Why are women against pre-nups, although they initiate most divorces?

Yeah, so the question is clear. I always see women say that they feel 'offended' and 'hurt' if their SO asks them to sign a pre-nup. They say that such a request for a pre-nup indicates 'lack of trust' on the behalf of the man. But then, why are women usually the ones who initiate a divorce?

Now I'm not going to talk about biased divorce laws here, but the laws always favour the spouse who earns more. Since it is the social norm for men to marry down and women to marry up, there are very few instances of women earning more or having more assets than the man. So yeah, let’s assume that in general, men have much more to lose than women, in case of a divorce.

If it's about trust, why don't women trust their partners about just wanting to save their assets? What's wrong with that? Just because a person is a skilled driver, does not mean he/she wouldn't get their vehicle insured against accidents, right?

And for you men... if your SO refuses to sign a pre-nup, and your assets/earnings are higher than her, would you still take a risk with marrying her?

Updates:
Just see how women are CONVENIENTLY not answering this question. Except for one who already has a prenup.

What nefarious intent, eh ladies?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, well, if you actually think through this one, there are a few good answers.

    Disclaimer: I have no particular horse in this race. I am by far the primary earner in my marriage (about 78/22 percent split), and, we do not have a pre-nuptial agreement.

    --

    #1,
    Far most importantly, you are going to see an unavoidable response bias here -- regardless of how (un) common this actual view is among actual women.

    Imagine a situation in which 19 of every 20 women (in yr hypothetical, in which women are the lesser earners) are perfectly willing to sign pre-nups, and it's just that 1 out of 20 who isn't.

    1 out of 20.
    5 percent.

    Okay.

    Still... even in this case.. who's going to make BY FAR most of the noise? Most of the racket? Most of the whining?

    You got it.

    All of the shrillest cries are going to come from people who feel wronged, dude. This is pretty much a universal feature of human nature.
    You see the same thing with toll-free product hotlines. Even if 99.9 percent of buyers are happy with a product, the hotline is still going to get mostly complaints. Why? Because... people who feel wronged make noise. Happy people don't make noise.

    I mean, srsly. Do you think women who are perfectly willing to sign pre-nupts are gna take to the internet in droves to write passionate opinions about that?

    As if.

    I mean, honestly, this might not even be the majority view, by now. Most of my girlfriends are at least somewhat ok with pre-nupts, and, of my clients who have enough wealth to worry about protecting (and who are willing to open up about this kind of stuff), ALL have pre-nupts.

    Moreover, there's no way to ascertain how common they are, because they aren't actually filed with the court. They are executed outside of court, witnessed, and then kept by the parties and their counsel -- but they don't ever see the inside of a courtroom unless they are actually litigated. Therefore it's impossible to know how common they actually are.

    --

    #2,
    This is something you should definitely think of, because, honestly, it's something MEN usually bring up.

    This whole notion that a woman's younger years are her "best" years.
    That.

    That's certainly a thing in terms of fertility (in fact, you'd probably be shocked just how young a woman's most fertile years ARE, but, that's another topic for another day)... but, a lot of y'all make it sound like a woman is virtually worthless after her 30th birthday.

    (contd)

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    • ... Ironically, a lot of the men who are MOST insistent on pre-nupts -- even if they have relatively little to protect, and, in the most delicious of ironies, even if they'll ultimately screw themselves out of getting alimony/support from HER someday -- are also the men who are most obnoxiously strident about this whole "a woman's best years" thing.
      The same men who say with straight faces that women should be trying to get married at 19-20, even as they're playing the field into their late 20's or early 30's.

      I mean, if you are gna buy into this whole idea that a woman's younger years are her "best" years, then, it makes a lot of sense that she should rail against the idea of a pre-nupt.
      That whole "best years" concept isn't codified into the law at all -- of course it isn't, since it can't be -- so, if you buy that concept, then you'll think that any legally "equitable" divorce is actually going to gravely shortchange the woman. (contd)

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    • You're most welcome. You deserved it, for the time and efforts you put into this informative and detailed answer! :)

    • Tx. I mean, that's about 10-15 minutes of typing for me, but... glad it helped. This topic is misunderstood by too many people on both sides.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Then again things like these should be discussed way before even considering/proposing marriage. At that point it should be something the woman knows it's coming and she should be familiar with your views.

    For any man, considering how things are nowadays, it should be either pre-nup or no marriage at all. Then again the trust part comes way before when you make clear what are your views about these issues to whoever you're with. That's where trust is, not putting yourself a blindfold and expect this person to be the same a few years from now, with same expectations and same intentions. Love, care and commit but just be guarded that's all.

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    • I suppose I agree with you. Men shouldn't risk marriage if the woman is against pre-nup. If a woman refuses prenup, it might actually be an early indication of her planning to screw him over with divorce.

    • Thanks for the MHO!

    • You're welcome!

What Girls Said 6

  • Based on what I've read about prenups here and elsewhere on the Internet, it doesn't seem to be so much about trust for most. Rather, they view a prenup as a death knell for the marriage and that's why they're getting offended and hurt by the mere suggestion of one. People don't want to think about the possibility of divorce, and they feel as though a prenup is just inviting that situation.

