When considering asking a girl to marry you how important is the "sexist" notion that she should be able to cook a her husband meals?

When considering asking a girl to marry you how important is  the





Also how important is her willingness to make her man a sandwich when requested when your thinking of proposing?
Im currently seeing a girl who expects me to propose, have a traditional wedding and settle down with her but she can't cook, won't learn to cook and point blank refuses to make me a sandwich because her women's group says she doesn't have too. I don't think I could go through with it.

  • I wouldn't propose if she couldn't
    13% (5)14% (3)14% (8)Vote
  • Mildly important
    21% (8)38% (8)27% (16)Vote
  • Not that important
    55% (21)48% (10)53% (31)Vote
  • I support traditional values and gender roles. MRA
    11% (4)0% (0)6% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am a little traditional in that I think that women need to have a certain set of skills to make a house a home. ( whether married or not). These skills have made my home not only more pleasant to live in, but it has save me money.
    1. Sewing (I can sew my own dresses, pants for him, curtains, alternations for him etc and I have even made extra cash from this skill when I needed the cash)
    2. Cooking- meals, baking, larger entertainment
    3. Home decoration ( taking old furniture and making it like new with a good polish, new paint, or just recover it in new fabric)
    4. cleaning- I can't tell you how many people don't know how to clean properly. A clean house, is a healthy home!

    With this being said. If a man ever said to me 'bring me a sandwich woman', I would drop it on his head. It is all about respect and asking nicely.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe it's important in general to know how to cook for both a wife and a husband. For one it's a good life skill, two eating out or eating frozen meals all the time is both very expensive and unhealthy. And three what happens when you have ingredients in the house but not a enough money to go out and eat someone is going to have to cook.

    So it is important that my wife knows how to cook, I know how to cook so I expect her to know how to, since I'd never ask her to do something that I couldn't do for her or in general as well.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Hi there! Militant pansexual feminist here (and I'm probably gonna get kicked out of one of my groups-of-choice for this opinion, but here goes!)

    The issue here isn't, to me, that she isn't willing to cook or do something for you. The way that it looks, one of the ways that you accept love and appreciation is through someone being able to do nice things for you or acquiesce on certain requests. It's not BAD to take pleasure in having your partner make food for you- my girlfriend shows her affection and care regularly by trying to shove food down my face to make sure I'm taken care of. It is adorable... and irritating, but mostly adorable so I'm a happy fat girl who feels good knowing that her partner wants to take care of her.

    What is an issue, however, is entitlement. Your (future) wife is not required to cook you food. That is not an inherent part of the social contract- women cook, men do something that isn't cooking.

    If we're going on perceptions and stereotypes, a man who is all "woman, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!" is the type of person who doesn't respect his partner and places his own needs above hers. The "make me a sandwich" thing has become synonymous with an inequality in a relationship, so much so in fact that I personally have felt like I'm doin' the cause wrong by enjoying things like cooking and being a good hostess.

    Does she know that you feel most supported by receiving acts of service? Do you know what makes her feel most loved and appreciated?

    If you want someone to cook for you, reward the behavior and praise it until the cows come home. Show her that you are grateful for what she does for you because, again, it's not the sandwich that's the problem- it's the side of entitlement.

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    • I can't praise someone for doing nothing and I am entitled to expect a partner to pull thrir weight in a relationship.

    • Did you guys talk about having a healthy balance of duties? Your post made it sound like "Yeah, she's great, she just doesn't make food for me and that's totes a dealbreaker, lawl!" Then, you picted some pictures of hot chicks and memes- which doesn't necessarily add to the question you're trying to ask. Not a lot to work with there.

      What does your relationship dynamic look like? Tell me more about your girlfriend and the way that your social set up works, so I can make a better informed opinion?

  • How important is food? Some people live off of whey protein shakes and cleanses. For them; who cares? I'm sure she can be taught to blend.

    If you like actual food, that's another story. Have a cook-off with a few friends and invite her to participate. If she cooks better than your friend's girlfriends, you'll even have bragging rights. And if she really loves you, she will make you a sandwich without ever having to be asked, and will never forget your chips or your favorite beverage.

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  • I don't know cooking and i think that man should't expect their women to cook for them. I am just as "obliged" to cook for him as he is to me. So if man will cook for me i will try to make something for him as well. But i don't think that cooking is my duty.

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  • Well I suppose thats up to you. Id be ok with it as long as you fullfilled traditional male roles.

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  • How important should the girl's willingness be to stay in the kitchen and make her man a sandwich, as well as being in charge of cooking duties most of the time before a man proposes?

    Only as significant as his willingness to be the sole breadwinner and be in charge of bringing in all the cash-flow.

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  • Who the hell doesn't know how to cook! this is sustainability 101!!! anyway if y'all gonna get married you might as well take cooking classes together.

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    • I can already cook and cook well.

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    • No. I dont think I can marry her because I think she wants the wedding more than the marriage.

    • Ahhh, that is never good. Never put the ring on the wrong woman.. And she my friend sounds like a wrong woman for you

  • Um. It doesn't sound like you two are anywhere close to being in a secure and serious enough relationship to consider marriage so... yeahhhh...

