Yeah, so the question is clear. I always see women say that they feel 'offended' and 'hurt' if their SO asks them to sign a pre-nup. They say that such a request for a pre-nup indicates 'lack of trust' on the behalf of the man. But then, why are women usually the ones who initiate a divorce?
Now I'm not going to talk about biased divorce laws here, but the laws always favour the spouse who earns more. Since it is the social norm for men to marry down and women to marry up, there are very few instances of women earning more or having more assets than the man. So yeah, let’s assume that in general, men have much more to lose than women, in case of a divorce.
If it's about trust, why don't women trust their partners about just wanting to save their assets? What's wrong with that? Just because a person is a skilled driver, does not mean he/she wouldn't get their vehicle insured against accidents, right?
And for you men... if your SO refuses to sign a pre-nup, and your assets/earnings are higher than her, would you still take a risk with marrying her?
What nefarious intent, eh ladies?
Most Helpful Girl
Ok, well, if you actually think through this one, there are a few good answers.
Disclaimer: I have no particular horse in this race. I am by far the primary earner in my marriage (about 78/22 percent split), and, we do not have a pre-nuptial agreement.
Far most importantly, you are going to see an unavoidable response bias here -- regardless of how (un) common this actual view is among actual women.
Imagine a situation in which 19 of every 20 women (in yr hypothetical, in which women are the lesser earners) are perfectly willing to sign pre-nups, and it's just that 1 out of 20 who isn't.
1 out of 20.
Still... even in this case.. who's going to make BY FAR most of the noise? Most of the racket? Most of the whining?
You got it.
All of the shrillest cries are going to come from people who feel wronged, dude. This is pretty much a universal feature of human nature.
You see the same thing with toll-free product hotlines. Even if 99.9 percent of buyers are happy with a product, the hotline is still going to get mostly complaints. Why? Because... people who feel wronged make noise. Happy people don't make noise.
I mean, srsly. Do you think women who are perfectly willing to sign pre-nupts are gna take to the internet in droves to write passionate opinions about that?
I mean, honestly, this might not even be the majority view, by now. Most of my girlfriends are at least somewhat ok with pre-nupts, and, of my clients who have enough wealth to worry about protecting (and who are willing to open up about this kind of stuff), ALL have pre-nupts.
Moreover, there's no way to ascertain how common they are, because they aren't actually filed with the court. They are executed outside of court, witnessed, and then kept by the parties and their counsel -- but they don't ever see the inside of a courtroom unless they are actually litigated. Therefore it's impossible to know how common they actually are.
This is something you should definitely think of, because, honestly, it's something MEN usually bring up.
This whole notion that a woman's younger years are her "best" years.
That's certainly a thing in terms of fertility (in fact, you'd probably be shocked just how young a woman's most fertile years ARE, but, that's another topic for another day)... but, a lot of y'all make it sound like a woman is virtually worthless after her 30th birthday.
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Most Helpful Guy
You're right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Then again things like these should be discussed way before even considering/proposing marriage. At that point it should be something the woman knows it's coming and she should be familiar with your views.
For any man, considering how things are nowadays, it should be either pre-nup or no marriage at all. Then again the trust part comes way before when you make clear what are your views about these issues to whoever you're with. That's where trust is, not putting yourself a blindfold and expect this person to be the same a few years from now, with same expectations and same intentions. Love, care and commit but just be guarded that's all.0