    I have a prenup but it is more about protecting us and our future children and nor so much about finances. My husband and I are on the same career path and will most likely end up earning around the same amount of money annually. I will always have my own job, my own income, and my own bank account. I don't want to be financially dependent on him and that's reflected in the prenup agreement.

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    • Right, you sound sensible! So if a man actually earns more than the woman he intends to marry, is it 'wrong' on his part to ask her to sign a pre-nup? the way I see it, the moment a man mentions a pre-nup, the woman dumps him immediately. Is there anyway around this?

  • I would have a pre-nup, totally. It gives both peace of mind.

    Women don't like it because they take it as an insult. They like to think their partner trusts that they won't take advantage of them if they divorced and often the woman thinks she wouldn't do it, but things change over time and when you're in pain. A pre-nup to some people is a sign of distrust.

    This happened on an episode of Total Divas between Nikki Bella and John Cena. That would explain all the thoughts and feelings that comes with a pre-nup on the woman's side, if you watch it.

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  • Meh, I'm not. I want a pre-nup and would think the dude was pretty stupid if he wasn't okay with getting one.

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  • lol i think people are either indifferent about pre-nups and would sign it or they are hurt by the concept of it as a sign of lack of trust. there's not much in between. i fall under the former. id sign no questions asked. my spouse and i will probs make similar income anyways. its whatever tho. i recognize life can throw lemons and circumstances change people so i wouldn't question someones trust in me if they asked for it to be "safe." i do think both sexes are losing trust in each other these days and it mainfests differently. for a guy, no prenup sounds fishy. for a girl, a prenup may sound fishy. whos right then?

    tbh from one brown person to another, dont let urself be brainwashed by the pool of gag men who rage on about western men being oppressed. they highly exaggerate real life lol

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  • Because if I were to divorce you, I want to be compensated for my time.

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  • I agree with you. I'm guessing they think a prenup is a sign the guy is expecting the relationship to fail?

    The woman filing stat is skewed, though. I know many women personally who filed simply because they did all the admin work in the marriage. My own mom had to file, for example, and my dad had moved out into another woman's house.

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What Guys Said 9

  • The funny part is prenups don't even protect the man, usually they get thrown out or worked around to the point of pointlessness. If I did ask for one and she did not agree then I would not marry her. If she cannot respect the fact that the law favors her in all ways and I simply want some kind of assurance that she will put forth as much effort to maintain the marriage as I am then she obviously isn't interested in marrying me.

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    • Rightly said! Even I'm beginning to feel that if a woman refuses to sign a pre-nup, then she actually intends to screw him over with divorce at a later point.

  • Those so against pre-nup wanna be sure that if they get divorced they will take half the man's money.
    Gold diggers.

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  • Well, going by what most people want today, they're mostly like
    1. bp. blogspot. com/.../givememoney. gif

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    • Well... umm... I honestly didn't get what you're trying to convey here. Sorry, I'm too dumb. I don't understand anything unless someone explains stuff to me.

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    • So yeah, only a feminist would sign that's! :P

    • Ironic, right?

  • Just wait to get married to some chick that devoted her life to going to med school or getting her Ph. D and whom has lost track with the reality of social norms... Then maybe you'll have a keeper that has her shit together and is past all the bullshit games and greed that lead to the huge amounts of divorce over money (prostitution). Women freak out when they're aging and not married. The ones that haven't been threw multiple divorces and don't have kids from other dudes can probably pay their own way and are a little different than the rest of the pack.

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  • It shows that you have a lack of faith in your marriage to begin with which I imagine probably offends them. Cold logic alone tells me to get a prenup, but sometimes you have to ignore logic and take a leap of faith in the name of love as irrational as it may be. I would rather marry a woman without a prenup and take the risk of losing everything I own than undermine our love by asking her to sign one.

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    • She's gonna take away your house, car, kids and half your shit. You ok with that?

    • The way I see is that if my marriage ever ends up in divorce, my life will be over with anyway regardless of whether or not I get to keep my stuff. I would rather truly give it my all and hope that the marriage succeeds than even accept the possibility of failure.

  • I have just avoided that whole issue and decided a long time ago to never get married. That's really based on believing that you can have a life long partner and love each other despite being married. Common law marriage rules can still apply..

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  • i don't ponder these things. i won't be getting divorced.

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    • Well... what if your wife initiates divorce? How can you DEFINITELY say that you won't get a divorce, if SHE wants it?

    • If he never gets married, then he will never get divorced 😆

    • we'll be signing contracts stating divorce won't be legally possible. that'll be my prenup.

  • They want money.

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  • I think you know exactly why...

    Marriage and relationships need to GO

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    • Marriage needs to go, but relationships can stay! :)

    • No because:

      There's something called PALIMONY. Your partner can also easily fuck you over by accusing you of rape or violence... and if she gets pregnant by accident she can easily force you into being her slave for the next 2 decades. Women also expect men to pay and do all sorts of things in dating/relationships which gives women special treatment. There is NO EQUALITY in relationships where men are almost always getting the shorter end of the stick

    • Women commit the majority of domestic violence. They are also found to be more controlling and aggressive in relationships than men. Women have been found to nag their men to death.

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