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  • You're 30+ and still believe it's a woman's duty to do things for you which you could easily do on your own?

    Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against cooking dinner for my husband every once in a while, but that's not my sole purpose in life. My future husband knows not to always expect a hot meal ready for him when he comes home because I'm not his servant. If he wants a mother to look after him, he should go live with her instead.

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    • Well if your pulling your weight with the finances and manuel labour tasks around the home thats great for you both if not go and marry your Dad.

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    • @lolatyou see absolutely usless.

    • If you can pay someone to do all that perhaps you can pay a maid to clean, a cook to cook and a nanny to raise your kids since obviously you live in downtown abbey lol.

  • Are you helpless? Are you going to chain her to the radiator whenever you get married?

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  • I don't think it's sexist. Some people are attracted to eople who exhibit traditional roles. I am more attracted to strong, smart, successful men. I also kind of expect him to be somewhat handy around the house. What's wrong with that? As long as both of you are happy, fuck what everyone else thinks.

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  • I think cooking is a basic means of survival and it's scary that neither of you can perform a basic everyday task. Does your mom still do your laundry too?

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    • No I can cook an do household chores I just don't want to marry someone who can't or won't as they are a bad marriage prospect dont you think?

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    • That last statement is likely why this one won't work out for you but who am I to talk.

    • That's ok too lol

  • In your case, she better be willing to learn to cook if you're gonna put a ring on it. She can't pick and choose gender roles and tradition whenever she pleases

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    • As I can choose whether to put a ring on it or not. We all have standards.

  • Its really important for a man to know how to cook , I mean what will he do if I'm not around? starve? GTFO

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  • If you're doing the traditional male things then I don't think your expectations are unfair

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    • How's competing for your boyfriend's affections working out for you?

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    • So that includes having babies with other women, but not you, right?

    • @9mfeo thats up to her if lesbiens and gays can be considered as legitimate relationships, married and have babies why can't polygamists. Are you fascist or something?

  • Your seriously judging her based on cooking?

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    • Of course she's an adult.

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    • At that rate stand up comedians like chris rock and sarah silverman should stop telling jokes.

    • I don't know who those people are?

  • It doesn't seem like you two are compatible. If you want a traditional woman that cooks and cleans for you, then that's who you should go for.

    Cooking isn't that hard. I think both people should learn how to cook (even if it's simple meals). Especially if both work. If I'm off of work, I have time and actually don't mind cooking meals or making him a sandwich. I'm good at it, he enjoys it and he usually helps clean up with dishes. He also gives me a massage, so it's all good.

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What Guys Said 7

  • For her to have the ability? I guess it matters, but not much. I like to cook and I especially like to cook, with a girl. It's a moment of true intimacy for me that I fully enjoy.
    So if she knows how to cook, that's definitely a plus and a turn on, but not a requirement.

    I hate food prep. If my girl would do the shopping and prep food for the week, I'd be all over making dinner. One I actually like to do. Food prep I can't stand lol

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  • If that bitch can't cook kick her ass to the curb. Lol Sorry I'm just passionate about food. Honestly, why would you marry a girl that cannot cook?

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  • Funny story - I met a girls parents for dinner one afternoon, and I told them that I had trained at Culinary Institute of America, and they said, "Wow, a man that cooks! This is just what you need, (her daughters name)! Because she can't cook, and I keep telling her these guys want a girl that can cook, I said '(name), no one will ever want you cause you can't cook,'" at this point, she looked at her daughter who was staring at her plate, proceeded to grab her daughters jaw and repeated, "no one will ever want you," in the most condescending way I've ever heard.

    Very, very awkward moment for a boyfriend.

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  • "I support traditional values and gender roles. MRA"

    WTF does this have to do with MRA's? I'm not even an MRA and I know this is total bullshit.

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  • So here's the thing. If I am with a girl who refuses to ever do a simple act such as cooking for your partner then yes, that is a problem.
    If the sole reason she refuses to do this is because her women's group discourages it then that's a lousy group.

    I am in no sense expecting her to always cook or to fulfill the role of chef in the relationship. I am expecting her to, as another decent human being who is to be part of a family, do her part. Sometimes that's cooking. Sometimes it's moving furniture. Sometimes working or getting up at night to put the baby back to sleep. Refusing to do something because it reinforces an outdated gender role is the kind of pointless nonsense I wouldn't want in a partner.

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  • I don't think knowing how to cook is sexist. I know how to cook and I expect my wife to be decent at it not because she's a woman but because she's an adult and in the real world all it takes is a quick natural disaster like a tornado wiping out the power in your city for a week or two and now we're stranded cooking for ourselves. I need the security of knowing that if I'm trapped away from my family that my wife can keep my kids alive while I'm gone. I think every adult should know how to cook. And by cook I mean more than microwave a hot pocket or pour some cereal. It's an essential life skill not a sexist demand.

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  • Everyone, men and women, should know the rudiments of cooking. It's like knowing first aid or traffic laws, it doesn't matter if you never intend to use it, you should still know it.

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    • Exactly. ...

    • Well said! And basic car maintenance! Girls you need to know when you need to change your oil. ( even if you won't do it yourself)

    • @Poppykate too right its the best way for any "miss independent" if she "dont need no man" lol

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