Why Wouldn't You Get Married?

I always see questions about why/when/how people want to get married, but why wouldn't you want to be married?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Marriage doesn't garantee anything. I doesn't garantee love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex. It only provides a few tax benefits which in my opinion, are nullified by the fact the higher earner (usually the guy) ends up losing a lot in the divorce in addition to attorney fees. Plus the engagement rings are overpriced considering diamonds aren't really that rare.

    Also it's kinda hard to find a classy woman nowadays. I actually think it's more flattering for a woman to choose you for fwbs than it is to be chosen as her husband. Women have higher standards on looks for casual sex and lower standards on looks for marriage. So they are often more attracted to their past fuck buddies than they are to their husbands. Being the guy a woman wants to marry doesn't mean you're the most attractive guy she's ever been with or the best sex, it just means you're the most convenient now that she's ready for responsibilities and sacrifices (buying a house and raising kids). I'd rather be the hot exciting guy they want to hop in bed on the first date with over the boring stable guy they go for out of convenience.

    There's also the 40-50% divorce rate and since the guys is usually the higher earner, and the one who has invested more into the relationship financially, he stands to lose the most if the shit hits the fan.

    If you were told that 40-50% of the time parachutes did not open would you go skydiving?

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    • What if they marry him because he is the one they love and never loved anyone like that before?

      That happens too u know... Lol

    • damn bandit, preach brother :D I mean you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. Plus 1 for you

    • @Watermelonoma
      thanks

What Girls Said 28

  • I was like "fuck marriage" the whole time I was growing up. And here I am, married. In a marriage that's just way too good. Way too good.

    Honestly?
    If you DO NOT have a fairytale view of marriage, you are much MORE likely to have a good marriage.
    The problem is with the girls (usually girls, let's face it y'all) who have the "hearts & flowers & cinderella" view of marriage. They're gonna eat it, and their (and their husbands') lives will suck.

    If you go in with a jaded view of marriage, then, ironically, you're much more likely to make it work.

    But, yeah, the taxes. Fuck. Fuck fuck shit. That's all I have to say there. My husband and I pay the IRS a few thou more every year than we would if we were single.

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    • Really? There is a tax benefit to being married. I don't understand, a single male with no dependents has the highest tax braket. How are you paying more together?

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    • This is what I've been told for years , I thought women got perhaps a tax break due to wage discrepencies perhaps? I come from. Sweden

    • @WoodenS510 No.

      Also, the whole wage gap thing is bullshit, by the way. Men make more money because men have longer careers, work more, and are better negotiators.
      The wage gap is pure fiction. Pure whiny bitch fiction. I'm a girl, if I cry people will feel sorry for me.
      Fuck.
      As a woman who is actually capable... frankly, I am disgusted.

      There was a recent study of young professionals in major US cities, and it found that females are actually making 8 to 20 percent MORE than males, in comparable industries. Oh, you didn't hear about that study? SHOCKER.
      content.time.com/.../0,8599,2015274,00.html

      It's all a big load of shit, y'all. A giant load of shit.

      There is no "wage gap" in the real world, in which real people live. Nope.

      I read somewhere that Sweden actually proposed to tax men more than women. Hahahahaha, what? Dude, if I were a man in Sweden, I would either do nothing at all, or just work under my wife's name.

  • Because I'm not a good person for relationships. I'm one of those people who will try to make things work, even when it's clear it's over.

    If someone hurts me, I'm quick to rationalize and justify why they did it, oftentimes blaming myself. I've done this since I was a child. And I have sympathy for my abusers, even if they should be jailed, I'll think "he has a family. I can't do that to them."
    I know from firsthand experience, if you try to punish parents, it's the children who actually suffer most.

    I'm in no position to be in a relationship, especially a binding one, because if I pick the wrong man, I'm fucked. And I'll continue letting myself be mistreated. I don't love myself tbh. And I care for others over me.
    I'm a people pleaser, and I really don't know what I want. Because oftentimes, I'm so focused on other's happiness, I forget or even ignore myself and my happiness.
    I've done things I don't really want, just to keep exes happy. Even with tears in my eyes.

    I'm still working on this, but I lose hope easily, and I'm afraid that if I trust someone like that again, I'll spiral back into depression and allow myself to be abused. I don't trust people in general, but seeing as I'm interested in men, I have to be more wary of them.
    I feel that it's too late for me because I'm already set in my ways.

    This is why I'm not a good candidate for marriage.

