Do women ever think about what happens AFTER marriage?

Im seeing a whole influx of marriage questions on here, things pertaining to marriage, and its all girls. Not one, not ONE of them said anything about what would happen afterDid it ever occur to women what happens after you don your "pretty" wedding dress and sport your ring? Ever wonder why most guys are not asking those questions?
Women are out there, keeping virginities, creating types, creating stories and it all seems like to them, it all ends at marriage. Guys know better, we understand that dating itself is already difficult as is and its only two people, and with marriage, tons of third parties are involved.
Im sorry to say but from what I've seen here on GaG, a good percentage of all these expectant naive marriage-headers are gonna be back here with marriage problems like "I didn't know it would be like this", or heaven forbid, divorce (yes, its a real thing). Guys or maybe guys like me are thinking more of what will happen after the fact and are already creating solutions. This isn't the early 1900's, the sanctity of marriage is not as it was. Rather than thinking of what will lead to marriage, you should be thinking of what to do after its happened. You are stepping into an even bigger warzone than dating and many can't even handle dating. My friend was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and 2 out of those 3 years i tried convincing her to get out... eventually she did and then got depressed and she kept saying that if she were married, she would be so much happier and all that went through my head was "no it wont". Marriage is not some end game ladies... so why is it that so so many of you keep thinking that as soon as there's a ring, all problems just go away. Marriage is still dating but with more people involved, the law, family,... children. Its not the end, its the beginning of More things that you possibly may not be ready for. I try to recommend those who can't even hold down a boyfriend NOT to think of marriage, and also those that have the fantasy that marriage solves everything...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Here's how I see it. Most girls like that are the kind who look forward to the WEDDING, that is, the big ass party that only lasts a few hours where all the attention is on you, where you get to wear a pretty dress and eat cake and all that. It's fun (and it should be). I know - my own wedding was almost a year ago (wow), and it was fun but now we've moved on from that. These women have been fed the Disney princess fantasy crap, continued to believe it when they got older, and that's how they think their life is going to turn out. Some guys can be that way too, by the way. It's time for all those people to take off the rose coloured glasses and learn that the marriage is so much more important than the wedding. The wedding means fuck all in the long run.

    Some people are always going to think getting married will fix their relationship. It's not a cure all for relationship problems. I doubt the divorce rate would be as high as it is if people just stopped pulling the wool over their eyes by thinking marriage is all going to be fine and dandy, and then being super disappointed in the future without bothering to work on any issues that arise in their relationship.

    People also rush into marriage nowadays like there's no tomorrow. It's crazy. I really think everyone should wait at least two years before even getting engaged.

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    • You are definitely right on all counts... the wedding, the attention, (the rose colored glasses, i like that one in particular lol), and also the high divorce rates. I know some guys can be like that too.. and most, just like the girls, end up the same way, divorced, disgraced and full of regret.
      I've also answered questions about virginities and marrying, and also if i'll marry a virgin and I've said that i will NEVER change my stance on that, because i have played the scenario in my head and the risk is too high. I won't put myself in a locked in position with someone who has no idea what to do... anyone who has had sex with a virgin knows that the tendency for it to suck is real. Sex is something that deteriorates fast in marriage... and the little time you have.. is going to be spent with someone who has absolutely no idea? hell no lol, because i don't intend to divorce.
      Also note my reference to the 1900's when marriages were for the long run... now the record is 48 hours.

What Girls Said 46

  • I totally agree with you. Getting married is not an automatic solution to problems that exist in a relationship. It actually can complicate existing problems and cause new issues to arise as well. That being said, I do still want to get married someday, but to the right person. I value marriage and I never want to experience divorce, which is why I'm not in a rush to get married.

    I feel like a lot of people get married way too soon, without even really knowing the person they are marrying or they just get married for the wrong reasons. It's certainly a lot involved after the ceremony, in order to actually sustain the marriage. Some women may not think about that but others, like me, do.

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    • I heard about a show about underage marriages (i forgot the name) but its about people that are getting married and aren't even 21 yet. My first thought (i love my first thoughts) was "they should have another show called 'Idiots that divorced after being married and underage'..." lol... just my thought only..
      Im glad you have put in some thought into what happens after... rather than just fantasize about a ring and a dress... Its amazing how many people emphasize on that and so few... so few of them actually say anything about the other human being they are joining with.

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    • "... without even really knowing the person they are marrying or they just get married for the wrong reasons." THAT, is the key - not marrying too young/early.

    • "building a life" that's a good one. Not easy either.

  • of course I think about that.
    I don't expect anything fairy-tale worthy, neither before nor after getting married. I'd certainly never seal the deal to resolve any issues between us either.
    All I expect afterwards is that we continue to have amazing sex while being best friends and emotional supports for each other, while enjoying the tax/financial benefits of being married by law. :P

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    • Oh boy... there's that word expect...

