I think I'm at that age where I want to settle down and get married. But my boyfriend doesn't necessarily want to. Is it time to say goodbye?

I'm 29 and I think I want to get married. My boyfriend of almost a year told me when we fist started dating that getting married had never been part of his plans and he has never thought about it seriously. I made it quite clear to him that, that's what I'm eventually looking for though. He said he'd conaider it... back then.
I do love him however I think that if I'd just agree to live with him he'd probably never want to get married and have a family with me. His parents never got married and got separated when he was only five so that's normality for him. And no one in my family has ever gotten a divorce... So our values probably clash here... What should I do? I love him but I also have things that I have always wanted in my life and I feel like I'd be betraying myself if I just settled. Help?


0|0
5|7

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're worried because you're almost 30 and you feel your ship is about sail. You claim you love your boyfriend yet you're thinking of breaking up with him because he won't marry. You should consider that you two have been in a relationship merely a year (that amount of time isn't enough to consider marriage to lots of people), and he is not rushed into it, PLUS he clearly/and honestly mentioned he isn't particularly thinking of marrying ever since you started dating. You were the one agreeing to the relationship while knowing that, how is that his fault?

    "I love him but I also have things that I have always wanted in my life and I feel like I'd be betraying myself if I just settled" All I read is me, me, me, me, me... which is pretty selfish of you. Maybe you should've thought about it in the beginning when he said he wasn't considering marriage? Instead you'll probably threat him with breaking up if he doesn't want to marry. Do as you wish, but just take note you're acting selfishly and this isn't his fault at all.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No on the contrary. I said I wanted to get married and that's why I'm dating. He said he hadn't considered it but would now think about it. It was him who agreed to date me with marriage in mind.

Most Helpful Girl

  • One of the biggest cause for divorce is clashing values other than financial stability. If your values clash now what makes you think he will change his mind? If you do get married to this guy and you will probably see more clashing values in the future. If he's not ready to be married to you then you are not the one for him and you deserve better. Find someone who values marriage as much as you and start a family with him. Don't ever change your values for someone else. Find someone who has the same values as you cuz who knows in the future what else will clash with this guy. You don't want to get divorced.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • There is a growing number of people who either never want to get married or postpone it indefinitely. The reasons vary, from not wanting to be tethered, or simply not believing in the institution of marriage because they are not religious.

    Whatever the reason, people like this are unlikely to change their mind. The unofficial nature of your relationship - as just bf/gf rather than a married couple - presents a certain degree of instability. Essentially, he could walk away and find a new girlfriend tomorrow and you'd be left out in the cold. Alternatively, you could do the same thing. At least with a marriage, doing such a thing is not without consequences - both financially and socially (all the family and friends that attended your wedding would be disgusted if one of you went off and cheated)

    Let's roll with the assumption that he will never get married? If this is acceptable/tolerable to you, then stay. I know it's not the desired outcome you're looking for though, but if you decide to accept it, you should never question it again. Otherwise, it will be a constant thorn in the relationship.

    If the situation is not acceptable, I would probably recommend that you leave. You're not exactly a spring chicken anymore, and if you choose to leave, it will take several years before you find someone else, settle down with them and get married. So you should not procrastinate on the decision.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do you want to be married, or do you want to be married to this guy?
    You've been together less then a year, is that really long enough to know if you want to spend the next fifty years with someone? Whats your rush?

    "I love him but I also have things that I have always wanted in my life and I feel like I'd be betraying myself if I just settled."

    You've already answered your own question, and all of mine, with this one statement. You know what you need to do. Just give the guy a shot, and tell him your concerns. If he's replies are not in tune with your goals then its time to go.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You guys have to talk about it and work out a compromise if you're going to stay together. If this is really important to you then no don't "settle". Having said that I don't believe two people have to be married to live "happily ever after" but not everyone believes that. If you "settle" you're only going to resent him (which will turn to anger and hate) later on down the road.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More and more men are opting out of marriage these days. Mind you, can't blame us. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. And men tend to lose the most out of it. Also the majority of the time women initiate the divorce.
    With stats the way it is, more people have decided to opt out of marriage altogether.

    If marriage is what you want but he don't. You might have to find someone more compatible for you...

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you both dont have the same goals for the future then its better to move on

    1|0
    0|0
  • It sounds more like the typical girl about to hit thirty and freaking out about not being married already... don't go with him just because he is around, wait for a partner you really want and also wants you just as much, I doubt he will change his mind.

    0|2
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • You haven't even been dating a year so I don't think marriage is something anybody would be ready to consider. I feel that if you love him and he loves you that if you gave him a good amount of time he would be more willing to consider it.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Well, you say this now because you are only 22. When you're 30 and still plan to have a kid before 35, things aren't as relaxed as they are at such a young age...

    • I get that, but that doesn't make the expectation unrealistic.

    • That just makes you sound a little desperate and I don't mean to sound harsh but your probably going to scare him off.

  • Find someone who wants what you do. You owe it to yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you need to find someone who wants the same thing you do, that's including marriage and kids. If he's against marriage now, and ends up marrying you just to make you happy, he can end up resenting you down the road.

    0|0
    0|0
  • God no you have waited too much time on him. He wants someone younger than you to marry. Find a man any man too marry your window is closing.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...