Why are women surprised if their partner cheats on them if she's not willing to have sex with him for a long period of time, despite him asking?

I don't understand. If it was that important for her that her partner would feel satisfied and loved and would NOT even have to think about the possibility of choosing to cheat, then maybe she'd give him 20 minutes of her day from time to time; instead of waiting until he cheats then she files a divorce and takes his house and money.

Why are women surprised if their partner cheats on them if she's not willing to have sex with him for a long period of time, despite him asking?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe she was under the impression that she was important to him for other reasons than just sex. You know... Maybe she thought he loved her personality or something and was prepared to work through the sex problem.
    The same can be said for men you know, my boyfriend had health issues which meant we couldn't have sex for 8 months, I didn't leave or cheat on him. Because I love him. I'm not only with him for sex. The sex is a bonus obviously but I love him sex or no sex. I stayed and we worked through the problem and now everything is great again. Women don't withhold sex in a relationship to be mean usually, there's normally an underlying reason why they aren't turned on.

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    • Or are you suggesting I was entitled to cheat on him? Like that he deserved to be cheated on because he was being a big old wimp about going the doctors and sorting his problem out? Or because he wasn't respecting me by having sex with me because we signed some sort of contract saying he "HAD to have sex with me whether he wanted to or not because that was the agreement of us getting together"? Should I have cheated on him?

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    • But if you never offer any help or support than I think you should definitely try that first. Also why cheat? I mean if you think she is using you for romance surely you should break up rather than cheat?

    • Did you know it's very painful for a woman to have sex when she doesn't want to? Like incredibly painful. Think carpet-burn on your dick kind of painful. Think walking like a penguin for 3 days sort of pain. I sometimes used to force myself and it hurt so much. And the only reason I was forcing myself was because my boyfriend was getting angry that he wasn't getting sex. When he found out how much it hurt he was really upset with himself because he really just wanted the problem to be solved, he didn't mean to pressure me into hurting myself.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because those women are stupid. Everyone knows a relationship won't last if you keep depriving your partner of something from a long time whether that be sex or whatever else

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What Girls Said 11

  • LOL! OMG that billboard is hilarious! Are you sure that's what happened in their situation?

    Anyhow, to answer your question...
    Typically women would like to trust that their husband/significant other respects and cares for them enough not to violate trust like that regardless of what's in it for him. A man's decency and desire to protect a bond shouldn't be based on how much action his d*ck is getting. :/

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    • I don't see why "a man" should try to protect a bond that's already broken by her partner's indifference towards him feeling loved and wanted and desired and satisfied. In fact, that bond is deemed invalid and void by her refusal to connect multiple times. Not even sure if you could call it a "bond" rather than just a "legal binding".

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    • There isn't really a solution to a female deciding that "sex is just one aspect of a relationship" and expect their partner to just cope with it.

    • If you're literately just going to sit there and insist on complaining then this dialogue is a waste of my time.

  • Well... I'm not sure why some women would specifically be surprised. Perhaps they're not having sex regularly with their partner because of other issues, like other conflicts that result in their libido basically being squashed?

    Regardless, 'not getting enough sex' is the cheapest excuse/cop-out for anyone to give to justify them cheating on their partner. Here's a news-flash to men or whomever; you don't get married purely in order to have a constant source of sex in sickness and in health. If you build your long-term relationship's well-being on that sort of foundation, you're bound to get fucked over in the end. (no pun intended)

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    • ok look sex is not what a marriage should be build on... but and this comes from married men i know who have kids are in their 40s and 50s they told me this : while sex is not the most important it is very important and not getting it can make a huge problem.

    • yeah sure, I find sex to be an important part of a good relationship as well. It in no way justifies cheating though. If you're not sexually satisfied and unable to reach a happy medium with your partner, break up and find someone more on the same page as you in terms of libido or get better acquainted with your hand.

  • Assumption. Assumptions abound.

    I'm going to make an assumption of my own, and write it off that you think this way because you're a little on the younger side.

    Listen, man or woman, a cheaters is going to cheat. He could be having his sexual needs met by his wife twice a day and still step out. She is nit responsible for his actions, he is.

    If he's really displeased in his relationship, he could divorce her rather than cheat on her. Relationships are hard. Partners are not always going to feel like their needs are met but that shouldn't be paid back with betrayal. Most women are not out to dupe men out of their houses and money by withholding sex.