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    • I'm sorry to hear that you've been let down more often than not. Could be for a few reasons; either you're surrounding yourself with a not so good crowd, or you expectations are so grand they're bordering on unrealistic and are just a bit overly far-fetching.

    • well.. youve seen my question and question description, and you can read a few of my opinions on other matters... i think its safe to cross out unrealistic thinking... that leaves bad crowd. I call them "family" lol.

  • I can definitely relate, I broke up w/my 1st love a couple months ago. I was actually planning to marry him, but after finding out who he really was (unambitious and lazy), I knew that I would never have a life w/him. Many girls have guys fill their heads w/total BS that they eat up and believe that any issues in the relationship will be fixed when they get married. My ex made told he how much he loved me/cared about me/wanted to grow old w/me etc, yet made no effort to better himself (get in a position to support a family), nor did he go out of his way to make me feel like I was the love of his life. When it comes to marriage always trust your gut and address any red flags, its better to have a couple months of sadness versus staying w/the person and having a miserable life.

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  • I thought this was a given?

    The way I've always seen it is I won't even date you if I don't think I'd wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Because otherwise, what's the point? I don't "date just to date". And it's why I'm so picky. Why it takes me a while to even like someone. Why it takes me a while to agree to a date. I prefer to take things slow.
    People always say "just give him a shot! It's not like you have to marry the guy tomorrow!" And I always think, why would I give someone a shot that I am not sure I'd want to marry? Waste of time.

    Right now I know I'm not in a good place to even date. And this is also why I never get into relationships if I'm unemployed. I want to put my best foot forward, as that's what I expect from a partner. None of that "I don't need to work because he'll pay anyways" crap. I will and have rejected guys if I'm not working, no matter how much I like them.

    Point is, because I digress a lot lol, I thought it was given that marriage is not the magic cure to a shitty relationship. And having kids to "tie a man down" or to keep him from cheating also NEVER works! I know too many girls with kids, getting pregnant just to keep the man in their lives or to try to make him stop cheating. I've yet to see it work successfully.

    If I date you, you best bet your sweet ass I consider you for a life partner. Marriage or no marriage.
    I date forever or for never.

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    • Wow... black and white.. you don't even do gray area... thats dangerous...
      There are a lot of happenings and events between "give him a shot" and "... here comes the bride"... thats why im confident that whomever i marry would have had time to hop through all the hoops provided.
      Never be afraid to date... because you never know where HE will come from. I have ladies in their late 20's pining to me complaining about how no good guys are out there yet constantly shoot guys down without knowing so much as their Name. ALL because the choice is theirs.
      Well I tell them this..."for every guy you shoot down selfishly, you just narrowed your chance at your goal" .. you should contemplate that as well. In my day, you would be an excellent easy target...
      Dates are harmless... thats the getting to know you phase... it gets more complicated later. If you can't even handle that hon... dont think about marriage. Just my honest opinion, same thing you'd do to me.

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    • but you aren't psychic is what... you can't tell... im good at telling but never THAT good.

    • I never said I can tell. But this is why I spend time getting to know the person 1st.
      I won't go out with a guy immediately after we exchange numbers. It'll take about a month after. I like to talk and get to know the person first. And guys do lose interest. And that just means they weren't the ones for me anyways.

  • Yeah, that's what a lot of people tried to tell my husband and I before we got married. We are both young (20 and he is 23) and with all the half-assed dating that goes on these day they truly doubted how capable we were for marriage... At least right now. The thing is, we never looked at marriage as an end, I had already been living as his wife and he as my husband. It's just a ceremony... What my husband and I are really looking forward to is being old retired and hopefully we have lots of grandchildren to keep us young! So yeah, after marriage thoughts do occur, how often they are spoken of isn't often. My guess is because it's just normal life after that. No smoke and mirrors. I'm sitting at home on our couch watching anime... No different than my days single.

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    • If you were living as his wife already then there really was no need for you to get married

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    • oh cmon... didn't have to make it sound tragic...

    • How can I not... I will die and unfortunately I might die before I fulfill my contract with my line of work.

  • I agree with you completely.

    With that said, I can understand women who think differently.

    Marriage is like.. the counter to abandonment problems. Women who typically get abandoned feel like marriage (old school marriage without divorce) is the goal because you get a life partner. You're forever tied to a person. When you get married you're supposed to feel like you're not alone anymore. So people who are depressed and have a really low self esteem (or people who have been abused/abandoned) will idealize marriage because it's a means to have a forever person, someone who will always love you and need you and will never give up on you.

    I can agree with that, and I empathize because I feel that way sometimes, too. However, with that said, you have to be prepared for what comes next. You have to be prepared to keep that connection alive. You can't just let it die. You have to put the "work" (it shouldn't really feel like work, though) in. It's not like "oh I'm married now everything is magically better", no it doesn't work that way.

    But the idea behind it is pure.

