What would you give up for your spouse?

I don't agree with the archaic trading livestock and treating the one spouse as property bullshit that is part of the history of marriage, and I hate the idea of blowing thousands or even hundreds of dollars on an extravagent wedding, but I do want to have my own version of a wedding with my partner where we meet somewhere and invite friends and family to a potluck marriage where it's literally a low maintenance fun potluck with music and dancing and a bonfire where we could wear something special and put a ring on it. Problem is,.. a. I only have two friends and they live on the other side of the states. And b. He anchores the idea of a wedding and doesn't see the point in marriage even though he proposed and wants to go down to the courthouse with me at the end of the year and make it legal without the drama of any tradition. I understand where he's coming from, and it makes me feel shallow and stupid for wanting an event of it. I feel like I've already given up so much in my life from being in a strict house that never allowed me to have any experiences whatsoever because of their constricting religious crap and I don't want to give this up too, but I also don't want to force him into making an event of something he doesn't want to make an event of. :/ what should I do? What would you do? Would you give up your dream low key wedding to be with someone you loved?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone has a definition of a wedding, don't they?
    In the end, it's focus is on the marriage and how the couple defines it, as they become One Unit for the world to see & deal with.

    For many asocial guys, it's you & me, screw everyone else, now let's go to our cave, we need no stinking help from anyone (wrong). That said, become One means this satellite has blasted off from Earth and we are not children in our parent's home anymore BUT we are still gravity connected to all we know.

    For many gals - the more social group - a big wedding is a party shouting graduation, someone loves enough to save me from childhood, dating pools, et al. and insure a life beyond what parents can give. They want everyone to know and always cherish that day's details.

    So HOW do Two become One? Having their own uncompromising way? Dismissing the other point of view? Stiff arming everyone in their past, their expectations, their BLESSINGS - support when needed later? Do I make this mind set sound foolish? Good.

    As a new unit (or country or business) of course you two are exclusive in love and meld into one harmonious entity BUT MUST participate in society, chief of this is relatives & close friends. They are a part of it just as water is required of fish, so are they required of marriage units.

    Tradition is what you makes of it and now is the time where compromise to make the new unit work gets tested. You write this brief so that readers would believe that you have proposed the most generous compromise and he has nothing to offer but the courthouse. I think there's another solution that could put smiles on both faces if you are meant to be together and can communicate this out with brains focused on making the other party happy. If not, then good time to split up else be saddled with this problem over other many things the rest of your lives.

    Yes, I would and HAVE given up everything in order to trade dreams for my dream gals but listen to this... they also have done same for me. The ones that didn't are in the rear view mirror, by choice or by boot. Remember, I gave up my dreams first... that's the only way to negotiate in love. If they do all the taking, then call it off... on the courthouse steps, in your case.

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    • Thanks for the long ass ramble that you posted just to appear smart when in reality it only makes obvious how long-winded you are and you large your ego is to think that a bunch of blatant bullshit is so ever important purely because it came out of your head. Get yourself a cookie and give yourself a pat on the back, it's obvious you're looking for that fawning look of admiration and gratefulness for typing an essay of nothingness that no one cares to read.

    • Easy to throw rocks from behind a ANON wall
      and
      everyone, look & learn WHYNOT
      to invest time in ANONs
      When will I ever learn?

Most Helpful Girl

  • If it's low-key anyway I don't really understand why he would have a problem with it? Have you actually talked to him about what you want to do or are you just assuming that it's not something he wants or is willing to do?

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    • I talked to him. He's not interested in any wedding whatsoever.

    • Then I think he's being a bit selfish for not even wanting to compromise, especially considering that what you ask for is more like a small gathering of the most important/close people to you, barely even a wedding lol.

    • After your last post,
      WHO WOULD be
      interested in a wedding & tied to all that "forever"?

What Guys Said 1

  • Oh someone hasn't told him yet? IT'S YOUR DAY LADY! The only thing he gets to choose if he wants to marry you is the song you dance to. Bottom line it means more to you women then it does men. Any man that's says different is lying to make you feel better loved. The ceremony of it all just doesn't peak our interests.
    That is why you should never settle for anything you don't want (except the song) on your special day. Not that he shouldn't have any opinions considered but you know what I mean. Don't do a small wedding if you don't want to. Have the wedding you dreamed about when you were a little girl. You deserve it.

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    • I want a small weddings. He doesn't want any wedding whatsoever until our 50th anniversary and said that even then it'd be pointless and redundant since we'd already be together 50 years so what more can a piece of paper say that could change anything

    • I would say no matter how big or small you deserve the wedding you want. If he's not on board then he is selfishly putting his feelings above yours when it will means the same to him of he marrys you in a church or a playground. Compromise your big day if you want. It's your big day you'll think about at least once a year (most likely more) for the rest of your life. You want it to be something special to you. Yes it's both your big day but you are the one who will carry the memory of that day like a badge of honor.

What Girls Said 2

  • Yes. A marriage is between 2 people. As long as they love each other does it really matter if there are hundreds to witness the event? I believe that as long as you both are happy them get married, and have a party after and invite everyone

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  • I wouldn't have to give up my wedding plan or whatever because we would both agree onnit/come up with compromise.

    I would not be happy in a wedding with music, dancing, etc.

    However, if he just wants to get it done privately with my guardians and his and the Imam , then sure. No problem.

    I am okay with it.

    My ideal would be to have it done at night, around 7-8 ish, with just family and a few close friends.

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