    Would " why do men feel surprised when their wife cheats on them if he's not willing to be emotionally available, financially stable, etc" be fair questions?

    These things aren't owed to you just because you're married. They are things that help a marriage work, but at the end of the day the commitment to the person and the union has to be greater than a man's sex drive.

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    • Withholding sex in itself is already a betrayal. She claimed to love him, yet she clearly doesn't care.

      And commitment fails over time if due to lack of sex, you feel like your relationship is broken, and that there is no true union.

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    • No, that's when SHE starts cheating.

    • I've seen it happen.

  • Because if he wanted sex, he should have dated somebody who was interested in having sex with him. If he dates somebody who says no sex, he should accept that or leave - not cheat o her.

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    • Or she shouldn't have been like "lol ok I'll date you" when she clearly made up her mind on not having sex with him

      I find that behavior to be deceptive

  • I'm sorry, but are u speaking from experience? Cuz u seem pretty hostile about this situation.

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    • Not really. I just see a lot of women being entitled to "I don't want and need to have sex with my romantic partner, because romance is so much more interesting; and what he feels is completely irrelevant because if he wants to have sex with me then clearly he only wants my body because men are pigs"

      How can someone be with someone who thinks he is a pig

      I'm surprised that some people are surprised that they get cheated on

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    • Exactly! That, and sex IS passionate AND emotional. So if she doesn't see it that way, that is more so an indicator of her lack of love.

    • That's true.

  • If you're not happy, spare your partner the hurt of betraying her and just break up and find someone who can fulfill your sexual needs to your heart's content.

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  • Well, if you r in a relationship with someone you expect their faithfulness

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    • You're also expecting them to want to have sex with you.

      It's kinda part of how people show their affection, romance, love, devotion, etc.

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    • It's in the Maslow pyramid level 1 for a reason, and also worth noting that people who have regular sex are generally healthier than those who don't

    • @snowangle Thank You For Defending me!!!

  • Are you Steven? If not, why do you assume the guy cheats because his wife is refusing to have sex?

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    • I'm not Steven, but I'm sorry for his sexless marriage. People don't deserve to be fooled into a relationship where they are not loved, their partner doesn't care to satisfy them, and where they are bound by legal papers and can't just find someone who actually doesn't just fake their interest.

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    • People cheat because they either don't value the monogamous sexual exclusivity and take the opportunity of getting to have sex with someone else to have a higher reward than risk (especially "if she doesn't find out"), or because they feel physically or emotionally dissatisfied in their relationship.

    • Maybe Steven felt dissatisfied elsewhere.

  • Because if you don't bring it up and cheat or don't try to work out problems and go to cheating right away it's wrong. Cause your taking the easy way out, if she isn't giving you want you want after talking about it break up.

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  • Umm things in life come up. Guys usually don't have as many responsibilities as us women do we don't always have time to have sex. Period. Does not in no way shape or form give you a right to cheat. If you use that as an excuse you are a scumbag. This is from someone who has sex with my boyfriend everyday for years.
    If someone trusts you you don't throw that away and throw a temper tantrum because you didn't get what you want.

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  • Because I assume they got married "for better or worse." I agree the wife should figure out the cause of her low sex drive and make an effort to fix it. But the man should also stay faithful. Lack of sex isn't a green light for him to cheat.

    My boyfriend who I love to death has a very low sex drive and we once went 2 months without doing it (and whenever we DID do it, he never took care of my needs. I was rarely satisfied). Do you think I ran off to fulfill my needs elsewhere? Of course not. It wasn't even an option in my book. Because I plan to marry this boy and I take commitment seriously.

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    • That's not really an "of course not", I know girls who DID go off elsewhere to fulfill their needs

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    • Not really, it made perfect sense to do.

    • Yeah I can't take you seriously anymore.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think women do this to make a man cheat so it can cost him everything. A man plays right into a woman trick when he cheats. Now she can try to take everything he got if she didn't sign a prenuptial

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  • Such a stupid fucking question...

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    • Not really. Try hanging out in a sexually exclusive relationship where you're either abstinent or dissatisfied for years and see what you think.

  • So she used HIS money, to make an ass out of her self but making her sex life (something private) in to something public. What an idiot

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