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    • Thats a different perspective... it must have been in my head somewhere but i was focused on a different approach. Thanks for that, i can see your point. It explains why they want to rush into it... they don't see the amount of work later and then when abandoned again, some repeat the same behavior while some just abandon the idea totally.

    • Precisely. I'm glad I could give you a new perspective.
      Abandonment really skews how people perceive things (such as relationships and marriage).

  • There was never such a thing as sanctity of marriage. It was called trading and fusing of families for business and anti war purposes.

    In the 1900s getting a divorce was nearly impossible and for women it was social and financial suicide, so your perception of some "sanctity" is really women not having much of a choice unless they wanted to be ostracised and homeless.

    People today have this rosy view of marriage and women are most guilty of this: they think once the knot is tied, that they have security in their relationship. Lmao, how utterly naive.

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    • TBH... you do make valid points... on all counts (you did forget about the sex part tho)
      When i said sanctity... I meant the MEANING of marriage, what it stood for and what happens.
      But you totally discounted my time reference... good shit... hope to discuss with you in the future... repay the favor :)

  • well, I've seen a new side to u. I'm not gonna lie, it was kinda disappointing reading this kinda disrespect towards some people's choices.

    women who believe problems end with marriage are naive. women who see marriage as an end game simply know what they want.

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    • disappointed Cuz logic

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    • Take what serious? ^^ you mean my short calls come of as trollish? What if I don't care.
      I mean there's a message behind most stuff and it's everyones own decision wether to take it or not

    • @OpenWine no one was talking about you lol... or you would be mentioned. Im just saying that @justbanANNAz said their piece... you said yours... and thats all folks...

  • a good wedding and a good marriage are not the same thing; in fact, getting married won't solve any problems and is more likely to push a shaky couple apart than it is to bring them together.

    my parents split when i was 8 years old, and i watched them duke it out in court for many years; my biological father (who cheated on my mom and who i'm not close to) bullied 11-year-old me into agreeing that he, not my stepdad (who i love to pieces and has been in my life since i was 9) would walk me down the aisle.
    so, by the time i was 15 and in my first relationship, i had already made up my mind never to get married... if this was what marriage was, i wanted no part of it, now or ever.

    for those reasons outlined above, i used to be very anti-marriage (though not commitmentphobic)~ i just didn't believe in the institution, since i'm not religious and have evolved enough to realize that you don't need a piece of paper to prove that you love someone... and, with the divorce rates in my immediate family alone, who can blame me? (lol)

    that all said, i've finally met a guy who changed my mind about all of it, and who i actually like enough to want to marry... because our relationship is already sound, and i'm not worried about our day-to-day lives.

    when we eventually do get married (because we will), it won't be a splashy, elaborate affair~ it'll likely be a simple wedding, with only our families and a few close friends. the details (dress, flowers, etc.) are irrelevant, and the only reason the ring would be of any importance is because it's from (and represents my commitment to) the man i love. <3

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    • ...*wipes tear* *Sniff*... maybe that will be me someday... highly doubt it... but here's to hope.

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    • indubitably; it takes at least 12 positive experiences to make up for one bad one, but you'll meet someone who'll more than compensate for the other idiots. lol.

    • aww... im blushing at the work "idiots"...

  • I've had people tell me "maybe we should get married" "maybe a baby would make things better" "if I stop pills & get pregnant, he'll have to stay!" & it seems I was the only one to steer them clear. We're 24ish, not 15, kids. 26 is the age that people consider the brain to be fully functioning (I beg to differ, with the lot I've seen). My husband, 32, & I married the end of September this year. We have a 2 year old, & we've been living together since January 2013. We moved fast because I got pregnant soon after, but there was no sugar coating who we were, there was no honeymoon stage of our relationship. We have our ups & downs, but being a grownup means we can communicate effectively to work on those problems. We didn't have to get married, but we wanted to for important reasons. Things haven't really changed, because we've been the same people all along. I believe people think the American dream & the "white picket fence" needs to be in place before their 30's, & that's not the case these days. No one needs picket fences, no one needs the world's riches, & you don't have a set date that you have to have your shit together. It can be quite depressing when you have friends your age with houses, new cars, marriage & "perfect" kids. But toy don't see everything, & most importantly, THEY'RE NOT YOU. Everyone has their own time, yours will come. The grass isn't greener on the other side.

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    • I've been privy to "maybe a baby would make things better" and "he'll have to stay"... i put some distance between me and that... Quick.

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    • you know whats funny... this is just transference. and Yes i get the joke.

  • "Marriage is not some end game" well it though, if dating is the game, marriage is winning

    "Marriage is still dating but with more people involved, the law, family,... children" well I wouldn't say it's like dating but its a relationship with all those things. And I think the law makes it actually easier in this case. As I outline here

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1749438-do-you-think-men-who-are-against-marriage-are-bitter-or-do-they-have

    Kids and family are optional.

    I don't think most people think marriage makes all their problems go away, but for most girls marriage is the ultimate commitment, which means you don't have to worry about some things anymore. Like dying alone. It gives security in so many ways.

