Why won't he propose already?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has a good job, we own a house together and I'm pregnant with our 3rd child. I thought he was going to ask me 3 years ago. He has always acted like he was going to and even acting as if he had a ring or was going to buy one over the years. I'm starting to get very frustrated and upset at this point because he knows it's important to me. What could be holding him back?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • why do you need a ring or a wedding? just go to the court house and get the job done there and then save the money for your family. and why get married anyway? what does it do other than the bonuses you get from the government? even if you marry you two can still split up, cheat or get divorced. you don't need a ring or wedding just to promise to stay together as a family. He's probably scared that you might fuck him over in the end with a divorce and take everything he has away from him. his kids and money and self respect. men today know that divorce rate is high and its mostly brought on by the wife wanting to divorce the husband. NOW I'm not saying that you would ever do this. I'm sure you do love him. but I'm guessing that he doesn't want to get married because he's afraid of you divorcing or cheating on him down the line. Again, I don't know you and I'm not saying that you are the type to ever even show hints of those types of actions. but that's why I wouldn't get married.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • a good wedding and a good marriage are not the same thing.

    he's probably holding off because, as the others have said, things are good as they are. that said, if he knows it's important to you and he doesn't see the value in it, he should just be honest with you.

    getting married won't rebrand you or complete you. that said, since you obviously place a lot of value on it, i would have an honest conversation with him~ maybe start with, "you know i love you, and i want to spend the rest of my life with you~ i'd love it if we could finally make it official".

    (by keeping it focused on your feelings/using "i" statements, you're not being confrontational, and he doesn't feel pressured, therefore it's more likely that he will be honest with you.)

    if he hesitates, or says that he doesn't see the point, don't get upset with him. simply redirect the conversation~ "i love you, and your happiness is important to me; we already have such a good thing, and i think this is a step in the right direction for us."

    i used to be totally anti-marriage (not commitmentphobic); if a guy were to push me into marrying him, it would be a total deal-breaker.

    good luck!

    -von

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What Guys Said 10

  • He is probably afraid that it will change things. If things are good the way they are, then he is risking ruining it if things change. Maybe he needs to realize that he will lose if things do not change in that way. The question for you is, is it a deal breaker if he does not propose and marry you, or is your relationship going to continue as is if he doesn't? Pushing for it when he isn't ready could be a problem for him. Not sure why he wouldn't be ready though.
    From my experience, when a woman pushes for marriage, it kind of pushes me in the opposite direction. I would want to know that she is happy with me as our relationship is. I feel like she needs to know that getting married is not changing our relationship, and if she is just wanting to get married because it is a life goal and not because she really wants to be my wife, then she is not ready.

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  • 3rd child 😨 And no ring

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  • "I'm starting to get very frustrated and upset at this point because he knows it's important to me."

    Then you could propose to him, maybe?

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  • He already has everything what's the incentive at this point?

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    • Exactly. When will they learn. I could understand if it was a woman stucked in that position and no kids but she's already gonna have a 3rd child. What's to be so depressed about?

  • he may just be happy wth how things are and doesn't want to risk screwing it up

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  • Marital laws in your country is what may be holding him back.

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  • sometimes when you have fun you forget.

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  • Just remeber that you could propose to. I think you getting upset about this is ridiculous if you never propose either. You don't see him throwing a fit since you haven't proposed yet.

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  • His secret betting debts hold him back financially

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  • Because... why the fuck should he, lol?

    He's already got all the good stuff from the relationship. The only thing marrying you does now is let you dangle the divorce/alimony/child support/impoverishment card over his head.

    He'd be retarded to give you a ring now, lol

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What Girls Said 5

  • Why does he need to propose when you're already performing the wifely duties without the commitment of a marriage?

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  • You've already given him the life of being married without the actually marriage taking place. In addition, you're already pregnant with your 3rd child so therefore there is no incentive for him to get married. It's like you were both married already, just without the wedding and ring.

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    • That's why if I wanted a child, I wouldn't ever get pregnant in a relationship and much less, live with a man I'm not even engaged to. Sorry but I'm kind of old-fashioned on that. I don't do cohabitation without an engagement and even then, I would make sure there is a date that's going to take place and that everyone in the family knows it.

  • Bring it up to him.

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  • Why don't you just talk to him about it?

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    • I have, we have talked about it many times and he just says that he knows he wants to marry me someday. I just don't understand why he's still waiting.

    • Well then why don't you purpose?

    • Propose*

  • Why won't you propose instead?

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