Is it bad I have these standards? and how to reject them kindly?

I'm a christian and i'm looking for a same minded and same spirited girl. Atheists will probably mock or completely be unable to relate to this but in my experience there is a huge difference, and a person who is not with the grace of God is pretty often bad news. Many women approached me but i had to reject them because they had nothing to do with spirituality and sooner or later that would show up, and their true colours would be revealed. and thanks God i can discern pretty clearely things won't go good for me if i marry those people. How do i reject these girls kindly and what should i use as an excuse? should i be straightforward and honest and explain to them my paradigm or come up with a "kind lie"? i know some secular girls think they can be good anyway, and some truly are, but they are far fewer than they think they are. and good is objective. you might think you are good for yourself or for some people. i'm looking for someone who cares to be good for God's standards, and for His shake. but at the same time i dont want to make them feel bad if i'm not going to benefit them spiritually. but i can't afford to be the one takes all the weight of their transition on his shoulders either. i tried with a girl once who showed some signs that she is willing to get in that path, but it was too much energy and effort wasted from my side. too much spiritual cost and burdain too (her past demons waged a huge war on me (for those that understand from these things, the seculars can mock all they want)), and the girl finally dwelled in her old life again unfortunately. she had a very hard time repenting and changing life, so her passions got the best out of her. so i'm looking for a person who is in that path for years and is a passionate and vivid struggler in Christ. but i also have some secular friends and i still have to deal with such people in my life, mainly because of my job, thus these girls who approach me and other times are sent to me by friends etc.

Updates:
and a brainteaser (or better soul teaser) for christians. christianity has been way too distorted here in the west, and the person has become too much looking for his own comfort and well being. we dont differ that much from the seculars anymore. so the question is what would be the more christian thing to do. search for a timid christian girl and lead a peaceful "easy" life, or take a more patience demanding and "virtue inducing" woman and dedicate your life into helping her improve?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • People who aren't Christians aren't automatically bad people. I'm very spiritual but I have no religious beliefs, and I live my life making good choices and behaving in a kind and respectful manner, and I've found it's people like yourself, who have such rigid judgmental beliefs and attitudes who are worse for society. If you want to narrow your options by assuming the worst of people or being biased, you do that, but you're just as bad as all those other people you judge for not being just like you.

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    • well you are being offended right now. it means you have pride as we all do. the difference is that christians through His grace try to manage it in a healthy manner and completely overcom it if possible. i'm not judging these people its just that our lives wouldn't be able to much. for example when i asked will you be going to church? and she says no. what will the kids do? they'll say "why mom isn't going to church? i won't come either". and conflicts will be created in our family. thats not a family thats ruins... .

    • You are judging all those not like you, and discriminating based on religious beliefs. I respect everyones right to believe in whatever they may, but there is no reason to accuse non-Christians of being "bad" people, which you did, and that is not a respectful thing to do.

    • not by my standard girl. we dont define good and bad. did i anywhere claim i am good for example? i'm the worst. but i'm a repenting worst. i have come to the realisation though that good and bad are defined by Someone else's standards not ours. i just look for a person that aims to that direction. as for being an easy person to live with, most of these secular girls showed their defects very early. i dont claim i would be better, i personaly would be a monster without His grace. in that aspect they are much better and more naturally virtuous than i am.

Most Helpful Guy

  • No, taking into account a potential spouse's religion is not a bad thing. It is an important issue that the two of you would need to aligned about or it could cause major problems down the line. And as a Christian, marriage for you is more than just a social contract or legal arrangement. It's a holy union of two souls in the sight of God, so if marry a woman that isn't Christian, she won't understand that aspect of it.

    That being said, that doesn't mean you should reject a woman right off the bat just because she isn't already Christian. If she's avidly following another religion, it might be tougher to bring her to God's grace. There are a lot of people out there than don't know what they believe and could use guidance. In either case, you never know when God with open someone's heart. To that end, I would say just be honest. There is no good reason to lie about this and it might actually make her give her faith or lack therof a reconsideration.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Just be honest. Tell them that your relationship with God is important and you need to find someone who shares your faith.

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  • I don't think your standards are off, and I think you should just be honest with them. It's something that's important to you, and someone will come along who values it just the same.

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  • Why don't u find a girl from the church

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    • i dont want to marry yet, my dad died just last years and i'm taking my time with things in life. but unfortunately quite some women make advances on me. people say i'm tall and handsome and maybe its my good job, and the setting i have to appear at. well whatever it is its more like a curse for me that i'm a christian and only care about marriage with a same minded girl.

    • Just say your not interested as your too busy

    • I think they just trying to get in your pants

  • Well nothing wrong with your standards in my opinion. Just be politely honest with the girls right from the start!

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  • that's fine. try christianmingle. com

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    • also, for letting them down gently, just be honest about your expectations. it's an incompatibility that they should be able to grasp

    • lol all fugs

What Guys Said 2

  • I have never noticed any correlation between being religious and good behavior, but good luck to you.

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    • you are leaving in the west right? welcome to the asylum of the 26.000 christian denominations. they can't all be true. something is way off her. and if you met a rare true christian chances is you wouldn't eve notice cause they hide their virtue too well. thanks for your kind wishes, have a good life and i wish you a great and peaceful ending. don't be offended, for us christians in the beginning is the end.

    • living* here*

  • Be honest I'm also a spiritual person and see us as more merit full than atheist.

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