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    • loooooool *wipes tears from eyes*... you are FUNNY!! apparently you've never heard of divorce... its a real thing honey. And i pray for your sake that this is not the mentality you have with whoever you want to marry... the disappointment will be REAL.

  • Kids and shit.

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  • Wow, you could've written a take about this. For me personally it wasn't like this but I see similar things coming from most younger girls on here and irl.

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    • I could've... but it would turn into a rant lol... thanks for the compliment.

  • Marriage is hard work. It's not something anyone should go into lightly. The younger people marry the higher percentage for divorce. Marriage is to a fix, nor should be done just because there's a child coming into the picture.

    I think as women get older they become more aware of what a marriage entails. When girls are young they're flooded with Cinderella ideals because that's what they've learned. Hopefully as they age they see their parents work through issues and come out of them United. Unfortunately though in today's society people treat that union like a mockery.

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    • Damn straight... and i usually just say Disney ideals... its just not cinderella. I also tell some people with those ideals that, have you ever wondered why Disney never shows what happens AFTER but just say happily ever after lol

  • ok there's no way you're saying guys are more 'realistic'; when it comes to relationships., give me a break.

    anyhow if relationship dont work break up. marriage doesn't work you divorce. its not like in the pats where you can't divorce or you get burnt as a witch or have to turn to prostitution.

    by the way problems ocr even if you start off pessimistic,. usually more so, bc you've got no fight in you.

    people who really want to marry know what they want and they have their entire lives to decide if they were right.

    I dont see what yore trying to accomplish by telling people they should think seriously about something m sure they've thought about. just bc a person is excited or happy dent men they are shallow or stupid.

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    • "just bc a person is excited or happy dent men they are shallow or stupid."
      Yeah, you've proven that alright... some people are just... simple.

  • This might sound stupid but before I get married I'm gonna try to live the married life with my so called boyfriend and see if it works out. This could take up to years, but it's worth it if I can avoid getting a divorce. If after a few years of living together like a married couple, I still feel deeply in love and happy with him, and he does too, then I'll get married. Before that, well, it'd be like taking a gamble.

    Anyway you're right, but I think the reason a lot of women don't want to delay getting married is because they're worried about having healthy kids. After she turns 30 I read somewhere you're kids are less likely to be born healthy, so the biological clock is ticking for us ladies whereas men don't have to worry about that stuff for years to come.

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    • Didn't sound sound stupid at all... nothing wrong i playing out the scenario before it becomes real... and biological clocks suck.

  • I think a lot of pressure today on young couples comes from family- particularly the parents and in laws. Once a couple gets engaged the questions and expections come flooding down unto the couple. E. g. When are you getting married, when are you buying a house, when are you having children etc. Suddenly, where the parents and In laws had very little to no interest in your life, now they want to know everything, and be included in everything. It's too much for a young couple to take!

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    • Those third parties i was talking about... it can be overwhelming. Its already overwhelming to know that you are forever tethered to this person and will have to do EVERYTHING with them, then throw in parents, in-laws and kids and its chaos. People that just hop into marriage usually can't handle that and things go bad.

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    • Sorry to spoil your fun! Troiling were you? Haha

    • Just you... wanted to shake the foundation a little bit.

  • Agreed. Marriage is not a joke. It is a big responsibility but sadly most people dont think of them beforehand.

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    • Girls tend to think about the ceremony, and guys tend to think of safe exit strategies should things go bad.

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    • I'm starting to think you really didn't want anyone's view point on the subject but rather just want to argue your own opinion on men and marriage and how it's right.
      I'm quite sure you don't speak for all men out there, and I will respect your views but I don't have to agree with them, nor do I want to debate with someone who just wants to toss out rude comments and argue.
      Here is the definition of maturity, "the quality or state of being mature; especially : full development".

      Or if you prefer the psychological definition, "In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctive. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in. Adult development and maturity theories include the purpose in life concept, in which maturity emphasizes a clear comprehension.

    • @Barnone The question was actually yes or no lol... but i was interested in watching other people try to spin it... like how did we get to maturity? You are very very society conforming... seriously. Do you think for yourself or just watch others and follow suit... notice how your definition of "maturity" still used the same word? cuz why? no such thing mentally, maybe body-wise.
      "In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner."... who is this DEITY that determines what the "appropriate manner" is? eh? let me guess "Society" the one i just accused you of pining after...

      Look, lets just agree to disagree on the Maturity thing... you do your thing, and i'll be my own little weird nation but seriously though, I did want to hear just yes or no, the reasons and explanations (especially me rattling them) is to see if they stand by it :) ... Im Cuckoo lol

  • Women who think that are wearing rose colored glasses.

