I want to marry him and it scares me. Help?

I've been with him for 5 years. for 3 years we have lived together. I love him and he loves me.

I hate to say this but we really are an almost perfect couple. He's seen the worst parts of me and he still loves me. In fact I think everything we have been through has really made us more in love. I didn't think that was possible.

Are past the honeymoon stage? I'm afraid to talk about marriage because maybe I'm being rash... What if my longing to marry him is just me being childish and idealistic?

My parents hate each other. I dont think they ever loved each other (not while I've been alive, anyways) but... they got married? I imagine they loved each other once but... I just don't want to be like them. And my boyfriend is NOTHING like my father so I feel pretty confident that I'll never have to worry about the dangers my mother has faced. But I've never met a married couple where the man wasn't absuive at least sometimes... but my boyfriend has never ever abused me. I've never felt unsafe with him, even when we have argued in the past. Could that change? Do men just wake up one morning and become abusive out of the blue or is this something you could know?

For over a year now I've had this on my mind and suddenly I'm itching to just TELL him. But is this too soon? I don't know. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i think he is good. its not joke that a relationship lives from 5 years.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you've been together 5 years, I would imagine you're very much past the honeymoon stage. By the way you're saying about him, I highly doubt he'll be abusive towards you. Not if during the 5 years you've been together and 3 years you've lived together you've never had a single red flag. if you want to bring up your concerns about marriage then I would say go for it, you've been happily together long enough that marriage is most likely in your future. and if he's been through your worst and still loves you I doubt any of this will change his mind!

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 3

  • You have been with this man for five years and lived with one another for 3 years. The fear of marriage that you feel because you think he will become abusive, is your mind deliberately putting your parents experience with yours. You said he has never even given you any hint of being a abusive person, and I doubt it would change after marriage (since you also experienced living with him).

    If I were in your place, I'd use my parents relationship as a prime example of what I do not want my relationship to be like.

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    • You have seen how your parents marriage was and are very lucky you found someone who treats you right :)

  • well, Love is a leap. It's scary and exciting, but only you two can decide if marriage is the right option. It's safe to say that considering you're pretty much a married couple as it is, it won't hurt your relationship. If you've found "the one" than certainly make it known that you want him for good. On the other hand, make sure that when you bring it up you're open and accepting of his thoughts and feelings, don't be pushy or demanding (though, from your question, I highly doubt you would be). Have you expressed these fears to him? If so that very may well be what's kept him from asking :)

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  • just say it. if you are such a strong, well-suited couple... then he'll already know anyways.

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