Were you absolutely sure when you were getting married?

OK. Here is the thing. Me and my girlfriend are talking about getting married. I love her more than anything. And I know that she loves me too. She is the best person I could be with. But somewhere in the back of my head there is this little "worm" asking me if I am completely sure about this. I want to marry her and be wih her and I cannot imagine being with anybody else. It's just I keep thinking... what if something goes wrong? I come from a broken home and the last thing I want is to do the same thing to our kids.
Did any of you have doubts when you were getting married?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I come from a broken home too and the experience made me stronger. While it was quite a lonely and angry childhood I had, I observed what should and should not be done in a marriage by watching my parent's marriage break down.

    People sometimes have doubt in a relationship if they've experienced their parents divorce. Or if they haven't been with many people and wonder if there's someone better out there. It's a big commitment, and undoubtedly an uncertain future lies ahead.

    But let me ask you this... when you woke up this morning, did you know whether it would be your last day alive or not? There is uncertainty in every aspect of life. You could die in a car accident. You could get robbed and killed. None of that uncertainty or the risk associated with it prevents you from making the decision to go outside and go to work.

    You may very well end up in a divorce, but the uncertainty associated with it is entirely dependent on how you conduct yourself in the marriage. If you choose to be a dick husband, your marriage will fall apart. If you choose to be unyielding, stubborn and unreasonable, your marriage will fall apart.

    And should you have kids, what exactly do you mean by "... the last thing I want is to do the same thing to our kids"? You're afraid of making them experience a divorce? That's somewhat irrelevant. Whether you live as a married or unmarried common-law couple makes no difference. If you divorce or if you simply "break up" as a common-law couple, it will be equally devastating to your kids.

    Uncertainty about a marriage should only come if you don't believe she is the one for you. Uncertainty because you might divorce in the future, when you have no viable reason to believe this will happen, is like refusing to ever drive because of the risk of getting in a car accident. Or refusing to go outside because you might get struck by lightning.

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    • Thank you so much for your answer. It certainly calmed me down. Anyway by "... the last thing I want is to do the same thing to our kids" I meant - having kids in a relationship that is going to break up is not exactly ideal.
      Than again, statistics say that half of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned. I guess there are so many more options how to mess up your child's development besides separation.
      I know that there is uncertainty in life. It's just harder for me to accept it in some aspects of my life. I'm working on it though.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Let me say this. The people I've known who were absolutely sure they were marrying the right person all ended up with marriages which were failures or outright frauds. And I mean Every. Single. One. That's no exaggeration.

    I had doubts. My marriage has worked out great. Not perfect, but nothing is. It was the right choice and she was the right person to create a new human with. I'm not getting divorced. I'm in it for the long haul.

    My personal answer is that any thinking, self-aware, evaluative person will have doubts about everything in life. That's a given. It would be a warning sign if you DIDN'T have doubts.

    I can't tell you what to do, other that to follow your bliss and your heart. Good luck. :)

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    • Thank you so much!!! I was just thinking if it is some kind of a red flag that I am not absolutely 100% sure. I know you cannot tell me what to do. I need some time to think this whole thing through. Once again thanks! :-)

    • Hehe. Yeah. Just. . . "do the right thing." :)

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