    Marriage does not strength a relationship. It's not the next level of commitment. To me it's just something legal to do. Which makes sharing somethings in everyday life a little bit easier if your living together. Still it's an investment which I don't see much of a point for. I don't need a piece of paper that tells me how much I loved my boyfriend and if I want to spend the rest of my life with. Though some women probably do think marriage will make that person stay around no matter what. Which is dumb because it's not the marriage that keeps them around. It's the person they marry that makes them want to stay around.

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    • Couldn't have said it better myself, and it was spoken like would say it... I don't need something to validate what I want... if I've got it.. I've got it.

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    • times have changed now tho... with tv and stuff affecting gullible minds after the "Disney" phase is over. I plan on being just like your parents... small ceremony with a huge aftermath.

    • I think my parents had their wedding on one of the relatives property next to this creek. Since they had owned farm land.

  • Yeah that is all true and i agree, but not fully. the reason some of us tend to think that marriage solves all problems isn't because we think things will be perfect from there on out just because we have a ring on our finger, its because we want to marry someone who we actually care about and want to spend our lives with. we dont rush to get married to just whoever, like i know that when im finally really going to settle down, it'll be with someone who im going to love and want to spend my life with. so its like agreeing to marry someone basically means you found the person you were always looking for. and it doesn't mean things will always be perfect, it just means your starting a new chapter in your life with someone you actually care about. and that is definitely something to look forward to.

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    • my point is that regardless of right person... girls tend to jump when they hear marriage. I could be dating a girl that i know i don't want to marry, we could be having constant problems but if IF i ask her to marry me, she will jump at it. Does she know im the wrong one? YES!
      What im saying is that most girls look at it as some kind of end game.. some "I finally won" type of thing and its not... not anymore anyway. Girls aren't looking at the "is this the right person" when they hear marriage... they just look at..."Marriage aaaahhhh"

    • yeah i do know some girls like that. not me personally but yeah i know what your saying

    • thank you.

  • Marriage is not like dating. Actually at this point in time I don't want to get married in the near future. But I will give you the Darwinian view. Girls want to get married to solve the biological urge to reproduce. Guys on the other hand want to spread their chromosomes around. The 2 have only become compatible in the last few thousands of years. Prior to that, literally girls the hit on the head taken back to the cave and made to stay there while the guys hunted for food and screwed around. This Darwinian principle unfolded over thousands and thousands of years even prior to Homo sapiens existing. So when you ask is marriage and endgame? Biologically it is

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    • cute... but wrong. marriage is man-made... the biological stand point is "coveting"... you know.. the one where she's dragged to the cave. and I did say the remaining parts of your opinion... about the guys wanting to spread things around... i left out the urge to reproduce for women though

    • If marriage is man-made, you need to tell the orangutans the zebras and many other species that stay together for life. Your holier than thou you know better attitude's plays in ignorance of biology, psychology and anthropology. Coveting is a biblical term displaying the fact that you don't have the background or education required to understand your own questions let alone the answers.

    • I guess not :) can't believe you just called me "holy"...
      you might want to go ask those animals that stay together if their staying together is called Marriage... i meant the word Dr. Mrs DoLittle... not the act... the word.
      can't believe i got called holy...

  • You are absolutely correct. As much as I respect the institution of marriage, you have to learn to be able to live with a person, before you can even think about marrying them.

    To be honest, I used to be one of those girls, but... One day, I just saw how much unhappiness was around from failed marriages, even in my own family, and... Now, it seems more like an option that should be considered so carefully.

    There is still value in it, but... it's not going to make things better, if your relationship is already in danger.

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    • Yea... watching that stuff crumble around you would seriously make you evaluate Disney's "happily ever after"... lol
      Nice to know i can add another person to the dark side list lol

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    • lol... good... its dirty...

    • Oh, no. We may be thinking the same thing. Yikes... :P

  • Great take, I always think what will happen after marriage , that's why I'm really scared to get married , I think I'm not ready , and I won't get married until I'm.
    I don't care about the ring, the dress and the wedding party, but may I ask a question?
    80% of men are against gender equality, don't you think that this problem of most of girls only think about the ring and the wedding party was made because of people who raised their girls in a very different way from their sons?
    Just imagine, if all parents focus on their daughters' future career instead of teaching them how to cook, wash dishes, attract a boyfriend who will be their future husband, and then (the happy end :D) I always see that people prefer that the woman should stay with her children instead of going to work, but if all girls know that they can leave their jobs anytime after marriage, how can they focus on their careers?
    As a result you will find that the girl will make marriage her first dream ever, the dream that she can give up her job for it, no matter who she will get married to or if she's not ready!
    It's just you (most of guys) keep asking why girls don't think like us? And never ask yourself why girls weren't raised like us?

