Is a happy life long marriage a myth or fantasy?

My best friend is getting divorced his wife was sleeping with her boss. Didn't blame him at all but her cheating was something he couldn't get passed and her lying. Horrible thing is he loved her so much and she loved him (ironic). She seems to be going mental crying and begging him but he just won't talk to her because he says it hurts too much. He directed me to some sites that have helped him. They happen to be infedility sites and wow! Was I shocked!
the stories people have posted (for support) are just heartbreaking even those who cheat "I loved him/her! I had no reason to cheat she won't forgive me!"
its very frightening which makes me wonder if the thought of a life long happy marriage is just a myth, or is this just a small group of people who tend to be unfaithful to each other?
I know first time marriages tend to have a 50% divorce rate those that mean that well 50% get to have a happy life long marriage? I guess also I've read 2nd marriages have like an 80% success rate. So I guess just what happened to my friend and what I've been reading marriage (giving your love and trust to some one is very scary).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it really depends on the couple and how much commitment is involved. Personally speaking we will have our 23rd year this coming August. Yes, things have been rough sometimes but its all about sacrifices you make as a couple for a better outcome.

    I know couple who didn't last 8 months and some are going strong like 30 years. It all depends on the couple. 3 key things i have learned over my marriage is communication, trust and care is the main things for a good lifelong marriage. :)

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What Girls Said 7

  • Oh yeah it's real. My 15th wedding anniversary is next month, and my marriage has been pretty much nothing but a source of spiritual strength, emotional fulfillment, white-hot sexual satisfaction, logistical advantage, and just all-around winning at life.
    I mean, I suppose it COULD all go south after, say, 22 years... LOL but, it's lookin' damn good so far.

    You just have to not make the mistake that everyone else makes, which is to assume that feelings will just... stay, or intensify on their own.

    Uh... no.

    Would you expect a car to maintain itself, over 500,000 miles?
    Or would you take it in for regular maintenance?

    Think about how you would treat a car that you fully expected to drive for 500,000 miles.
    Think about how you'd...
    1... diligently take it in for EVERY regular maintenance interval
    2... develop an intuition for when it NEEDED certain services performed on it (as opposed to when the manufacturer told you)
    3... notice VERY small problems developing, *** AND EXTINGUISH THOSE PROBLEMS AS SOON AS YOU SAW THEM STARTING TO DEVELOP ***
    4... take measures *** UP FRONT *** to extend the life of the car -- re-tooling parts, using better fluids, adjusting systems before they wear excessively, etc.

    Those are all important, but, #3 and #4 are the differences between a car that'll go 200,000 miles and a car that'll go 500,000+ miles.

    Think about the analogies in yr own relationship.

    #3:
    Most people wait until the passion and love have already started to die down -- or, if they're REALLY idiots, until the passion and love have died down completely -- before doing ANYTHING about it.
    Nope. Gotta be proactive.
    As soon as you detect the slightest fraction of a decrement in that area, you need to address the problem. What's going wrong? Why the slump? Is there a lack of communication? Hormonal imbalance, and, if so, what's causing it? Postpartum depression? Perimenopausal problems? Etc.
    Then you treat the problem.

    #4:
    This is the other thing.
    Just like you can tune a car in advance, you can also "tune" a relationship in advance, so that things stay hot.
    Know how people get more and more annoyed with each other over time, because resentment tends to pile up? How things tend to acquire this big laundry-list of bad associations, and A reminds people of B which reminds people of C and so on?
    Yeah...
    ... well, you can make that happen with GOOD things, too. And hot and sexy and lovey things. (cont'd)

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    • It's really not that hard. Just start drilling associations into each other's heads. Everything from the clothes you wore on yr first date, to the furniture in yr place, to the words you use in yr conversation -- just associate those things with love and sex and intimacy. Just drill that, through endless repetition. It's definitely do-able.

