What should I do about this situation with my husband?

My husband is a personal trainer. I was going through his phone the other day and I noticed that he's been talking to this younger woman (judging by her photo) on an app for months. She is a client of his at the gym. They text EVERY day without doubt. He has stopped training her, continuing to engage with her and even offered to train her for free and said he would "do anything for her" Often very flirty or general chit chat. He occasionally texts her good morning even "good morning sunshine" and other incredibly unprofessional lines (never sexual) just flirting and too nice. There was a text I found that was asking her out for lunch and she agreed but said "I don't want to have deal with your wife"

It just goes on and on and I would hate to bore you. I am shocked.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It does sound like he is taking the first steps towards cheating. Please don't be mad, but everyone seems to blame him first. I like to be a bit more neutral. If your marriage was perfect and he was totally satisfied with you, then why do you think he would be seeking attention behind your back? I am not saying you are doing anything wrong but your husband is finding this other woman more interesting or at least very tempting. Before you start pointing fingers at him and blaming him I think you need to look at your marriage and see how everything is going. Maybe you two haven't been spending much time together, maybe finances or kids are getting in the way of your own romance. Whatever it is, your husband is obviously not into you or your marriage 100%. For sure he shouldn't be seeking attention elsewhere, but maybe he is because it is lacking at home.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • first and foremost before thinking of confronting him get evidence, because he may likely deny it and slam you for going through his phone.
    now decide do you love him and want to continue your marriage or are you done with him, if you have no children together it is easier to end it
    depending on how he is, it either takes your sadness or anger to get a point across. you guys are either not connecting anymore or lacking some interaction. but you also have to be patient, he has actually not committed the cheating act yet, the texting is just stage 1, you may angry and think he doesn't deserve this but be as good to him as possible, if you know there are things you did you didn't apologies for, or deprived him off stop, give him nice welcomes when he comes home from work.
    also he would try to be more independent, like picking up after himself, organising his things etc do not let him. don't let him know you know just yet be good to him and see if the relationship between them progresses, if it doesn't progress then he has a heart and realises what he is about to lose, if it does then sorry at least you have all the evidence so confront him, get a lawyer and be done with it as a bonus throw the ring at the mistress. I really hope is doesn't come to divorce and I hope you can work it out but personally... he is shit. good luck all the best ❤❤❤

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What Guys Said 10

  • 1. Backup his entire phone along with his conversations on a secure drive.
    2. Close down all joint accounts
    3. Contact a divorce lawyer
    4. Prepare to move out if need arises
    5. Confront the asshole

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  • You need to confront him and put a stop to this before it goes too far.

    If you two have had problems up until now I'd sit down and talk them out asap. If he's just flirting because that's the person he is, then I suggest you talk to him and let him know that your trust has been broken and that he needs to regain it.

    Sometimes the shock of the partner confronting them can jolt people back to their senses and they never even entertain thoughts of doing it again. Other times, someone will always have the urge to cheat and eventually do it. It really depends how much you care about your marriage.

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  • These are not good signs at all. I mean you are saying "just flirting", no flirting while being in a committed relationship is not a small thing at all. Tomorrow something big might happen, something like cheating and this is how these things start.

    The very fact that your husband is continuously talking to her and sending her flirty messages/texts indicates the intention that he might cheat on your someday.

    What he is doing is highly inappropriate!

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  • Can you justify to him going through his phone first off? Have you before or does he know you do sometimes (or did this time)? If so, confront him on it. I'm always amazed how women hate guys cheating so much and yet they do things like this, ie, this woman knows he's married but talks to him anyway and accepts his flirting. It's easier said then done and I'm not in the situation but I wouldn't put up with it. If it were me, I would confront him and likely leave him. How can you trust him anymore now?

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    • And he hasn't cheated yet (that you know of) but maybe like other guys have said here, examine your marriage and talk to him. Find out what's lacking between you or what he's missing. Maybe you can fix it and in turn, make your marriage stronger then ever?

  • You could ask him how he feels about the marriage between you two.

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  • Unless you want a parallel life, where you will do the same, confront him. Sooner rather than later. There could be multiple options:
    a) he's flirting to keep fit (no pun intended)
    b) he's flirting due to spring hormones excess (men can go on overdrive sometimes due to hard to control hormones)
    c) there is an issue more deep between you two that you may find with this occasion

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  • That's terribly bad... tell him you saw it and ask him to stop. If he doesn't want to stop, I'm afraid you're up for divorce my dear... he wants to cheat very obviously.

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  • If he's not cheating, he's trying to. Sorry sweetheart.

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  • Leave him
    Forgive him
    or punish him
    Honestly though it sounds like emotional cheating to me

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    • What do you mean by emotional cheating? That he likes her?

    • Yes, that their's an attachment.

  • Is there a potential reason from your end why this would be happening?

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    • Really? So its her fault her husband is unfaithful? 🙄 Omg

    • Her husband is, at the moment, sneaking behind her back. My question is, whether she is passive about it. You are too impulsive, might wanna think first, it's not illegal, yet.

What Girls Said 9

  • He is cheating it's emotional. I agree with truthbeknown, not saying it's your fault just that he is seeking something and maybe he thinks you went do it or there's not as much attention as there use to be. Some men are closed off and instead of saying something they use there other head to think especially if this chick sees him as a challenge to get. Now that the rational side of me had spoken, the martial wife in me is coming out... Find the hoe give her hell (what ever your hell is but mine is beat her) then go to my husband ask what he wants, you are his wife his life partner what can you do to make him happy again, you want to make this work but cheating is not the way. And you have to be open with what he wants what he needs if you want to keep your marriage. Otherwise if it's not you that he wants tell him to kick rocks and that you can find someone better because you deserve it!! Ok rant over :)

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  • Maybe you should try to find out where they will meet for lunch and send someone anonymous to spy for you to see whether there is any hand holding or things like that. Maybe even get evidence if they can. But this should be a person only you know. Then you should confront him.

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  • I think that it sounds like he's trying to cheat.

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  • I would be up front and honest with him... Come at it not attacking him but in a concerned manner... This shows that you respect him... Also, In a marriage relationship there are no secrets... So if he is hiding something... He needs to let you know. Though the truth may hurt it is better to know from him rather than continue to find out via text... I am sorry you may be going through this and I pray that you can approach your husband in truth and vulnerabilty!

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  • Tell him what you found and ask him to explain himself. This seems like borderline cheating.

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  • That dose not sound good at all

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  • Yeah, he's on the road to cheating if he hasn't already in some way.

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  • woah, your husband is crossing the limit.

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  • It sounds like your husband is well on his way to cheating with you. You need to confront him, no matter how upset he's going to be. Just be honest with him and tell him you went through his phone. He's going to call you untrustworthy but he's the one that is starting to cheat. I'm married, and if this happened, I would move out. I don't give chances to someone who cheats on me, because they might end up doing it again. But there is also the option of also trying to work it out with him, and going to marriage counseling.

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