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    • can't believe what i just read... i thought girls were against gender roles. I believe that the reason why girls now are taught to be career minded is JUST SO they aren't stuck "cooking, washing dishes" etc. so they can be happy and comfortable FIRST before adding to someone else's happiness. So they don't have to depend ON a man... face it... men are undependable. I was raised to "cook, wash dishes" etc... now.. i don't Need a woman... matter of fact, I've cooked for ALL my exes cuz most of them them only know how to make mac n cheese Only lol...
      men are not against gender equality.. lord knows im not... but we understand it won't happen because nature gave us roles... gender equality is against nature. I've ran the scenario is men and women were to be "equal"... women would HATE it... its not easy being a man... society wise. I still don't get why women want that. (probably because they want everything that looks "greener")

    • Hey! Who said that I'm not against gender roles? I hate when people say girls have to do so and so and guys have to do so, actually my point was to say that if there's enough gender equality girls won't think about marriage in this shallow way ,
      and before saying that gender equality is against nature , define "gender equality" , because for me of course it's not to be a MAN , it means not to have less rights just because I'm a woman.
      It's good that you know how to cook however I didn't mean by gender equality that I want husbands to ALWAYS cook for their wifes , but sharing the housework and the expenses would be cool, that's what my sister does with her husband and it works well for them.
      I know how to cook and I think it's a good thing because it makes me more independent not because I'll spend my life cooking for my future husband.

  • I think more about the married life actually than the wedding itself

    I guess it depends on the person and how muh value they put into something

    I put more worth into a life shared with the one you love. That's why it matters that he is the right one. You will be spending a lifetime together, after all. Might as well be someone you will have fun with :)

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    • Maybe you should start knocking that into most females heads. All guys hear about is just the build up and the ceremony... then two years later, are getting divorce papers...

  • I don't want to get married.
    Getting married isn't a way to force stability on your relationship. It actually makes it worse and much more unstable. When you get married, it isn't just about pretty dresses and living happily ever after. It's about considering what you're doing when you do it.
    Never get married because you want to force someone to stay, or because you want stability in your relationship, or just because you want a ring on your finger. Get married when you're actually ready to get married. Nice... take, I guess. Isn't really much of a question

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    • I know... i was told to I should have made it a take lol... nice POV... a bit pessimistic (and im a pessimist) but its still valid... it really does make things more unstable because its now locked in... no wiggle room...

  • I think your point of "girls are wedding-crazy and guys are realistically marriage-minded" is sexist and jaded.

    I think your point of looking to what happens after marriage and not getting caught up in the fairy tale is valid, though. And a lot of us do think about that. We just talk more about the dating and wedding stuff because that's the next step, and we'll talk more about marriage stuff once it's relevant to our lives. I've seen what does and doesn't make a marriage work, but I'm not anywhere close to married or even engaged, so right now that information is filed away in the back of my mind for later use. Right now, dating and getting to the married part is the relationship priority.

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    • ... well... there always is that one person that just takes offense without reading the question lol.
      Opinion taken. Its nice to know. See you at the divorce.
      (you might wana start perusing that "filed" information now... before its too late... trust me)
      You just said the same thing i just said is bad... looking at marriage at some end game... good luck with that hon.

  • I agree there are so many women on here who want to get married yet they can't even keep a boyfriend. And they act like marriage is supposed to make their already failed relationships better. Marriage is not a magic spell that will improve your life it's a responsibility

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    • @prettygurl12 lmao but she blocked me because she is afraid of my response. What a coward.

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    • @Prettygurl12 it's funny though when people block me it means I won

    • thats what i say... some people just block you just to feel like they had the last say... happened to me once... she talked smack, then blocked me from responding... but deep down... i knew i won lol.

  • it could solve everything if...

    the woman was the 1 earning all of the income, and the guy worked min wage and had debts in his name. how would he leave or even be able to afford divorce?

    or it could be vice versa, but the girl is still in control of where the money goes and knows divorce law really well, even if she's not the one technically earning it. I think it could give plenty of people lots of security lol

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    • well... remind me not to date you... you just mentioned two things in which you can trap someone in a marriage that they may be unhappy with because the exit strategy is going to be more gruesome...
      I mean.. you can just be with someone you like as well... thats still a solution.

  • Yup which is why I insist on a prenup

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  • Good message to all the marriage-headed ladies, bro.

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    • I give it when I can and to those who will listen to truth and not fantasy. Thanks.

  • More from Girls
    16

What Guys Said 21

  • aaah, the disney princess syndrome and it's "happily ever after" belief.

    Two things are ruining relationship between men and women. Porno, and romantic stories (particularly disney). Porno for giving men unrealistic expecctations of sex, and romantic stories for giving women unrealistic standard of how dating and marriage is.

    Lovely stereotype, but there's a bit of truth to it.

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    • lol... this had me rolling... i expected nothing less, dart...

  • Most of the time NO. And it's not limited to women. However, the planning after marriage is not a happy talk. It's dry, it's dismal and everybody hates facing it. Do you plan to have any kids within the next 5-10 years? Are we going to be a 2-income source family or one of us will have to stay at home? How are we going to handle our mortgages, our loans, our debts?

    Most men don't have a clue what they are doing. At some point, some of them would wake up and realize they are no longer a boy but a man and they are in so much trouble they can't swim out of.

