My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has a good job, we own a house together and I'm pregnant with our 3rd child. I thought he was going to ask me 3 years ago. He has always acted like he was going to and even acting as if he had a ring or was going to buy one over the years. I'm starting to get very frustrated and upset at this point because he knows it's important to me. What could be holding him back?
Most Helpful Guy
why do you need a ring or a wedding? just go to the court house and get the job done there and then save the money for your family. and why get married anyway? what does it do other than the bonuses you get from the government? even if you marry you two can still split up, cheat or get divorced. you don't need a ring or wedding just to promise to stay together as a family. He's probably scared that you might fuck him over in the end with a divorce and take everything he has away from him. his kids and money and self respect. men today know that divorce rate is high and its mostly brought on by the wife wanting to divorce the husband. NOW I'm not saying that you would ever do this. I'm sure you do love him. but I'm guessing that he doesn't want to get married because he's afraid of you divorcing or cheating on him down the line. Again, I don't know you and I'm not saying that you are the type to ever even show hints of those types of actions. but that's why I wouldn't get married.0
Most Helpful Girl
a good wedding and a good marriage are not the same thing.
he's probably holding off because, as the others have said, things are good as they are. that said, if he knows it's important to you and he doesn't see the value in it, he should just be honest with you.
getting married won't rebrand you or complete you. that said, since you obviously place a lot of value on it, i would have an honest conversation with him~ maybe start with, "you know i love you, and i want to spend the rest of my life with you~ i'd love it if we could finally make it official".
(by keeping it focused on your feelings/using "i" statements, you're not being confrontational, and he doesn't feel pressured, therefore it's more likely that he will be honest with you.)
if he hesitates, or says that he doesn't see the point, don't get upset with him. simply redirect the conversation~ "i love you, and your happiness is important to me; we already have such a good thing, and i think this is a step in the right direction for us."
i used to be totally anti-marriage (not commitmentphobic); if a guy were to push me into marrying him, it would be a total deal-breaker.