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    • I'm one of those people who will try to make things work, even when it's clear it's over... hahaha lollll me tooo!!! And I dont even know why :(

  • Why Wouldn't You Get Married?
    In my opinion:
    1. The only positive is the end
    Most gals get screwed over in marriage hence why gals initiate divorce as it seems the ending of marriage is the only positive for gals

    2. It's servitude
    It's basically indentured servitude where the gal is the cook, maid, and nanny (gals do most of the childcare/household duties)

    3. It's prostitution
    It's basically prostitution (obliged sex since not having sex when one doesn't want to is using sex as a weapon/punishment)

    4. There's no respect for gals
    The guy has the upper hand as the dynamic is the gal should be ever so grateful the poor male chose to commit (ie gals want the marriage more so the less caring partner is in a power position). The image is that the guy is a poor soul trapped with a controlling, condescending shrew.

    5. Divorce will financial ruin gals
    Divorce is disastrous to gals as they are the ones generally suffer financially
    www.iser.essex.ac.uk/.../2014-30

    6. Sex is really really shitty not just because of the obligation undertones but because of notions like 'her orgasm is her responsibility'. Both just really drive home that basically sex is important enough for the male to have but not important for the gal to enjoy. Then toss in guys seeming not putting much effort into being desirable because sex is now a given rather than something he has to ensure she desires and wants.

    7. You lose your identity
    Generally it seems gals have to give up their name for the male. For those that claim it's about giving the family one name I find rarely do they think to change to her name or they both change names. Plus I find while guys get to remain who they are gals are now expected to be supermoms, maids, cooks, and placate the male's sexual desires all while having none of her own unless it coincides with the males.

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  • I honestly want to get married but I wouldn't want to get married if the person was abusive, even if they proposed. If they loved me and I didn't love them (anymore) or I fell in love with someone else, I wouldn't marry that person.

    I'd never make someone a choice simply because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Fuck that.

    I wouldn't marry someone just so they're happy and I'm not. I'm not going to fucking be with someone and be miserable. I'd rather they be able to be with someone who truly loves them.

    I wouldn't marry someone if all they wanted from me was my money, my success, or if they think my place is in the kitchen or making babies. Fuck. No.
    I am a human being and so are they but I'd never marry someone if they didn't love me, thought of me as an object or was simply marrying me.

    I wouldn't marry anyone for ANYTHING other than true love. I have to be deeply fucking in love with them, and they with me, to marry them. If they cheat on me once? Bam. They're fucking gone.
    If they tell me they love me but they just want my money? They're gone.
    FUcking nope. No marriage is happening between me and another person if they use me, lie to me or fucking don't love me. Or if I don't love them.

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  • it isn't for everyone. commitment is a phobia for some people lol.

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    • Ok, some domestic partners have been faithful longer than some divorced people were married you know.

    • im not talking about myself... @artdent I'm talking in general.
      i personally want marriage. fuck people take everything personally here.

    • the Internet is serious shit

  • Scared of being trapped, scared of losing money / property in a divorce. Just bloody scared!

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  • Because I'm in school.. School is difficult and I really don't want to drop out of school just to get married. I had a discussion with someone recently on this website who said I should get married so I can have sex and that sex without marriage is a sin. Well I say dropping out of school to get married to have sex is more of a sin... It is not written in the Bible but is written in the Talmud that study is more important than anything. Formal school is study and it lays the groundwork, the foundation of everything is going to go on in one's life. If you don't have an education you are finished. You will work in a diner or a fast food restaurant the rest of your life. That is if you start your own business. By the way everyone thinks they can start their own business and become a multimillionaire or be "into music." And become a Beatle.. Not me I'm not smart enough to start my own business and I'm not into music so forget about being a Rolling Stone. I believe in sex before marriage I believe in education before sex. So if you want to be naïve enough to believe that they gonna kiss a frog and marry a prince and live the rest of your life wonderfully they lived happily ever after go forward

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    • I said go for it. You're taking a risk a big risk. Stop being naïve stay in school and school marriage for a while

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    • I am not a success story yet but I see a future where we are. We have been through almost every relationship mishap and situation. I just hope the worst is behind us.

    • How is it to naive to believe so? Anyways besides that I don't get why you would have to drop out to get married. I'm getting married in a year and I'll still be going to college on a full ride scholarship. :) I'm just saying it's possible to do both.

  • Because I don't want to. That's as good a reason as any -- for me, at least. At the end of the day, that's all that matters... what I want or don't want :)

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  • The only reason why I wouldn't get married is if I didn't find a man I liked. But if I meet a man I love I wouldn't want to wait long before we tie the knot 💍

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  • 1. Im too young
    2. I'd first need someone to get married to
    3. Im so not sharing possessions and bank accounts etc. You never know whether you might break up in the future.
    4. Whats the big deal? Im an atheist and having a few hundred people watch me officially declare my love seems more awkward than fun to me.

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  • I guess just because it wouldn't change anything for me really. I would be fine living with someone and just spending my life with them without being married. I'm not for it or against it, I just don't find it very important either way honestly.

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  • It's a piece of paper that doesn't mean you can't cheat or leave. Divorce is usually higher than wedding bills.