    Man's planning:

    OMG this girl is so amazing. I wanna marry her nowz! *Ding Dong Ding Dong*

    Ugh. I don't want any kids. Why can't I get some drink after work? Look, I don't remember what we did last year. I will clean that later, okay? I will do it when I have time, I got work to do! Can't we just sit back and relax? We should get a better car... to get away from your family... and mine. Honey, did you gain weight? Okay, it's a guy's night so I'm gonna be late *heads to a bar and hook up*.

    Then comes chapter 2: the divorce.

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    • wow... just... wow... then ending though
      yea... no one wants to have the talk... that is the reason WHY they SHOULD have the talk. Marriage is "rest of our lives" type shit... it might be safer to discuss what could be a problem beforehand.

  • I don't believe a lot of people men or women actually consider and take into consideration what would happen after they are married or how that life would be. I mean marriage is hard work, it takes constant work and effort to keep going, it's not like in the fairy tales were you put a ring on her finger and that makes everything all better. Before you get married or even really consider proposing it is advised that you resolve any problems you and your girl may be having as a couple or individuals because once your married his problems become hers and hers become yours. You should also make sure your financially stable, on the same page and all sorts of stuff because all of these things can negatively affect your marriage later on.

    Don't get me wrong marriage is not a bad thing, it's a great thing and it is something I am quite looking forward to, but you just have to be ready to live together, share everything and just be ready and prepared for the life that comes after it and be prepared for the struggles you will endue as a couple afterwards not just the wedding day and honeymoon.

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  • I think you're right, most women view the positive and beneficial aspects of marriage, while men focus on the potential risks. We all know those divorced guys, or we hear those horror stories concerning asset/debt division and alimony. I think women view not being married as a bigger risk, since it's easier for a man to "walk" away. It's not really a great reason, but I've seen a few of them on here voice that concern. A ring and a piece of paper doesn't guarantee anything. Others have mentioned the legal and tax benefits, but our laws are sort of centered around marriage being a normal foundation to society. If that was to stop being the case, we could then push for common sense tax reforms (equal for everyone regardless of marital status) and inheritance laws. Aside from pensions and social security, most people can leave property to anyone in their will. People can even donate their property to charity organizations upon their death. I just don't see why marriage is really needed if you're not religious, you can enjoy a lifetime with someone without ever needing the state to get involved. Also, just because a man doesn't want marriage, doesn't mean he's not monogamous and doesn't want children. You can have children without marriage. That social stigma is gone, this is not the 1940's any more.

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  • You have to realize though, women tend to view things optimistically. There's nothing wrong with this per se, but it can cause them to sometimes not see the consequences or at least not as severely. This isn't to say they aren't realists, just that they focus on mainly the good. So women will always see the great things about a marriage, The Wedding, The honeymoon, the love, the sex, the kids, etc. What they don't see or just choose to ignore is the possible negative consequences, like what if they really can't get along that well? How much work being together with someone for life takes, how there will be arguments and times that flame of love dims. How now two families are together.

    There's nothing wrong with marriage, marriage is still a wonderful thing. The problem is, many in society want instant gratification with none of the drawbacks. Marriage is like every other wonderful thing: It takes hard work, pain, and sacrifice to obtain it. If you want a good marriage it's going to have a lot of pot holes in the road.

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    • Im not sure i completely agree with "women tend to view things optimistically"... I feel like there's an argument to be made there... but I've got nothing so screw it.
      relationships all take work and sacrifice... and if you aren't ready to do it... i usually recommend that person to stay single.

  • That's a very good point. Marriage doesn't doesn't guarantee, love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex. Yet its put on this pedestal as this perfect thing.

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    • You don't see guys doing it often... we know better. Its just more shit we've gotta do for women eh lol

  • The younger you are, the more likely you will be divorced. And that's why I am not getting married. It's bad enough there is a 50% divorce with a 69% of women initiating it. Marriage is about supporting each other. It shouldn't be all about getting. It's giving and getting. Working together in the GOOD AND BAD. Not running away when the bad times happen. I mean it's all in the vows. The vows nowadays are just some words you say as a part of the tradition and not something that people take seriously and keep in mind. In a marriage, you really have to be committed. Having a ring won't solve problems and certainly having kids won't fix relationships. There is no benefit for a man from getting married except some tax returns here and there, but even then those returns are used towards bills, mortgage, school, etc.

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  • You are absolutely correct! Marriage just means you "commit for life" theoretically anyways to continue doing exactly what you have been doing. If you are in an abusive relationship, that would just get deeply worse, considering he will just say "you are his wife and he can do whatever he wants"

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  • I agree to an extent. Many women look at marriage from a wholly superficial level without considering the true magnitude of just what it is and just what it entails. Though by that same token, I think too many men are too afraid to be real men by biting the bullet and getting married, evidenced by how many of them are just shacking up with girls who clearly want more yet have no intention of ever putting a ring on her finger.

