Is marriage about being in love with the idea of commitment or the person?

Married couples hit rough patches all the time in their marriage. And many of them decide to work it out. But would the decision be different if two people were not married?

Is the decision to stay with that person influenced by the ideas of marriage and/or a feeling of obligation to that person?

Also, many people say you can only truly be in love with one person in your life. Some people say true love comes later? But what really defines "true love"?

Think about the first time you fell in love. The only two expectations were
1. Is the person attractive?
2. Does he or she like me back?

And then if things work out. BAM! You have an intense connection with that person. Many agree you never forget first love. It is significant.

But then others will say that was more about infatuation or lust. But then some people manage to make the first love relationships last years. And many will say nothing is the same afterwards.

Then you will get those who will say later love is "deeper". But when you grow older, you start to tack on expectations and dealbreakers to your relationships that you overlooked when you were younger. Such as
3. Does this person have a car?
4. Does this person have a job?
5. Does this person smoke?
6. Is this person financially independent?

So what is love really? Ultimately it is a feeling. But is love really a feeling towards the person itself? Or is it influenced by external factors such as commitment, traits/attributes about someone, age, etc?

Some people say love is an illusion. That love is really a collection of multiple emotions. Studies show that love is really a biological chemical process.

People also have different definitions of what love really is.

Is love really an intense feeling or bond towards someone like you had in your youthful years? Or is love a not so intense process and is more patient and slow?

Updates:
And is love really a choice? Do you choose to love someone?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Love is commitment, trust and loyalty.
    I don't do relationships, since I am somewhat religious.

    So, to answer your first question, yes. If I am married and we hit a rough patch, I would try my best to work it out.

    As for what if we weren't married.. I will give my SIS's example.
    Her and her boyfriend dealt with a lot of obstacles and still didn't give up.
    So, love is a feeling as well.
    They decided not to give up.

    2nd question, yes to both.
    Both of them are involved.

    You can love more than one person. And this is when I will say love is a choice as well.

    True love is not just lust, like, or just obsession. That's all I know.

    Never been in love but eh kind of I guess.
    Mostly the 2nd.

    When I liked someone many years ago, and he said he liked me back.. my feeling faded.

    So that wasn't love at all.

    Here is what I think about first love,...
    It just creates hurt in the heart for both you and your current partner.

    It's good to know yourself and be a bit strict on the deal breakers...

    For example, say you hate smoking..
    And you live with someone who smokes.
    And you really can't stand it.. and might even make you kinda resent the person.
    So you know that's one of your deal breakers in a partner.

    If you make that deal breaker an exception to someone you start to like, I bet in the long run, it will come back to you as one of the major conflicts in your relationship.

    Love is everything. Feeling, choice, commitment, etc.

    A love only based on feeling.. and without any other things like loyalty /trust /commitment is weak in my opinion

    In the end, love is commitment.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can remain in love with many people throughout your whole life, from the first to the last. It is ultimately the external and internal characteristics of a good life partner that should influence people into making a larger commitment.

    You need more than love to make marriage work. Both partners need to have qualities that make for a perfect partner in crime that can stand any challenge.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Marriage isn't about love, people just like to believe that, but once you marry, you are obligated by law to the other person, and that takes the romance right out of the whole situation. When it comes down to it, marriage is a license, a piece of paper, stating what is legally required of each person during the marriage, and what they lose should the marriage end. You can having fulfilling, loving, long-term relationships and buy property together, and have children together, and heaps of things, without marrying, and it allows two people to choose to be in that relationship everyday, not because they are obligated, but because they want to be. Married people are not "more in love" or "more successful couples" than other couples who haven't married, There is only one difference, and that is knowing you signed a contract to stay with that person, and really, that has nothing to do with whether you continue to love them everyday or not.

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    • But how about this for an example. What about an unofficial commitment? Not a legal process. But a commitment towards someone else. Or a promise.

      Would you love that person because they committed to you or because you actually loved them?

      Make sense?

      Is love really a choice?

      Is love really an influence of other factors?

    • Show All
    • But is the commitment fueled by love or is the love fueled by a commitment?

    • They commit because they love each other, and when they no longer love each other, or one doesn't, they end the relationship, because they have the ability to leave it without legal ramifications.

  • It depends on how you personally define it. For me, my husband was everything I needed in a partner. Falling in love took all of 2 weeks. So some people think they NEED the house, job, fancy stuff etc. We both just got this overwhelming feeling that we were just perfect and we were everything we wanted out of a partner. It was not thought out or planned in advance, we just kind of went with it and now we're happily married and I wouldn't ever love anyone that way ever again.

    As far as science is concerned, there are a lot of factors physically and emotionally that change when 2 people are so connected. My husband and I actually started looking alike because we spent so much time together it's crazy.

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    • Was he your "first love" and have you ever doubted your love towards him?

    • Compared to everyone else I would say yes he is my first love. I never doubted my love for him or vise versa, it's just that powerful when you find someone that cares for you the way you care about them. It's so different for everyone though, but until you experience it yourself, it's hard to explain and grasp what it is exactly. It's just a very powerful connection with another person and it changes the way you look at your life as a whole.

What Guys Said 0

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