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  • Fear of it not working out.

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  • Man im searching for a loyal man who loves and cares about me whom i can trust for the rest of my life I don't know if this kind of man exist, all i hear from most of married people is they don't love each other anymore, someone's cheating, divorce does true love even exist anymore?

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  • If I enjoyed my own company and if I deemed it to be more healthy to be alone than to be in the company of another.

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  • Because hard and responsibility

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    • What do you mean by, "hard?"

    • When A woman married
      To be daughter in law, wife, mother, cook...
      So responsibility.. :)
      Sorry I can't speak English wery well :/

  • If he already had a child, I would not have married him.

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  • I wouldn't get married if I didn't see myself in his eyes

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  • Loyalty is dead.

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  • The only fears of marriage I have are getting a divorce or being with someone that ends up not working out.

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  • Seeing my parents divorce is one incentive.

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  • because i can't find a decent man :( ... and honestly its looking hopeless right now...*sigh*

    and ignore those who claim they hate marriage so much
    they do and need everything married people do and then claim they can't stand marriage and hate anything that has to do with it lol

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  • I just don't feel it's right for me. I'm not saying I will never get married, but so far I just don't have the desire to marry. The thought of a long term relationship is okay, but no need for a wedding or the paperwork.

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  • It's man made

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  • I dont think I am ready to married because I am not ready to give my everything in a relationship. at the moment Im busy with school and my family enjoy time. I think there's much more time for relationships.

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  • I don't want to be married because of personal baggage from my parent's bad marriage and other traumatic events that have fucked me up.

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  • Hmmm cause I think that I am very skeptical of how long feelings could last, monogamy is difficult and I will try to work at it or at least stick it out if I have children and they are young or just because it will be too much work to start over. I think two people being together over time gets just really complicated and resentment builds and I know what resentment feels like on both sides and I dont know if I want 20 years of resentment building up against me.
    Ugh who knows being with someone for really long is a lot of work
    Also in my country living together is enough to make it legal anyway and it is considered the same as marriage :P

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  • because sometimes the person changes when they are married and you are tying to impress the other person anymore.

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    • This is one of the biggest reasons behind divorce in my opinion. People are always growing and developing over time, and one partner can develop and change over time... and end up morphing into an incompatible version of themselves for their partner.

What Guys Said 38

  • I don't see any benefit to being married. I already took a girlfriend across the globe, got her visas, financed her grad school, bought her a car and never cheated or broke a promise and commited under circumstances that were so hostile and stressful, it would break most marriages and did it for a decade. Why would a court paper make a difference? no offense to anyone who is married, but I think if you superimposed my relationship and the promise we made together versus 95% of marriages. 100% of the people who knew what it took, for us to support under those circumstances would say our relationship was more special and unique a sacred than a court paper marriage.

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    • Just saying that because there so many example such as bonds, and notaries and these examples of third party witnessed contracts are based around "lack of confidence" or "indemnity" or "risk of failure" which is exactly how a marriage contract is set up. In the business world a verbal handshake contract is held to the highest admiration of ethics and integrity. So, it is only reasonable to me that a commitment verbally is more meaningful than a marriage 3rd party involved contract, used as "security" and therfore the only rational argument in my mind for marriage is the fact you have belief it may not work. So, in my mind it isn't as special

  • People always change in a marriage and not really for the better. Also, you have to merge assets; that's a big risk to financial wealth.

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  • I don't see any point in being married. If I want to live the "married type of lifestyle" then I would just do that. I feel no need to involve religion or legal issues into my relationship.

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  • I'm personally against marriage, it just isn't for me. But I'm an American, and a liberal one at that. In my world all the so called benefits of marriage are no longer restricted to those who get married. Even tax implications can be resolved with a simple domestic partnership form. Marriage to begin with is an institution between 3 groups, person to person, person to state, and person to religion. In the standard christian ceremony this is in the vows between the two parties, the marriage license signed by all parties, and the approved representative of the church officiating over the ceremony. With the state giving marital benefits to those who are not married through a domestic partnership, including next of kin and last wills. Even my health insurance carries over to a domestic partner as it would to a spouse it takes the state out of the marriage equation. Further I don't belong to a faith that overly concerns itself with marriage, taking the church from the marriage equation. Leaving the most important of the 3, the vows and promises of two people who want to dedicate themselves to each other. That bond is between them, and only concerns them. To sum up, marriage is an outdated institution, an unnesscary one. I'm sure back before people lived to age thirty and died it was important to pair off for reproductive and financial reasons, but it just isn't that way anymore.

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  • I don't perceive it as an obligation. Honestly I think Not everyone absolutely can, will or should marry.

    If you really want children of your own it makes absolute sense to find a partner or spouse.

    But if you don't really want any children or have no desire to ever have any children, then I don't really see the point.