      It's gotten my own marriage to the point where, after 15 years married, EVERYTHING gets me hot and wet and weak in the knees. Every wall and piece of furniture in our house, yeah, he's done something nasty to me there. Most common words in the English (and Creole and Spanish) language have nasty, awesome connotations that only we know. Almost every household object has secret stories associated with it. Oh, and let's not get into how just hearing the word "wife" or "married" makes me dripping wet, literally.
      We're doing it right.

      The key is to work on all this upfront, before it ever gets a chance to be a problem.

    • Wow very informative and revealing

    • I love the analogy you used here! I so agree, and that's a great way to look at it :)

  • it's real.

    there's proof of that all over the world. anyone with a really strong will for it will not add to any divorce stats.

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  • Its real. My parents have it. It isn't perpetual happiness, life doesn't work that way. There's fights, there's sadness, there's anger, but at the end of the day, they love each other very very much and are each others best friends. They'll laugh together, cuddle up together, have meaningful talks, and enjoy being with one another.

    There are many marriages like that and many that are better. Contrary to popular belief divorce rates are actually declining.

    What really determines if you'll get a divorce is how ready you are to call it quits if things get tough. And things get tough in relationships.

    *a lot* of people cheat unfortunately, so I can't say your future wife won't cheat on you. But if the best way to have a good marriage is to wait a few years before marrying your girlfriend, and to wait at least a few more years after that to start having kids. Really get to know the person...

    Don't be cynical, that will only make life bleak. Have hope..

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  • My father loved my mom VERY much and she did him too as well. But my sister says he cheated on her back in Russia, but my mom denies it because she doesn't want to believe it. I don't know... but in love or not you'll cheat... I tend to believe love isn't real. If it's love, why cheat? Why lie? Why hide things? and why does it hurt so much? I say screw love and have sex instead. Less hurt to deal with.

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  • Thts not true.. In my family nly 2 people hv divorced yet.. rest all r happily marred.. Tht too many of them are arranged marriages

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  • My parents were happily married for over 30 years.

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  • And I won't do it again

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    • Sorry :(

    • Show All
    • Yeah, no it was an accident on my behalf and I don't know how to change the age, However I'm older than this. In my 30 ' s. However it no rush on ur end. Just b e very sure, and you'll be fine

    • Or sorry what happened? What's your story?

What Guys Said 7

  • Marriages fail because people just expect them to work without having both partners put in much effort. When you get married, you must act like a married person and that means avoiding going above and beyond the call of duty to avoid temptation. E. g., you don't go out for lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex, no stopping for drinks after work unless it's in a large group, etc.

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  • Its real... but in relationships... what people don't understand is that it takes TWO people to make it "work" but most people (women) are so focused on what THEY want, that they forget that their partner has needs as well... so things get tight, people get pushed away, people... cheat.
    I theorized that in over 90% of cheating cases, the one playing "victim" is usually the cause... thats usually the selfish one who didn't pay attention to their partner's "needs".
    so they went searching elsewhere... i bet if we look into your buddy's relationship for real... i can bet you, HE is probably the reason why she cheated.
    Life long relationships are real tho, just rare... and me and @justbanANNAz are gonna do it... lol
    im just kidding... we aren't together.. i just want to get her blood pressure up lol... and i know im gonna get fussed out...

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    • hahaha, i can now confirm that my blood pressure has escalated quite rapidly.

    • @justbanANNAz well... at least i didn't get fussed out... :)

  • It can be a reality however that will require complete devotion and the hardwork from both husband and wife.

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  • no. it can be real.

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  • I don't know man.. I am scared to get married after hearing these things too... But then I don't live in a Western society... Most Women in your Western society are mostly wasted and not good marriage material for sure..
    So I don't know...
    But what was the reason why she cheated on him with her boss? I don't think a person can actually live someone and sleep with others at the same time...

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  • I don't think so. I think the issue is people dont realize what the commitment intails.

    I'm married, but only coming up to a lowly 4 years

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    • Is it hard is there ever trust issues between you and her about "he/she's just a friend"?

    • Never once

    • She flirts and talks, but i know her and trust her. I have no worries about her cheating

  • It's real I see it almost everyday in fact, and it's something I will acomplish myself one day.

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