He says we'll never get legally married?

My boyfriend is very odd. He says he wants to call me his wife and wants us to have kids and everything a normal married couple would do. But he absolutely refuses to sign ANY papers that say we are legally married to each other in the United States where we live. I asked him why and he said,

“What's the point in getting legally married when it just creates more problems? If people want to leave each other now days, it's very easy to get a divorce. So there is no 'together forever' after marriage any more. Then, married people still cheat on each other all the time. So why get married if married people can still cheat if they want to? Getting married just adds resentment and a bunch of legal stuff that ruins the others life. Why do we need to get married when we can just stay together and not cheat in the first place?”

He even said that he would still buy the ring and we'll still have a joining of our families with a wedding ceremony and party. But why won't he just sign the papers so we can make it official? Without it being legal, doesn't the whole thing just feel hollow and fake?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Among other things, getting married protects each spouse legally and financially. Also, it protects the children both financially and emotionally. There are many disadvantages to not getting married. His examples merely say that in some ways, it's no better to get married. His examples of disadvantages are suspect. How is it a burden to him if you have legal protection over joint assets and he has legal access to his own children? How is not getting married protection against cheating? In general, his feelings are much stronger than his reasons. I sense there are other, more personal reasons beyond these contrived ones he mentions.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Its not hollow and fake! 😂 Lol do you know how hypocritical your point is? You literally think commiting to your husband is contingent on signing legal papers to actually mean something? How about committing in general making that promiss to eachother! Thats what makes it mean something. The legality of marriage is irrelivent and will only complicate things if you break up and either of you feel entitled to things you didn't pay for etc.. I say making the promiss and committing your future there rest of your life to your SO is plenty. White papers and signatures mean nothing and your relience on that actually makes your love a bit hollow. Who cares about papers just committ and love eachother. Thats what love is.

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What Guys Said 15

  • Papers are only papers that shows to the country that you're married. If you already live together, then you're already married, what difference can a document make? It just creates trouble IF a divorce happens (and according to what I see a divorce can be very unpleasant for men in the US). I can understand him.

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  • I agree with him. It's a piece of paper only. If you're truly happy you don't need to make it official in my opinion and for the guy, yes he legally owes you nothing if you get divorced/separate (nobody ever thinks or expects they will but the rate is higher than it's ever been so it's a realistic possibility). Guys generally get royally screwed in divorces, to the point sometimes where they work all the time (3 jobs or more) and can barely take care of themselves financially or physically even sometimes (because they are constantly working) because of a divorce and the ex wife taking them for everything they have.

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  • I've never loved someone so much that I needed to get the government involved.

    Marriage is between two people. Vows taken between on another in love.
    If thats hollow and fake to you, then you might not want to marry that guy in any sense of the word.

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  • Given the statistics on what divorce does to men, I think he's pretty fucking smart.

    Question for you- why do you need those papers?

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  • because without that document, he legally owes you nothing...

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  • Well both of you are right, you are right to ask these questions and wonder why he is not getting married legally. However I must your boyfriend is also right about what he said, things like that do happen.

    I can understand his worries as well.

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  • Sooo... I guess you want to get married for the PAPERS, and not for your own personal relationship.

    What exactly do you hope to gain from the legal constraints? Do you get anything out of it? What are the benefits? What is the benefit of him signing the paper, for him and for you?

    If you don't have objective benefits beyond "perceived social status", your qualms are objectively irrelevant.

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    • the documents are needed to as proof of marriage to the country, without them you are not actually seen as married and it protects the children and parents financially. these documents are important and if they are just "papers" then he can easily sign it, he's not conserving ink is he? he just scared cause divorce is a bitch to men in the USA. (the only thing those dumb feminists where smart enough to leave alone). ✌

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    • @JustBeingHonest7 it works for anything income-based.

    • Well income based on most things also takes into account family size and typically limits increase per member. So of you need x amount or less to qualify for 1 person, it's usually you amount for 2 people. Also many income based things now go by HOUSEHOLD size. So if it asks for household income and you exclude the income of someone living there it would be fraud if you got caught.

  • A "legal" marriage is just a piece of paper. It should change nothing about what you do or think. I'm kinda the same way. Whatever me and my girl want to call each other, that's what we are. Fuck the piece of paper, what people think or say and fuck the thieving govt that issues it.

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  • I kind of understand why he feels that way. Men generally make more than women do, and women generally marry men that make more than they do statistically speaking. Typically, the higher income earner has a lot more to loose in the case of a divorce, and under current laws, they get destroyed quite severely simply for being the higher earner. Now when you consider that around half of marriages end in divorce in the USA, and over 70% of those divorces are initiated by the woman, you start to see that on paper, marriage is a very very very bad deal for a man who happens to make the higher salary within a marriage

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  • Smart but he should also know if u live with him for 2 years plus, ur still entitled to half of his shit.

    If u really want the marriage, offer him ud sign a prenup.

    I plan on being well of and doing this too.

    Instead of being bitter about the realities of women once they get mad at u or fall out of love, I look at it objectively and take the necessary steps to protect myself.

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  • "Without it being legal, doesn't the whole thing just feel hollow and fake? "

    No.

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  • Because the moment he signs those papers, all he can do is hold out as long as possible until the courts make him give up the car, the kids, the house, and the dog

    He's playing things smart

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  • he is not odd he is just not stupid like those who get married. Being married to a woman is being a slave to her. Fuck that. He can fuck every girl he wants and dont tell him what to do

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  • push him to normal marriage it is better for you

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  • Marrage was a religious tradition Long before a legal one

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What Girls Said 3

  • I understand where you are coming from honestly it sounds like he doesn't want the risks of divorce, he is basically a pussy. in the USA divorce is very bad for the men as you know, he doesn't want to take the risk, personally I don't want that I want someone who believes we can make it, some to take risks not a guy who plays it safe, to the people commenting here that "it's just a piece of paper it doesn't signify love" if it's just a useless piece of paper then why can't he just sign it? is he saving ink or something, nah I want to be legal. well this is just my take so the choice is still up to you. good luck.

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  • I'm assuming he doesn't want to be in the system as legally married. But it may actually benefit you both with taxes and legal stuff as well. After all, marriage is just a piece of paper and what matters most is love-and that shouldn't change. It sounds like he's afraid things might change once you're married. And they do change, there is more pressure. But a relationship is a relationship. It has ups and downs. For me personally, I feel better being married. It just feels more "united" I guess you can say. It's something I've always wanted since I was younger, but that's personal preference.

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  • Oh yes, I think he's very odd. I don't mean to judge your boyfriend 'truly', because I have another opinion... So I think, your boyfriend is afraid that your marriage life will end-up in divorce, I think he's 'phobia'. Or maybe, like some cases, he actually doesn't love you and want to cheat one day. Ugh, sorry... Really, I don't mean to judge him, but this is what I think.

    If he doesn't want to sign the papers and make it official, it's gotta be weird. Really. When you two don't make it official, he'll 'run after you' easily than you make it official (so it's mean he doesn't love you).

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