    Also, if you've been single long enough you may just stop caring at all or caring enough to prioritize it. I still haven't have my life and problems sorted or figured out yet and I also have psychological issues that make me feel nihilistic existentially and even antinatalistic which would greatly affect even how I can ever be in a successful relationship much less ever even marry someone.

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  • Marriage is all well and good but, divorce is disastrous to males. Considering that as soon as you get married you literally have no defenses against divorce, the risks outweigh the benefits. So, nope, marriage is no bueno for me.

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  • Personally I would not want to get married... legally, at least. Because I would gain utterly nothing from it.

    1. Higher tax rate.
    2. If I am higher earner, divorce would be devastating.
    3. She now has the upper hand and if she decides to refuse sex or get fat, I'm stuck.
    3. Why? I mean, I can date/sex/have kids without the paperwork.

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  • i wouldn't get married because there is almost no added benefit to it. You don't need to be married to have kids, you don't need to be married to have a sex partner, and you don't need to get legally married to be in a comitted relationship. If anything, i find marriage to be a huge trap for guys if im being honest. I watched my dad go through the ringer with my mother as she started to act up and cause friction for no good reason... and the sad thing was that there was really nothing he could do about it. I don't want to repeat those mistakes and live that kind of life. I'm fine with dating women and being in comitted relationships, but im on the fence about getting married (trending towards being against it). The only thing that would make me feel comfortable with getting married would be a change in the marriage laws that were more equitable, and written in stone. Until then, I think i'll stay out of the marriage game

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  • Honestly, after being burned so many times and also considering that the last woman that broke my heart was perfect to me and i don't see any woman just as good as her, i really don't think i will get married.

    It will have to be somebody just as good as the other gitl for me to think about marrying her.

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  • i dont like cell phone freaks that live 24 7 on there phones. I dont want to be controlled either so will see

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  • I have my own logical reasons for never wanting to get married. I have lots of reasons.

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  • I have a wife, a son and a grandchild. Thus my further marriage possibilities are limited.

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  • You don't need a title to give the relationship significance. The cons out weigh the pros for marriage. For starters you're put into a different tax bracket, both incomes are counted as one. Should the marriage fall apart and divorce is imminent, you'll be splitting half of everything if not more, your 401k is at stake. If kids are involved you need a judge to tell you when you get to see your kids. All of this could be avoided if people could adhere to all the aspects of marriage without the piece of paper.

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  • 1. Long lasting relationship is fantasy, marriage will not guarantee anything.

    2. You need shit load of money to satisfy your wife's material needs

    3. Kids are too expensive to grow these days

    4. Wives will always threaten you to divorce if in anyway you don't fulfill their wishes

    5. Sex becomes uninteresting because your wife becomes unarousing after having children (vagina widens)

    6. Your personal life ends FOREVER!

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  • Because these days it's just a piece of paper.

    Once you live together for X amount of time, you have the same benefits without the expensive ceremony.

    Additionally, with the high divorce rates these days, and the ways men are consistently screwed over in settlements, why wouldn't they?

    A gentleman I work with has been with his current partner for 11 years, has no intentions to get married or even move in together, and you know what - it works for them.

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  • Almost impossible to find a suitable partner for that. And I wouldn't trust the best wife in this planet so, no thanks.

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  • becuase i´ve seen so many couples breaking up shortly after marriage... that´s my number one reason to not do that.

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  • I will never get married because I am attracted to younger girls so I will never find a girl I'm attracted to and I will certainly never be attracted to anyone my own age. So as for relationships go for me, game over.

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  • I don't trust any woman enough to not divorce me.

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  • Real talk, I'm a pretty selfish person when it comes down to it. I also never want to grow up and be old. Getting married kinda seems like it would kill it for me. I don't want to live a boring life in one spot like that. Nothing seems worse than a lifelong contract, especially one that binds me to one person.

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  • For me, it's about choosing a lifestyle that will make me more fulfilled. Everytime you choose something you lose something else. I choose a single, childless life so I can travel the world, come home whatever time I want, and decide by myself what I want do with my life. Is is worth it? for me, it is. Maybe for others it's not not. And life goes on. Each of us make our own lifes the way we want, right?

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  • it's ultimately the strongest commitment between two people and a legal nightmare if thou shalt leave when sick and poor

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  • Because I'm not ready yet

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  • Because it's pointless and stupid.

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  • I want to get married but after marriage love dosnt feel the same before cause you know she is yours its different before and after but if i love a person a lot i whould marry her and make kids also when its time

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  • honestly, i think everyone should get married at least once

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  • Drama/immaturity of the other person.

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  • Divorce , I don't want to lose my home, car and the custody of my children.

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  • Because it's completely unnecessary.

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  • Also marriage is scary but I figure if you make it through the scary part then you get to reap the rewards just like everything. School, job, etc. I'm in the scary part now ten years in:)

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