How do I get him to come sleep with me?

My husband is a night owl and I understand that there are times where he can't fall asleep because he's just not tired, but there are nights where he does get tired enough that he will fall asleep on the couch. Every night for a good 4 months he hasn't gone to bed with me. like at all. He prefers to sleep on the couch till I come to wake him or TV goes to sleep/turn off. I have told him many times that I do understand most of the time why he didn't go to bed till late but on the nights where I know he's exhausted and still doesn't sleep with me. It makes me feel alone and that he doesn't like it, am I doing something wrong? He would say no and then he will get upset with me and usually says that I like to cause arguments. We are completely fine and dont argue about anything else. For those men or women who are in similar situations like this what do you do? How can I get him to come to bed? Could it really be me? The last time he slept with me and went to bed at the same time was when the kids were staying the night at grandma's and we had the place to ourselves. I know he loves me, I know sexually we are great, communication is good except on this. Any advice helps thank you


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My fiancĂ© is the same way total night owl. He works until late so night time is his time to unwind. I started just laying with him on the couch until I fell asleep and then when he is ready for bed he wakes me up or carries me to bed. That way he can still watch tv and chill and I can sleep but we can still be close. Maybe give that a shot?

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What Guys Said 3

  • Buy a couch bed and have it deployed for when he gets home.

    Join him.

    You can find them at thrift stores.

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  • I don't know if this is advice or not, but the last 5 or 6 months me and my ex were together, I slept on the couch unless I had drank or she would use breathe right strips. This woman's snores you could compare to cutting down a steel tree with a chainsaw! It ended us, but granted we were not married and didn't have any children. There were other issues as well.. Anyway, besides getting rid of the couch lol, I don't think there is anything you can do. I guess maybe see if you can compromise where he comes to bed with you and after an hour or so if he can't sleep, then couch time.

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  • Stroke his ego and play the damsel in distress and tell him you need to fall asleep with him cuddling you to make you feel safe and snug.

    Try talking to him about it outside of those times not when they're happening. Just let him know you feel lonely without him. In marriage you should definitely just spill your guts out to each other and not bottle things in. Just let him know you miss the affection and want it. He has got to have an explanation for why he's doing this. Maybe the couch comforts him for some reason if he's feeling uneasy. Just try to get him to open up to you but that means don't demand he open up to you because then he'll completely shut himself off emotionally. Just let him know you care about his feelings and want to be supportive. Maybe somethings happening.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Is there room for compromise? My hubby isn't on the same schedule as me but he always tucks me in and cuddles with me before he goes back to gaming for the night. Our friends make fun because I still get tucked in at night in my 30s, but I enjoy the cuddles and don't feel like I'm missing out.

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  • He's just marching to the beat of his own drum. Even if he's not there with you in bed, don't sweat it. He still loves you.

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  • Tell him you aren't putting up with it anymore. Tell him you want a sex life and not a teenager who sleeps on the furniture. It's a woman's right to be sexual gratified, if a husband can't give her what she needs then she should feel justified in looking elsewhere for sex. There must be an Ashley Madison for women.

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