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    • But you do know that the actual definition of a REAL man is one that doesn't settle?
      the Real man you are talking about is the one brought about by "civilization" and "modern times"... the times in with everything related to relationships and sex are created and enforced by women. Thats the one you are talking about.

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    • I disagree. I think a real man is one who accepts his traditional role as a man and commits, fulfills his obligations, and conducts himself with integrity. This has been the universal standard across all cultures prior to the advent of progressivism in the West and its complete disdain of anything traditional and family oriented, what with the radical feminism and gender redefinition LGBT stuff. A man who doesn't settle is just a Beta masquerading as a real man. He is the type of post-feminist manchild who can't even change a tire and supports a woman's right to "choose" simply because he doesn't want to be a father.

    • I know when an argument isn't worth it. Any real man knows what a real man is and its not what is defined by females. @Johnagain knows, maybe because he is older and was around in a time when men could do what men wanted rather than being dragged around by their balls like im guessing some lovely lady will do to you in the future eh... :)
      Thank you for your input though.

  • Have you ever been married?

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    • Hell no, so im not speaking from experience so no specifics and examples... the question was if what happens after has been thought about. I might know a few from watching/counseling others but i have no experience in that area... and i can wait for that particular step.

  • Good post. Females are often more in love with the idea of marriage than the realities of it I think. If you look it up, you will find that 70% of divorces are initiated by women, and usually because they want money or get bored with the guy they married.

    I often find it funny because women are said to be more commitment-minded than men, yet are more often anxious to call it quits than men. I've noticed that for men, when a man is really ready to get married, he's spent time really thinking about if this is what he wants to do and is serious about it, whereas women are just more excited about the idea of being a "taken woman" with a ring on her finger, so it's like it's a luxury for them.

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    • whoever down voted you is a fuckin idiot. women ARE the ones who usually initiate break up, push men into cheating etc then try to play victim. Im sure you have seen situations where a marriage is going good because the man has money and then the money is gone... guess who is the first person to pack up and leave?

  • Majority, if it most people people marry because they believe that is the only moral way of having a relationship in the long term. They believe that is the only moral way of raising a family. When you believe in morals, even if the other option appears to give eternal bliss, you would go with the moral option.

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    • Thats another way of looking at it.. kind of like arranged marriages... even if there are options... the obligation wins out.

    • You got my point bro. I could add a lot more to my original comment but better to keep it to this.

    • simplicity... i like it.

  • I agree. Marriage is not a life solution. In fact, it never was expected to be. The fact of the matter is, is that most people (these days even) do not have one sliver of a clue as to what marriage is truly all about. Marriage is not for everyone. Yet, people think they are one of those that it IS for. Wrong!!! The husband is to fulfill his marital duties to his wife, as well as the wife to her husband. People don't seem to understand this enough, either during marriage or before.

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    • because of peer pressure though... husband this.. wife that... it gets heavy. I know... I've been feeling it... and its even heavier for people like me that think differently and because of that, have been ostracized and labelled. The pressure to belong becomes real.

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    • Yes I know... doesn't change the fact that people (including me) want to.

    • Well, if you want to get married, then go right ahead.

  • Very very good point. No one ever thinks about shit like this on this level. Everyone always assume they will be able to handle it. People actually have this idea in their head of what it will be like. But the thing is, we play in this game called life, where shit doesn't go as planned and its really crazy. So on a personal level, i just know marriage isint something that would fit me so im most likely not ever doing that.

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    • They assume until the divorce becomes real... then they look for someone to blame...

  • Sadly, not many people think of this. Look at the divorce rate of this country. Everyone wants to say "I love you" and take pictures and post them on Instagram, but no one wants to ask the serious questions. "
    Where will we live? Do we want kids? Who will raise them? What religion will we teach our children? Do we have enough money to even get married? Are we in debt, and how will your debt effect me? "Goals😍😍" isn't enough, shit gets really serious really fast

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  • After marriage ----DIVORSE 😢😢😢
    9/10 times

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  • After trying to follow that rant I still thing marriage is for dips hits who don't realize you can have good relationships while still fucking multiple people

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    • lol... did you just call my question a rant?
      well... It was... in my head... but what i wrote wasn't. more of a call out not a rant.

  • nope they think about the wedding

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  • Most chicks want the wedding not the marriage your 100% right

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    • a girl said its because of the attention they get for that day.

  • It's all about truly accepting another for EXACTLY who they are. The big wedding, the movie type of love, the fantasy life etc is not real. Musicbrain gave an excellent answer. Her marriage will last. She is good people and surely chose a great guy that matches her personality and morals.

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  • It's men who foolishly get into a marriage and don't think about the consequences. That's why marriage still happens.

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    • Men do thing about it, men came up with the last of the "3 rings". They do think about it, but they pray and hope that they won't elope with someone woman who would force them into strengthening the cheating stereotype already placed on men.

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