So my boyfriend and I have been discussing getting married, but there are several problems.
1. He has no initiative to get things going. I'm doing most of the saving, he never brings it up, and he's been "lookng" for an engagement ring for about a year now.
2. I told him I don't even need a ring, but he claims he really wants to get me one. His mom was helping him out, and her taste is super gaudy while I'm more classic and simple. So I told him what I like. I practically drew him a picture. Yet I found out she is still showing him all these gaudy and huge rings that just aren't my style, and that he is actually listening to her. They're also looking on sites like craigslist, and I really don't want a ring from someone's failed marriage. I know not all of them are and it's probably not that big of a deal, but I rather have no ring than one from a failed marriage. It just leaves a bade taste in my mouth. I don't want to bring this up because his sister is the one who told me and showed me the rings they were looking at, which she wasn't suppose to do.
3. Neither one of us want a big wedding. We rather have a small ceremony with only our closest family and friends, but his family is pressuring us to have a big wedding. Personally I don't care that they want us to, but he does, (Even though he doesn't want one himself.) His sister also wants me to have a bachelorette party. She actually told me she didn't care, I was having one. The thing is, I don't want a ton of people I speak to maybe every other month there, and certainly no strippers. But that's what she would plan for me. As you can probably gather, no one is listening to what I like or want though.
So what should I do about all this? It's really starting to stress me out.
Most Helpful Guy
Call the wedding off. It's your wedding you have 100% say how it goes. I don't think you're being assertive enough1
Most Helpful Girl
Perhaps you should have a talk with his mother? Your wedding is your day, after all. That is for #3.
#1 and #2 are 100% your boyfriend's issues. He needs to know that you do not like the kind of rings his mom is picking out. Apparently you've made this pretty obvious already but, I guess, I would try to talk to him about this and be more concise about it. As for Craigslist rings, I can understand that but you may have to concede a little bit on this one as I'm sure they're cheaper. Again, if you are 100% firm on this issue talk to him about it again.
As for him kind of dragging his feet, you'll have to figure out why. Perhaps it's not something he really wants? I would make sure you are 100% in with the relationship and definitely want to marry him and have a talk with him about it. Make specific guidelines or seek out certain behaviors on his part and if he doesn't rise up to the occasion, then you may have to call off the wedding. Whether you stay in a relationship with him or not - I don't know. You'll have to decide what's best for you.0