embrace that life is difficult and occasionally less than enjoyable things can happen. Somethings may drastically change your life and some will simply fade away into a distant memory. That's just the way life works. So instead of putting so much emphasis on that potential rough spot that may end things, or be completely irrelevant, or not even happen at all why not just enjoy the good moments as much as possible. Actually live life instead of spending your time in a really crappy version of imagination land.

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  • I suppose it depends on how you define a happy marriage. For me, that definition is as simple as asking one or both people, "If you had it to do over again, would you get married to the same person?" If the candid answer is yes, that's a success. There are no hard statistics, but based on my experiences and interactions, I would say that, at most, 5% of all marriages are truly successful and happy partnerships. The rest range from "we just put up with each other" to outright filing for divorce.

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    • Guess the type of marriage where you wake up next to each other with no regrets as if you two were each other best friends and lovers

    • Lovers, most definitely. Best friends, I don't agree with that aspect. I have a best friend already, and we knew each other long before I met my girlfriend. My best friend and I interact very differently from the way my girlfriend and I interact.

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